Questions To Rabbi Mandel
When Do I Give Up on Getting the Thing I have Bitachon For?
Question: The Bitachon Weekly has been an asset to my week, and I would like some clarification as to how I should “set” my mindset to be. We are going through a difficult journey in getting my daughter into a high school that we really feel she would do well in. We believe that with continued Tefilos and “pull” from the right people, she will get in. I tell everyone that she will be in uniform in the school of our choice on the first day of school, B'ezras Hashem. The naysayers shut me down, and make me feel like I should accept our situation and look into other options. How do I quiet them in my mind, and more importantly, when does Rabbi Mandel say it’s time to give up and move on? Are my beliefs false? Looking forward to your response.
Answer: What's wrong with looking at other options?? You do the best you can. It's important Chinuch for a person to know that he's not in charge of his life. Hashem is constantly going to do things NOT the way you feel. You have to respect your opinion, and work on it in a calm way; i.e., keep trying, but of course you should have in mind other options. I know somebody who was trying to get his kid into a school; he made me crazy, I tried. But more than anything, I kept davening that his son should be Matzliach. I want that the kid should turn out good. Regardless of if it's this way or that way. What happened in the end? They did NOT get in (and they were going crazy, they "needed" that place!), he went to another place, and they're even happier. So you never know.
A person can't focus on: "I must have that place!" You try your best. But you’re getting too involved in “having” something, which isn’t always so healthy. Just relax, and let the Eibishter run your life. YOU NEED IT FOR YOUR HEALTH NOT TO GET WHAT YOU WANT. Yes, you need that for your health. People who must get what they feel is right, is not so healthy. If you need to get whatever you want, how are you going to leave this world, after 120? You need to live, don't you? You'll go crazy, you'll be traumatized. You will always be having things in life that you don't want.
Now practically speaking, you have to do two things. On the one hand, you have to continue to keep trying; if you feel that's good, keep doing it. But be open, don't be closed! Be open... maybe something else. Do the best you can, that's all, and LET THE EIBISHTER RUN YOUR LIFE. Instead of saying day and night: “He's got to get in, he's got to get in!”, say something else. Get into the mode of saying: “We're in Hashem's hands”, day and night. ACT like you really want to get the kid in, because you feel it's important; you keep doing that. But you need both! It's like a highway that has only red lights, or only green lights; you need variety! You can't be a total "this got to be" (fighting), or a total "who cares" (accepting). You have to be a total both!
