According to Din Torah, one is permitted to marry their grandmother, but Rabbanan later prohibited such an act as part of sanctifying oneself by abstaining from that which is permitted to you. It is permitted, but sanctify yourself, as that is the essence of קְדֹשִׁים תִּהְיוּ.
The Be’er Moshe continues with another learning. The Gemara says talmidei chachamim are referred to as malachim – angels, quoting a pasuk in sefer Daniel (4:14): בִּגְזֵרַת עִירִין פִּתְגָמָא וּמֵאמַר קַדִּישִׁין שְׁאֵלְתָא – This sentence is decreed by the Watchers; this verdict is commanded by the Holy Ones. He goes on to explain that the origin of this trait can be traced back to when Bnei Yisrael were exiled in Egypt, where we’re told by Chazal מְצוּיִם שָׁם. Bnei Yisrael maintained their elevated status by remaining different from the nation surrounding them, just as angels are separated and different from mankind. The siddur commentary Iyun Tefilla explains that Bnei Yisrael physically separated themselves by living in Eretz Goshen, on the outskirts of the country. The Abarbanel adds that they also enacted measures not to engage and mix in with the Egyptians surrounding them. What measures did they enact? They did not change their original names, language, religion, or clothing. They separated themselves by putting fences around these elements. Note: There are versions of the Midrash which only state the first two, names and language, and other versions that list all four. The version found in Midrash Rabbah (Vayikra Rabbah 32:5), says: שֶׁלֹא שִׁנּוּ אֶת שְׁמָם וְאֶת לְשׁוֹנָם – Reuven and Shimon descended to Egypt, and Reuven and Shimon came out from Egypt; Yehuda was not called Rupa, Reuven was not called Luleyani, Yosef was not called Leiseis, and Binyamin was not called Alexandri. As for not changing their language, earlier we are told וַיָּבֹא הַפָּלִיט וַיַּגֵּד לְאַבְרָהָם הָעִבְרִי – the survivor came and told Avraham the Hebrew. That was their language and it remained such in Egypt: וַיֹּאמְרוּ אֱלֹהֵי הָעִבְרִים נִקְרָא עָלֵינוּ – The G-d of the Hebrews called upon us.
The Vilna Gaon says every nation has four unique attributes, as learned from Parshat Noach when the nations were born and dispersed: לְמִשְׁפְּחֹתָם לִלְשֹׁנֹתָם בְּאַרְצֹתָם בְּגוֹיֵהֶם. Every nation has its language, its names, its clothing, and its customs. Had Bnei Yisrael begun to use another nation’s names, language, and clothing, they’d have become that nation! Therefore, Bnei Yisrael are called מְצוּיִם שָׁם, as they did not deviate from their traditions.
In the Hoshanot of Sukkot, as per the customs of Bnei Ashkenaz and some Bnei Sefarad, we find a stanza that reflects this idea:
כְּהוֹשָׁעַת אָדָם יְצִיר כַּפֶּיךָ לְגוֹנְנָה, בְּשַׁבָּת קֹדֶשׁ הִמְצָאָתוֹ כּוֹפֶר וַחֲנִינָה.
Like You saved Adam, the work of Your hands, as a Protector, on the holy Shabbat you found him atonement and clemency. Adam HaRishon was deserving of punishment but did not receive it on the day of Shabbat. Recognizing this, he proclaimed: מִזְמוֹר שִׁיר לְיוֹם הַשַּׁבָּת. The next stanza reads:
כְּהוֹשָׁעַת גּוֹי מְצוּיָן מְקוּיַם חוֹפֵשׂ, דֵּעָה כִּיוְּונוּ לַבּוֹר שְׁבִיעִי לְנוֹפֶשׁ.
