Gratitude Never Fades
Written by Daniel Shasha
There is something very puzzling about the Torah's treatment of Amon and Moav, compared to the other nations who harmed Klal Yisrael. Amon and Moav are prohibited from marrying into our nation because they didn't greet us with bread and water when we left Mitzrayim, and they hired Bilaam to curse us. Yet, Edom and Mitzrayim, despite the terrible things that they did to us, are permitted to marry into Klal Yisrael after three generations (23:4-8).
Surely, this is very perplexing. Didn't these nations treat us harshly as well? Edom denied us access to their country, even though we offered to purchase food and drink from them, and they even threatened to wage war against us. Then, there were the Egyptians, who enslaved us, threw our baby boys into the Nile, and subjected us to terrible suffering. So, why is Amon and Moav's lack of kindness viewed much more severely?
The Ramban (23:4) explains that Amon and Moav were both descended from Lot, whose life was saved by Avraham, who acted with incredible self-sacrifice to rescue him from captivity. Amon and Moav should have shown gratitude to the descendants of the one who had saved their ancestor's life. Instead, they turned against us. Because of this lack of gratitude, they are prohibited from entering our nation.
Rav Yerucham Levovitz explains that this teaches us something fundamental about who we are as Jews. Gratitude is not simply a nice character trait. It is an essential part of what it means to be a Jew. Therefore, a nation that doesn't have this quality is incapable of joining Klal Yisrael since this is the antithesis of what we stand for (Da'as Torah, Beiurim 23:40).In fact, Chazal teach that we are called Yehudim, from the word hodaah, to thank, because gratitude is so deeply connected to our identity (Midrash Shir HaShirim Zuta 1:1).
In contrast to Amon and Moav, Edom and Mitzrayim are allowed to marry into our nation after three generations. Regarding Mitzrayim, the Torah says, "Lo tetaʼev Mitzri, ki ger hayisa beʼartzo"—"You shall not despise an Egyptian, because you were a stranger in his land" (Devarim 23:8).
This is astonishing. After everything the Egyptians did to us, including enslaving us and throwing our baby boys into the Nile, how can the Torah tell us not to despise them?
Rashi explains that despite everything they later did to us, we must remember that they provided us with a place to live during a time of great difficulty: "Because they provided you with a place to stay in a time of great distress". (Rashi, Devarim 23:8)
The message is so powerful. The Egyptians did terrible things to us, but that does not erase the good they once did for us. In reference to this, Chazal (Bava Kamma 92b) say the following dictum: "We should not throw a stone into the well from which we drank.” Even when someone has subsequently hurt us, we do not erase the good that they once did for us. We are still expected to remember it and have hakaras hatov for it. Klal Yisrael were hosted in Egypt for many years, and it was there that we grew into a nation of tremendous size. Whatever else happened later, we must still remember the kindness of having been given a place to live when we needed it. The Torah is teaching us that gratitude does not disappear simply because circumstances later changed.
This is a very important lesson for us today. We should strive to remember the people who have helped us, the places that have given us opportunities, and the kindnesses that have been done for us, even when many years have passed. We may have different views from someone who helped us, or our relationship with them may have changed, but that should not cause us to forget the good.
This idea also displays the importance of feeling gratitude towards our home country. We might have different views and live different lifestyles yet we need to appreciate the fact that we are able to live there.
Several years ago, the renowned Torah scholar Rav Ben Zion Kook, Rosh Beis Hora'ah HaKlali in Yerushalayim and a close talmid of Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashiv, zt”l, was visiting the Lakewood Yeshivah. Hundreds of bachurim and avreichim gathered to hear him deliver a shiur and share memories of his revered rabbi, whom he had served closely for many years.
The Bachurim were asking the Rav questions and, in passing, one of them mentioned that it was America's Independence Day. Rav Kook then shared a broader lesson about our attitude towards America. He explained that Rav Moshe Feinstein and Rav Elyashiv referred to the United States as a” Malchus Shel Chesed, a kingdom of kindness.” It is a place where Jews were able to seek refuge from the horrors of Europe and are freely able to practice Torah and mitzvos. The Rav emphasized, "The Jews of Eretz Yisrael, and certainly the Jews of America, must show hakaras hatov to this Malchus Shel Chesed.”
