Hey Nissa, what did G-d do to cure Moses' headache? He gave him two tablets.
What did Moses say when he saw people worshipping the golden calf? Holy cow!
Hey Reb Yisroel H, What is a mathematician's favorite book of the Bible? Numbers.
Then there is the one about the mine owner who hired an Italian to be the paymaster and a Russian to run the lift and a Japanese guy to manage supplies and all went well for a while until they ran out of supplies. The mine owner walked around looking for the Japanese guy and suddenly he jumped up from behind a rock and cried, “Supplies! Supplies!”
So the Zen master said to the hot dog vendor, “Make me one with everything.” So the vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill. The hot dog vendor puts the bill in his pocket. “Where’s my change?” asks the Zen master. And the vendor says, “Change must come from within.”
"Sorry Moses, but you can't join Greenpeace..."
"...We're a non-prophet organisation."
Nine year old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. “Well, Mom, our teacher told us how G-d sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.” “Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?” his mother asked. “Well, no, Mom. But if I told it the way the teacher said, you'd never believe it!”
