Forgiving is extremely important in marriage too. Since we are all only human, we all make mistakes. One must never hold a grudge against one's spouse but should always forgive, just as Rabbi Nachum was quick to forgive and held no grudge against the arrogant lawyer. Always try to put yourself in your spouse's place. Would you like someone to always remind you of your old mistakes, or would you prefer being forgiven for what you have done? Treat your spouse as you would want to be treated yourself.
It is a selfish and arrogant character trait not to be forgiving towards others. Our Sages say that there are three-character traits that distinguish the Jews from others: they are bashful, they are full of pity for others, and they do kindness (Yevamos 79a).
When you forgive your spouse, you are exercising all three of these positive Jewish character traits. You are bashful, since you know that you also make mistakes and are ashamed to hold a grudge when you yourself are not perfect. You have pity, since you realize that it hurts your spouse when you do not forgive. And you are kind to your spouse when you overlook his/her shortcomings.
Besides that, imagine the tremendous reward you will receive for forgiving: all of your own sins will be forgiven. A person who is married may find that his spouse is constantly making mistakes. He therefore has numerous opportunities to forgive and gain that tremendous reward of having all his sins forgiven. Every time we perceive a fault in our spouses we should really rejoice, for this means that we have been given another opportunity to forgive and have all our sins forgiven.
Being married provides us with a constant test of character. Your patience, humility, and capacity for kindness are constantly being tested. The more successful we are in passing the test, the greater will be our reward in the World to Come and the greater will be our chances of having a wonderful marriage. (R’ Eliezer Parkoff)
