By Sarah Chana Radcliffe
"We need to talk..." Not.
Long talks about bad behavior are dangerous. If you insist on them, you'll soon find that loved ones love you less. If you insist on them and monitor your results with them, you'll find that they fail to "cure" the behavior you're trying to eradicate. If you insist on them in order to relieve your own pain and hurt, and then track your personal happiness, you'll find that you are NOT happier after all. "Talks" that are 4 or 5 sentences long tend to work MUCH better, provided that the last sentence is a simple request for change.
How many times should you ask your child to do something?
Ask once and then wait for compliance. If you don't get it, consciously decide whether you want to ask a second (and last) time. You can just drop your request at this point if you want to avoid confrontation, conflict or discipline. That would be a good choice if there has already been too much negativity between you and the child (unless the matter is non-negotiable). However if you choose to ask again, let the child know what will happen if she doesn't comply with your request. Remember, this second ask is your last ask. Stay calm and respectful throughout.
