way – called How to Win Friends and Influence People. He's a goy and it's nothing but gashmiyus in that book. It’s good advice, but it’s only gashmiyus. So if you’re doing it just because of that, so your rebbi is Dale Carnegie – it’s a waste of your career, a waste of life.
And so you have to add just one condition and then this avodah becomes avodas Hashem. “I’m doing all this for the sake of creating a good Name for Hashem.” That’s the Name that you really care about. You know that you're no good! But you're trying to make a hit because Hashem wants you to do it for the sake of His Name. You know you're a nobody, but as far as the world is concerned you’re a frum Jew and people will praise Hashem and His Torah if you create a shem tov. And by doing so you earn a very great crown for yourself.
Part III. Become Great
One Penny At A Time
Now, a crown like that is valuable property – it’s real wealth. And like wealth, it takes time to build up this bank account of shem tov. You know, you don't start becoming a millionaire overnight. First you start making a few dollars here and a few dollars there and you build up your wealth little by little. Genuine wealth starts with small steps, with work.
So you might have thought that shem tov is when everybody let's say in Crown Heights is praising you. Maybe everybody in the big Satmererer beis hamedrash in Williamsburg is praising you. All of Lakewood Yeshivah is praising you. All of Meah Shearim is praising you too – maybe that’s the kesser shem tov we’re talking about. No, no, it doesn't mean that. Even though nobody is praising you except a few people in your neighborhood that's already a shem tov; that’s already a crown of glory that you can proudly wear. When you gain a reputation with one person that’s already a few dollars. Another person, that’s a few more dollars. That’s how you start building your wealth.
This I learned from a great man. He told me. “Make a hit with one person in your life,” he said. “Go all out to win over that person; after you succeed with him, it will start overflowing. Once you make a shem tov with him, it will overflow to others too.”
New People, New Opportunities
The best opportunity for this is when one is about to enter a new situation. I once did this. Many years ago when I was in Slabodka I was away for one month at the seashore – in those times the seashore was a kosher seashore – and I was staying with a family. In those days I worked on mussar. Ah! The good old days in Slabodka! And so I decided I would make a hit with the family I was staying with. I would take a walk every day and come up with plans how I would make a hit with them. And it worked – I fooled them.
So let's say you're getting married now — that’s the time to think about this most seriously. It's a great opportunity and it should not be wasted. In the home where you grew up, it’s not as easy — they knew you when you were two and when you were three so you have a chazakah already that you're no good; and so with them maybe you’re discouraged. Of course, even at home it pays to try. It's a good idea to try to make a hit with your parents. It could be that by this time it's a little late, but it's still possible every day to start all over again.
They'll be surprised at first but they’ll fall for it. Make a hit with your father and your mother. You could make a hit with an older brother too; with a brother you can make a hit. You should try that – start a campaign in the house to get a good name, to make people like you.
The Kallah’s Family
But when you're entering into a new life, that’s a special incentive. Your kallah does not know you at all yet, and your kallah's parents also don't know you. You're gaining a whole new environment; in-laws, a whole new family, a new set of relatives. Maybe you’re moving into a new neighborhood too. Here is your opportunity to turn over a new leaf and to hoodwink everybody.
If you are the bride, then you must make it your business to get a good name with your chosson. It’s of paramount importance that he should never discover who you really are. All your life you should put on a face of pleasantness and cooperation – all your life! Smart women do that; smart women create the impression that they are not natural, that they are sugar and spice and everything nice.
Easier Tests
Now sometimes that's too difficult because it's too long and grueling of a test. Sometimes he’s a failure with his kallah; she discovers who he is. And sometimes he's a failure with his father-in-law and his mother-in-law. It happens sometimes. So choose one of your wife's relatives and try to make a hit with him. I mean it seriously. A cousin is visiting from Denver or from Chicago? Make up your mind that with this cousin I'm going to make a hit.
You'll see him very rarely so it’s easy to deceive him. Plaster a smile onto your face and go over to him; “Hi Jake, it’s so good to see you – I haven't seen you for a long time! You're looking fine, Jake.” He’ll appreciate that, and now at least one person thinks well of you; it means that you have already some money in your shem tov bank account.
Now you can build up on that – you can continue making deposits. Let’s say you're going next week, Lag Ba’omer, to a wedding and at the wedding you'll meet some new people. Now you can't make a hit with everybody so before you walk into the hall say, “I'm going to choose one person tonight and I'm going to deceive him into thinking I'm a fine fellow.” And work on it. Now don't waste his time too much. Don't be a bore. Don't talk too much. Say a few kind words and then get away from him. Let him alone. You have won another fan, another admirer. That's what Hashem wants you to do.