Like You saved the distinguished nation hoping for freedom, they intuited to choose the seventh day for repose. Bnei Yisrael are the distinguished nation hoping for freedom, having distinguished themselves in Egypt by maintaining their names, their language, their dress, and their customs. Another of the Hoshanot we read expresses the very same idea: אֲנִי חוֹמָה – The nation, ‘I am a wall’. Bnei Yisrael are a nation that walls itself off from all other nations and maintains its holiness by doing so. There was no physical חוֹמָה around Goshen, only the fences they self-imposed around their behavior.
When Yaacov Avinu led the descent of Bnei Yisrael down to Egypt and was subsequently introduced to Pharoah, Rav Moshe Feinstein says the conversation reflected his plans. Pharoah asked him כַּמָּה יְמֵי שְׁנֵי חַיֶיךָ – How many are the years of your life? What did Yaacov answer?
יְמֵי שְׁנֵי מְגוּרַי שְׁלוֹשִׁים וּמְאַת שָׁנָה מְעַט וְרָעִים הָיוּ יְמֵי שְׁנֵי חַיַּי וְלֹא הִשִּׂיגוּ אֶת־יְמֵי שְׁנֵי חַיֵּי אֲבֹתַי בִּימֵי מְגוּרֵיהֶם׃
The years of my temporary residence are one hundred and thirty years. Few and troublesome have been the days of my life. I have not attained the years of my father’s lives, in the days of their temporary residence.
The Ramban comes straight out and says: “I know no reason for this comment by our aged patriarch. Is it ethical for a person to complain to the king? And what sense is there in saying all this?” Why did Yaacov not just give his age and move on? What was with all the context and commentary, none of it requested? Rav Moshe Feinstein says, Yaacov was telling Pharoah as follows: “We’ve come to dwell here but have no intent to assume any role or position in government. We want to be completely separate despite that resulting in מְעַט וְרָעִים – a bad predicament.” Why a bad predicament? Because it is always more advantageous to take part in governing, as you can dip your hand into this budget, take a little from that budget, help steer this law in your favor, and ensure that law never passes. That is the optimal setup, but Yaacov Avinu said, “We didn’t come to transform the Egyptians into Jews, nor the Jews into Egyptians. We want no connection to the Egyptian rulers or people, and no representation in any governing bodies. We prefer to remain מְעַט וְרָעִים – a small number of people living a messed-up life down here. Give us Eretz Goshen and don’t even come to collect the garbage! Stay out, the door is locked.”
Why did Yaacov Avinu bring his parents into the conversation? Rav Moshe says (Darash Moshe, Vayigash), he was expressing how his position differed from that of his parents. Avraham Avinu had opened a huge tent to welcome in the world, to feed and teach them, to draw brachot from them, and to convert them to monotheism. Yitzchak Avinu continued in his father’s path, seeking to draw multitudes into believing in Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Here, Yaacov Avinu made it clear that this was not his calling card. His plan was to close the gate and lock the door, not allowing any Egyptian in who might try to influence or attract a member of Bnei Yisrael. He preferred that his children live with מְעַט, but steadfast in their ways. In short, Yaacov Avinu’s answer to Pharoah was not a complaint nor a case of him venting. He was boldly stating his plans for Bnei Yisrael in Egypt. Thus, וַיִּשְׁכֹּן יִשְׂרָאֵל בֶּטַח בָּדָד עֵין יַעֲקֹב – Yisrael lived securely, as individuals like Yaacov.
The Meshech Chochma shared a similar idea several years earlier. In Parshat Vayishlach, we are told Yaacov Avinu set up boundaries, something we never saw earlier with either Avraham Avinu or Yitzchak Avinu, who instead set up eruvin. The reason is the same and is due to each’s objectives. Avraham Avinu sought ways for people to be able to reach him and join him, whereas Yaacov Avinu looked to establish demarcations that kept outsiders out. Avraham had only one son to teach and both he and Sarah could spend plenty of time going after the rest of the world. Yitzchak Avinu also had only one son to teach, and that son went off to yeshiva at a young age, leaving his father with all the time in the world for kiruv work. Yaacov Avinu, however, had twelve tribes to focus on, and needed to spend his time strengthening them rather than chasing (or fending off) others.
