DILEMMA
David, a close friend of mine, is under a cardiologist’s care and was told to get a personal trainer. He called me to ask who I use, and I told him that I use Levi Goldwasser.* He’s fantastic—exactly what I need. “Weren’t you using someone else for a while?” he asked. “Remember, a few years ago, when you lost some weight, and you were jogging every morning?” He was right. I had spent about five months with a trainer named Yaakov Blau, but he was not my type. He was too pushy. He probably has a lot of satisfied clients, but he was too much for me. I felt like I was in the army. I needed a friendlier approach. Can I tell him who my first trainer was?
HALACHAH
Usually, if our words put someone in a negative light or cause them a loss, those words are forbidden. Recommending the second trainer instead of the first one hints that there was something negative about the first one; therefore, it would be avak loshon hora. However, if there is a benefit for the listener, the information is allowed to be relayed as long as the conditions of to’eles are met. A trainer who has a firm personality is exactly what some people need and want. Others find the approach too heavy-handed. Whether it is a flaw or an asset is subjective. We are only allowed to reveal a subjective flaw if we are asked.
Here, because David needs the information to make an informed decision, it is as if he has asked, and it’s for a to’eles. Therefore, Reuven can tell David who he used as his first trainer, but he must explain why he needed someone with a different personality and that others are very happy with him.
*Fictional name
NESANEL YOEL SAFRAN AISH.COM MISHMERET SHALOM CHOFETZ CHAIM HERITAGE FOUNDATION
