The minhag is that the chosson and kallah drink some of the wine, although they themselves did not recite the brochah of Borei pri hagafen. The Pnei Yehoshua wonders how the mesader kiddushin can recite the brochah for the chosson and kallah if he himself is not drinking.
In general, one can only recite a brochah for someone else when it is a bircas hamitzvah. When there is a requirement to recite a brochah, one Jew can help his fellow Jew. This is known as arvus, communal responsibility that all Jews have for each other. Thus, for example, one can recite the brochah recited before a mitzvah for someone else. Furthermore, one can even recite the brochah of Borei pri hagafen during Kiddush or Havdalah for someone else, even if not partaking from the wine. This is because it is being done to help the other person fulfill his obligation of reciting Kiddush or Havdalah over a cup of wine.
However, this does not apply if someone is in need of a brochah recited before the consumption of food. Since there is no requirement to partake of that particular food, one person cannot recite the brochah exclusively for someone else. That being the case, since bircas eirusin is not obligatory, how can the mesader kiddushin recite the brochah exclusively for the chosson and kallah if he is not drinking the wine at all?
The Pnei Yehoshua adds that although bircas nisu’in is a requirement and may qualify as a bircas hamitzvah, bircas eirusin is not a requirement, so how can it be considered a bircas hamitzvah? The Pnei Yehoshua ends off by suggesting that perhaps, since it is for the purpose of a mitzvah, although not obligatory, it will be similar to Kiddush and Havdalah, and one person can recite it for another. But he leaves this with a question mark as to whether or not this is a correct answer.
The Maharsham (8:5) proves this from the wine at a bris milah. The Mechaber (Y”D 265:4) rules that on a fast day other than Yom Kippur or Tisha B’av, when the mother of the baby may drink, one can recite the brochah over the wine for her, and she drinks the wine. Although the cup of wine at the bris is not obligatory, one can still recite the brochah on her behalf. The same should apply to bircas eirusin. Since it is supposed to be recited, it can be recited for the chosson and kallah.
We find this concept also when it comes to bentching. The halachah is that one can recite the brochah of Borei pri hagafen, even if he will give the wine to someone else to drink. The Biur Halachah (190:4) explains that although bentching over a cup of wine is not a requirement, since it is a mitzvah, it qualifies as a bircas hamitzvah, and one person can recite the brochah for another. Certainly, in regards to the bircas eirusin, which is supposed to be done over a cup of wine, one person can recite the brochah for another. The Aruch Hashulchan (34:9) concurs with this ruling and adds that if the mesader kiddushin wants to drink some of the wine, he can do so.
Rav Zalman Sorotzkin suggests that the mesader kiddushin should not drink the wine because the chuppah takes place outside and has a status of being “in a marketplace,” and it is not proper for the mesader kiddushin, who must be proficient in the halachos of kiddushin, to drink “out in the street.” Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach zt”l, however, takes issue with this reasoning. Since a person cannot get married in the marketplace, it must be that this is not considered “out in the street.”
Rav Shlomo Zalman suggests a different reason for this practice. Since a chosson is like a king, he is given to drink first, and it is not proper for others to drink afterwards. Based on this reason, Rav Shlomo Zalman adds that if the chosson is not able to drink, the mesader kiddushin should, in fact, drink from the wine.
We can now understand the reason for the prevalent minhag that the mesader kiddushin does not drink from the wine at all. In Igros Moshe, Rav Moshe Feinstein zt”l points out that this was the accepted minhag for many centuries, as we see from the Pnei Yehoshua, who did not question the minhag but was only wondering why it is allowed and not if it is, in fact, common practice.
SUMMARY
According to many poskim, the mesader kiddushin does not have to drink the wine at all, and he can recite the brochah for the chosson and kallah, who do.
RABBI NACHUM SCHEINER
