We often think positive psychology is a modern invention. But Chazal were always ahead of current conventions. What therapy teaches today, our Sages already knew of and spoke about centuries ago. Consider this Gemara (Bava Metzia 85a).
R’ Yehudah HaNasi visited the town where Rabbi Elazar, son of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, had lived. He asked the townspeople: “Does Rabbi Elazar have any children?” “Yes, he has a son,” they said. “But a disgraceful one. He sells himself out for promiscuity.”
What did Rebbe do once he heard this?
Rebbe summoned the young man, gave him semicha (rabbinic ordination), and then sent him to be taught Torah by Rav Shimon ben Isi ben Lakonya, his maternal uncle. Every day, however, the boy put up a fight. “I want to go home! I want to go back to my old city!” Until one day, Rav Shimon turned to him and said: “Do you understand who you are? You’re smart and you come from greatness. You are Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai’s grandson! They want to clothe you in gold and call you ‘Rebbe.’ Do you really want to go back to your old life?”
Something then clicked, and the boy responded, “I swear, I will never return to what I once was.”
What did this approach work?
Because Rav Shimon didn’t condemn the boy or shame him. He didn’t tell him he was bad. He brought him close and told him he is capable of greatness. And through that, he was uplifted.
Eventually, he became a great man, a “Rebbe.” And when he passed away, they tried to bury him alongside his father and grandfather, but a serpent blocked the cave. A bas kol (a heavenly voice) declared that while he was righteous, he had not suffered the same yissurim (tribulations) as his ancestors who lived in the cave (see Shabbos 33b). That is why he couldn’t be buried there. But not because he wasn’t worthy.
He had reached a level as great as R’ Shimon bar Yochai. Who would have imagined at the time he was leading a decadent life that he could become who he became? R' Yehudah HaNasi. Rebbe believed in him.
Never, ever give up on another person, no matter where they come from or what they have done. Someone so far from a Torah life can turn everything around and become as great as R’ Shimon bar Yochai. And equally so, never give up on yourself, no matter what.
But Rebbe didn’t just do this one time. Rebbe was the type of person who went from city to city, helping children.
On one of his visits, he asked, “Does this great sage, R’ Tarfon, have a descendant?” He found the grandson of Rav Tarfon, who was a similarly wayward soul. And again, Rebbe talked up to him. “If you do teshuvah,” Rebbe said, “I will give you my daughter in marriage.”
The boy repented and was transformed.
Why did Rebbe leave his own yeshiva to pursue these young men?
Because, as the Gemara teaches: “One who teaches Torah to the son of an am ha’aretz (ignoramus), even if there is a harsh decree against him, it will be overturned.” Rebbe recognized the importance Hashem attributes to teaching Torah and a Torah life to someone who doesn’t know of it. When you go out of your way and overturn your life to educate another person in Torah and elevate them from a spiritually lost or morally confused life, Hashem will measure for measure overturn the harsh decree that might be looming in your life.
And how can you most effectively help such a person? Modern psychology has offered a powerful method. But Chazal knew it long ago.
Look for the good and emphasize it, and thereby help the person reframe their life too. Such is the power of positive psychology, or as I say, positive criticism. R’ Yehudah HaNasi knew the power of seeing the potential greatness within every person and focusing on that. And when he did just so, he changed lives.
And in our own way and in our own day, we can do just the same.