Just One Person
You can even start with a child. Let's say your wife has a cousin and you’re going to his bar mitzvah. Speak well of him, encourage him, shake his hand cordially; show him you're interested in him. So you’ll say, “A little boy?! It’s important that a little boy should think well of me?!” Absolutely. Walk over to the boy, press his hand warmly and give him a brachah he should become a gadol b’Yisroel. Now, he's waiting for the envelope with the check but the words are also important. A nice smile, encouraging words – you have to know that you've done something valuable. That boy, all his life, will think good about you. That’s already a shem tov.
If you're working in an office, don't do it all at once. First say, “I'm going to captivate this one fellow.” Now, the women forget about – the less you captivate women, the better off you are. But this one fellow – a
Add Many People
gentile, a Jew, it doesn’t matter – start working on him. Now don't be too much of a nuisance. Don't be a poodle. You'll slobber over him and you'll lick his toes? No. But be friendly and let him learn that this fellow is a nice guy. He's a nice Jew, that fellow over there. And then once you won him over, it’s easier – once you made a good impression, it doesn’t take as much effort now to grease the wheels of achieving a shem tov with him and so now you can try with somebody else. And go from one to the other. It’s a program, even if it’s artificial. That's your success in life.
Of course, out on the street you can make a hit with everyone – people you’ll be seeing only once in a while, sometimes only once in a lifetime, that’s your chance to make a hit for Hashem. If you make a hit with two people today or three people, even better. After a while you have many fans. You have a grandstand of fans who are cheering you, and if they cheer you then Hakadosh Baruch Hu will cheer you even more.
Of course, you’ll make it a project to expand your horizons because the size of your crown depends on how many people think good of you. Suppose you're able to cause very, very many people to think well of you then you have a big golden crown on your head and it's taller than all the other crowns. The more people that you have captivated by your personality, the wealthier you are – you’ve built up a very big bank account already.
The Secret Bank Account
I want to tell you a secret however; there’s a big secret here because the benefit of developing a good name is actually twofold. While you’re building up that wealth of a good name, you’re building up a second account that’s just as important.
The Mesillas Yesharim tells us an important principle: וּיƒוֹנˆיƒהַח וֹיƒימƒנ¿הַפּ ∆‡ ̇עו ֹר∆ ר∆¿מ – The exteriority begins to stir the interiority. And that means that the second purpose of pretending to be better than you actually are is the great principle that has been mentioned a number of times here that the outwardliness stirs up the inwardliness. By doing things in a certain way you actually become what you're doing.
That's why it's good to be a rabbi. I really mean it. It's good to be a rabbi because you have to put up a good front all the time; after all
you’re being watched, examined, and so you must play the part. And if you act a certain way, sooner or later you become that way.
And therefore the man who is deceiving others is really deceiving himself. Behave as if you are good and little by little you’ll become what you are pretending to be. And so, the kesser shem tov doesn’t remain merely a crown on your head, an externality. It actually affects a change in your head – you become a better person.
Fake Chassidim
I always repeat what the old Lubavitcher Rebbe once said. They came to the Lubavitcher Rebbe, I think it was the previous one, Rav Yosef Yitzchak zichrono levrachah, and they told him, “Your talmidim are deceiving the world. They're putting up a front. They're acting very frum but they're not really that frum!”
So what did the Rebbe say? He said they should keep on deceiving the world until they deceive themselves too. He quoted the Gemara (Kesuvos 68a) that if someone deceives the public in order to get charity, ֹנו¿טƒב ∆‡ ַבָהˆ ¿הַמּ – if he acts like he has a swollen belly (it means from hunger), וֹ ׁ̃ וֹ ̆ ∆‡ ַפּ≈חַ ̃ ¿הַמּ¿ו – or he acts like his foot is chopped off (he bends his knee up), כָך ≈ י„יƒל ‡ָבוֹׁ∆ י ̆ „ﬠַ הָעו ֹלָם ןƒמ טָר¿פƒנ ֹנו≈י‡ – the end will be that's how it will turn out. If you pretend, then what you pretend to be will happen. “That’s what’s going to be with my chassidim too – they’ll pretend and pretend and pretend, and they’ll become better and better just because of that; the frummer they act, the frummer they’ll become.”
A Successful Career
That’s our secret here. Keep on deceiving others and making a kiddush Hashem until you deceive yourself and you become that way. That’s also a glory for the name of Hashem – when you become an eved Hashem on the inside too. So a shem tov, although we started out saying how great is the effect of the achievement that the world should think well of you, nevertheless you should know it's lo yashuv reikam; it doesn't go without having an effect on your character too.
And so, the Jew who wants to spend his days living a life of kiddush Hashem is always on guard – wherever he goes, whatever he does, he’s always thinking about bringing glory to the name of Hashem by means of his relations with the world around him. And he becomes a display of the greatness of Hashem to the world – his every step in the world
becomes avodas Hashem. And as he does that, he’s changing himself too – not only is he bringing glory to Hashem but he’s achieving glory for himself. And so, by means of his behavior he’ll bask in the glory of this world, and then when the time finally comes, because he changed himself too, he’ll bask in the glory of the Next World forever and ever.
Have A Wonderful Shabbos
