What a child (or a parent of married children with shalom bayis issues) can say, before gently detaching himself, is something like, “I know there are other people who deal with similar things, and there are certainly people who can help, such as Rav X or Rebbetzin Z.” A parent can even tell a child, “You know, your mother and I also had our own issues when we were younger, and we went to speak with someone who really helped.”
After all, even if it does really seem that a parent wants a child’s input and advice, a parent will generally be resistant to taking even well-meaning advice from their own child, while they would be much more capable of listening to advice, even if given in a more direct manner, from an outsider.
Often, especially when we know the person well, there’s a great temptation to try to “open their eyes,” and this certainly applies within families when parents and children are all-too-familiar with each other’s weaknesses. A person looking in from the outside, by contrast, will see the full picture with each person’s strong and weak points, and will be wise enough and detached enough to help all the various parties to do the same.
Especially in this situation, where the child sees for himself that the parents can be complicated at times to deal with, he’s very likely to be tempted to go to each of them and try to get them to see things the way he does — particularly as he thinks this is what the parents want him to do. However, it’s likely to be very unhelpful if he tries this.
