A Bird Named Moses
A burglar breaks into a house. He starts shining his light around looking for valuables. Some nice things catch his eye, and as he reaches for them, he hears, “God is watching you.”
Startled, the burglar looks for the speaker. Seeing no one, he keeps putting things in his bag, again, he hears, “God is watching you.”
This time, he sees a parrot. “Who are you?” the burglar asks.
“Moses,” the bird replied.
“Who the heck would name a bird Moses?” the man laughed.
“I dunno,” Moses answered, “I guess the same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler King David.”
A Bird on a Wire
Shmuel Gross’s son Chaim Yankel lived overseas and as a gift Shmuel sent Chaim Yankel a gift of a rare bird. Not being a great expert in ornithology, Chaim Yankel thought the bird was a delicacy. When Shmuel called to see how Chaim Yankel enjoyed the gift he sent, Chaim Yankel replied, “Oh, the bird? I shechted it. It was delicious!”
Incredulous, Shmuel cried out, “You mean you ate the bird? Do you know how valuable it was? It could even speak two languages.”
“So why didn't he say something?” asked Chaim Yankel.
A Couple of Tests
Little Moishie Grossman was saddened by the fact that his Zadie was in the hospital. So he decided to write Zadie a "get well soon" card. Inside the card he wrote:
Dear Zadie,
Mommy tells me that you went to the hospital for some tests. I hope you get straight "A's"!
Love, Moishie
A Friendly Sale
Shmuli Horowitz was having a garage sale and invited some of his neighbors to sell their wares at his place as well. One of Shmuli’s neighbors, Brent Mathews, took four tires over and was asking $30 apiece. Brent needed to leave for a few minutes, so he asked Shmuli to watch the tires for me.
"Sure," Shmuli said, "but if someone offers less, how low are you willing to go?"
"Try your best for more, but I guess I’d be willing to accept $15," Brent said, and left.
When Brent returned, his tires were gone. "How much did you get for them?" Brent asked excitedly.
"Fifteen dollars each."
"Who bought them?"
"I did!"