Furthermore, as Rav Moshe explains, there is no obligation to steer someone away from idolatry and convert them. This principal is derived from Naomi, who encouraged Ruth to return to her people and her (idolatrous) gods. There is no requirement to convince Mustafa to stop bowing down in the middle of the street while reciting barchu. Let him do as he pleases. The Meshech Chochma highlights Yaacov himself as the prime example of this choice, noting that he resided in Lavan’s idol-laden house without attempting to engage in discussions about religion or change his father-in-law’s ways. He even got angry at Rachel when she stole idols from her father. He was disconnected from it all, not wanting any connection whatsoever to what surrounded him. The Abudraham says this is why Yaacov Avinu is the only one of the Aviot referred to as קָדוֹשׁ. In our Shemoneh Esrei, the first bracha of Magen Avraham corresponds to Avraham Avinu; the second bracha of Mechayeh HaMeitim corresponds to Yitzchak Avinu; and the third bracha of Ha’kel HaKadosh corresponds to Yaacov Avinu. The bracha of Ata Kadosh corresponds to Yaacov Avinu because he was disconnected from his surroundings and sanctified as a result. Numerous pesukim can also be found in Tanach referring to Yaacov, or Yisrael, alongside kadosh.
Based on this, according to the Alter of Kelm, we can understand what is found in Parshat Va’etchanan:
וְיָדַעְתָּ כִּי ה' אֱלֹהֶיךָ הָאֱלֹהִים הָאֵל הַנֶּאֱמָן שֹׁמֵר הַבְּרִית וְהַחֶסֶד לְאֹהֲבָיו וּלְשֹׁמְרֵי מִצְוֹתָיו לְאֶלֶף דּוֹר׃
You will know that Hashem, your G-d, is the G-d, the trusted Almighty, who keeps the covenant and the kindliness for those who love Him and for those who keep His commandments, for a thousand generations.
This pasuk is in reference to the previous two pesukim which focus on why Hakadosh Baruch Hu took us out of Egypt, and the Saba of Kelm asks the obvious question: Who kept His commandments in Egypt? Who was observing Mitzvot there to warrant the reward of being taken out of slavery? We learn that Bnei Yisrael were naked in terms of mitzvot and merits, and thus they were given the mitzvot of Korban Pesach and Brit Milah to generate enough merits for redemption. This implies that for generations they lived without keeping the mitzvot at all. They even worshiped idols while there! He answers, the fact that they did not change their name, language, and clothing was the mitzvah in their hands and the basis for Hakadosh Baruch Hu’s kindness being shown to them and His covenant being kept, as the pasuk states. This is a huge mitzvah, he says, as it would have been very natural for them to adopt the ways of their masters instead of holding onto the traditions of their ancestors.
The Meshech Chochma raises one final question, posed gently, which I'll reframe in a more blunt and direct manner. Bnei Yisrael were idol worshipers in Egypt, and on the tenth of Nisan, they were commanded to take the same animal they had just been bowing down to and prepare it for slaughter. Only one of the tribes – Levi – were circumcised while down there. With all that, what is so special about them not changing their names, their language, and how they dressed? They bowed down to a lamb while wearing a shtreimel? Amazing! Zeilig, in full chassidishe garb, is prostrated on the ground and calling an animal his god! That’s what we consider to be a holy people?! Would it not be better if we called him Peter and he wore the latest Egyptian fashion while praying to the lamb? Is it really a feat that he maintained the same name as his great-grandfather? Is it so praiseworthy that the man’s name is David but he never had a bris? Does the fact that he’s wearing a modest suit and tie make up for the fact he never entered the covenant as commanded? Are you kidding me here or speaking seriously? This makes no sense!
