In this week’s parshah, the passuk states, “Tzur yeludcha teshi vatishkach kel mecholeleka — You forgot the Rock Who bore you; You forgot the G-d Who delivered you.” Many tzaddikim explain this passuk in a similar manner which contains an important lesson for us all.
Hashem created shikchah, forgetfulness, to enable us to move on with our lives. If a person was unable to forget that he will pass on one day, he could become very depressed. If a person was unable to forget his pain at a certain incident, his distress at a loss, and so forth, he would be unable to function. Forgetting is a gift. Unfortunately, we sometimes misuse this gift. We forget things we should remember. We start to forget Hashem, chas v’shalom. We forget why we were put into this world and what we’re supposed to accomplish.
The truth is that all abilities and character traits are a similar package deal — they can be used for good, but they also have a flipside. We have the ability to choose how to see things, and this is something that should be applied properly regarding how we perceive the personality traits and tendencies of those around us, especially those we love. If your spouse is lighthearted and cheerful you may see it as a beautiful thing. Many people appreciate that even when things are tough, such a person doesn’t get beaten down. Sadly, others view the same trait negatively, seeing their spouse as someone who doesn’t take things seriously, lacks responsibility, and laughs everything off.
When it comes to ourselves, we should work to utilize the positive aspects of each quality. Take the right things lightly and know when to take things seriously. When dealing with others, however, we have to acknowledge that their traits are part of a package deal. You can choose to frame any trait as either positive or negative, a quality or a problem. It’s up to you. If your spouse is stingy, you can choose to appreciate that you don’t have debts because of them. If your spouse is quieter and more reserved you can appreciate the fact that they aren’t sharing personal information or looking for unhealthy attention. If your spouse is a stickler for punctuality, you can appreciate their innate sense of responsibility and feel secure in the knowledge that they have a serious approach to life. And so on.
In his famous tefillah, the Rebbe Reb Elimelech of Lizensk asks that, “Shenireh kol echad maalas chaveireinu velo chesronam.” The simple meaning of this is that we should see the good in others and not their shortcomings. On a deeper level, this can mean that when we see the maalas chaveireinu, the qualities a person has, we shouldn’t see the negative aspects of those same qualities.
People often complain about other people’s personalities or tendencies without realizing that others see them as positive qualities. The wife who hates her husband’s extreme punctuality may have never thought about what life might look like if her husband was chronically late; the husband who resents his wife’s tendency to spend money “too freely” might never have stopped to appreciate that there’s always milk in the fridge for his morning coffee and the bathroom is always well stocked with toilet paper.
