The Sefer HaChinuch (Mitzvah 264) enumerates a positive mitzvah for Kohanim to become tameh through contact with (specific) relatives upon the time of their death and burial. Even though normally a Kohen is forbidden from having contact with any dead people, for the six relatives mentioned in the Torah, he does need to become tameh. The Sefer HaChinuch emphasizes that the pesukim are not merely giving Kohanim permission to become tameh for a father, mother, son, daughter, brother, or sister, but rather it is a mitzvah to do so.
The Sefer HaChinuch further cites the Rambam that the mitzvah specified here in Parshas Emor is really the Mitzvah D’Oraisa (Biblical command) of aveilus (mourning for relatives). In truth, the halachic consensus is that only the first day of aveilus is a Mitzvah D’Oraisa, but still, where is the mitzvah of aveilus mentioned in the Torah? The Rambam points to the obligation of a Kohen to become tameh for close relatives as the source of the entire Mitzvah D’Oraisa of aveilus.
But let us ask a question: How can the Torah require us to mourn for a relative? Mourning is an emotion. If I loved him or her and will truly miss them, I will mourn. If we had a strained or resentful relationship, I will probably not mourn. If, for the last sixty years, I have not been speaking with an estranged close family member, I will not want to mourn. I will not be shedding any tears at their demise.
What does it mean that the Torah is giving us a mitzvah to mourn? To answer this question, the Chinuch invokes an idea he mentions many times in his sefer cataloging the 613 mitzvos and the reasons for each of them: Namely, a person’s thoughts are influenced by his actions. Theory is all well and good, but it does not make an impression on a person.
In order to feel like free men on Pesach, we need to lean. If order to feel like free men on Pesach, we don’t break bones when eating the Korban Pesach. Similarly, the Chinuch writes, there are certain family members for whom a person normally has a positive feeling, and he should feel saddened by their passing from the world. To promote such an emotion, the Torah legislates certain actions demonstrating mourning to trigger thoughts of aveilus in the mind of the surviving family member.
The avel should pause and contemplate: Loss of a close relative is a klap from Heaven. Why did this happen to me? Upon proper contemplation, he will realize that it was aveira which brought this misfortune upon him. In some sense, it is a form of punishment for him.
This idea of the Chinuch is a most necessary lesson for our day and age. His message is that shiva and aveilus are times to think. Most of us spend very little time thinking. We are too busy. We are incredibly busy, going from ‘thing’ to ‘thing.’ Those few moments when we are not busy, too many of us are spacing out or are looking at our cell phones. We are always occupied.
There are very few moments in life when you just need to sit and think. If it would not be for the mitzvah of aveilus, a person would never stop to think “What just happened over here?” Why did the person die? What does this have to do with me? Is there some kind of message from Heaven for me here?
Therefore, aveilus is a time that the Torah says to do nothing else but think about the relative. It is a time to contemplate. Ironically, the Chinuch says something similar about another mitzvah in Parshas Emor. Perek 23 contains all the negative mitzvos regarding doing melacha on Yom Tov. There is a special lav for each Yom Tov. We can’t do melacha on Shabbos because Shabbos commemorates the fact that Hashem rested and did not create on the seventh day. The Ribono shel Olam rested, so we rest.
But why can’t we work on Yom Tov? The Chinuch says that we don’t work on Yom Tov because the Torah wants us to have the time to think about what the Yom Tov represents. What is Pesach about? What is Shavuos about? If we were allowed to work on Yom Tov, we would be too busy working and we would not spend the time contemplating, which would defeat one of the main purposes of the holiday.
This is the same principle that he explains about aveilus. Ironically, the reasons for these two mitzvos – aveilus and the issur melacha on Yom Tov – are intertwined. They are both providing time to contemplate – whether it is contemplation of a tzarah or a simcha.
This idea must be extrapolated into our everyday lives: We all lead incredibly busy lives. We must always leave ourselves time to think – not only when the Torah imposes this upon us, like with aveilus, chas v’shalom. This need to take time to think was promoted very strongly by the Mussar Movement. What is mussar about? It is not just about reading Mesilas Yesharim or reading another classic mussar text. It is about sitting and meditating. Everyone needs to take time to think and contemplate.