The Meshech Chochma’s answer is tremendous, and I’ll add to it the parts he doesn’t directly say. Bnei Yisrael went down to Egypt for one purpose: to cleanse themselves from the זֻּהֲמָה – the contamination stemming from the sin of Adam HaRishon. They needed to be cleansed in the כּוּר הַבַּרְזֶל – the iron furnace of Egypt in order to be prepared for Matan Torah and to make them worthy of receiving the Torah. The Gemara (Shabbat 146a) tells us that when Bnei Yisrael stood at Har Sinai, פָּסְקָה זוּהֲמָתָן – their contamination ceased, whereas the nations that did not stand at Har Sinai, לֹא פָּסְקָה זוּהֲמָתָן – their contamination never ceased. How did that become possible and how were those results achieved? When Bnei Yisrael were in Egypt, not a single one of them married a non-Jew. Despite being devout idol worshipers, every member of the nation abstained from marrying outside the community because they were in Egypt to purify themselves from the זֻּהֲמָה, and avoiding interaction with the Egyptians was integral to that process. How can one avoid such interactions? If you don’t speak their language, and don’t share the same names or customs, there is no way, or reason, to connect. You can’t even ask for directions, let alone continue into a follow-up conversation that leads to dinner and drinks. The fences and boundaries they established regarding names, language, and clothing enabled them to maintain separation from the Egyptians, facilitating the success of their mission of purification.
Look at Sefer Nechemia (13:23), where the people focused on not worshiping idols and not committing grave sins, yet they wound up inter-marrying Ashdodite, Ammonite, and Moabite women because they spoke the same Ashdodit language as the locals without even knowing how to speak their own Jewish language. The Gemara (Sotah 36a) says they were ripe for a miracle – רְאוּיִין הָיוּ יִשְׂרָאֵל לַעֲשׂוֹת לָהֶם נֵס – just like the generation that left Egypt, but such a miracle was not performed for them because of their sin. What sin? The sin of mixing with another nation and joining them in marriage. They did not have the fences of language, as the generations in Egypt set up, to prevent this from happening.
Hakadosh Baruch Hu, so to speak, did not care that Bnei Yisrael worshipped idols in Egypt, because it’s possible to disconnect from that with the snap of a finger. One morning, they were told מִשְׁכוּ וּקְחוּ, and the worshipping of lambs ended right on the spot. Avraham Avinu sent Eliezer back to his homeland to find a wife for Yitzchak. It didn't matter that everyone there was an idol worshiper because that trait could be overcome, unlike the pervasive evil and corruption found in Cna’an, which could not be severed. Avraham abandoned his father’s house of idols, and Yitro turned from the world’s top priest of idolatry to a humble servant of Hashem. Another proof of this can be found in the continuation of Eliezer’s story. Upon reaching the house of Lavan, the camels did not want to enter as the house was filled with idols. Lavan said, “I cleared the house and made space for the camels.” What crazy person throws away all the idols they worship? Lavan worshipped them in hopes of becoming rich, but now that riches arrived (from Avraham), the idols and idolatry were expendable. Hakadosh Baruch Hu, so to speak, did not care that they worshipped idols in Egypt because that was reversable as long as they kept themselves separate from the Egyptians.
The fences and boundaries we set up as part of קְדֹשִׁים תִּהְיוּ are not part of the laws given to us at Ma’amad Har Sinai. You can open up the Shulchan Aruch and nowhere will you find that one cannot name their Jewish son, Peter. Nor George or Cleve or Steve. I checked and there is no such prohibition in there. We’re not allowed to use the names of wicked people, but these other common names found around the world – no issue. Is there a problem with speaking another foreign language? None whatsoever. (Wearing another culture’s clothing is a different matter, as there is a prohibition of וּבְחֻקֹּתֵיהֶם לֹא תֵלֵכוּ – not following in their ways.) But the commandment of קְדֹשִׁים תִּהְיוּ applies precisely to what is permissible to us: בְּמּוּתָּר לְךָ קַדֵּשׁ עַצְמְךָ. Leaving Egypt, we became a holy nation by setting our boundaries and restricting our actions, even when permissible, just as we will in the future become a holy nation once again, worthy of the final Geula.
