Lashon Hara Dilemma
THE DILEMMA
My father is 82 years old, active, and in good health, B”H. But my siblings and I are getting a bit worried about his driving. He insists he’s as capable as ever, and the truth is, he’s never been a great driver. He’s had a couple of fender-benders this year, and given his age, we’re thinking it might be time to hang up the car keys. It’s an issue we haven’t yet resolved. But my question is this: My son dorms in yeshivah near his Zaidy’s home, and they are both coming to us for Shabbos. My father said he’d be happy to drive my son, but I’m nervous about it. Can I tell my son that I’m not sure my father is a safe driver anymore?
— Shimmy
THE HALACHA
Keeping his son safe is definitely a to’eles for Shimmy. However, before he says anything negative about Zaidy, he has to try to find a reasonable alternative that would accomplish the same result. This is the sixth condition of to’eles. Rather than saying something that will make Zaidy seem stubborn or feeble in his grandson’s eyes, Shimmy can work out another way for his son to get home. For example, he can pretend he has business in the area and pick up both his father and son. Or perhaps he could find someone else who will be driving that route on Friday and arrange a ride with that person. This way, the purpose—keeping his son safe—is achieved without having to say a negative word about Zaidy. If there is no alternative, however, Shimmy can tell his son in a way that preserves his father’s dignity, such as, “Zaidy’s at an age where he needs to really focus on his driving. I’m afraid shmoozing with you might distract him.”
