Surprise, surprise! It is very possible that this lowlife “Harry” has greater Zechusim than a: םֶחֶרֵמ שׁוֹדָק born Tzaddik, precisely because of his difficulties. אָרְגַא אָרֲﬠַצ םוּפְל אבות ה כב The reward increases according to your effort is a simple truth that nobody believes. People respect only simple greatness and finished products, including Gedolei Yisroel. They give no value to the pain of having a strong Yetzer Hara.
When a person has lusts, he thinks that there is something wrong with him, & that he is a bum without Yiras Shamayim. He envies all those Tzaddikim who appear to have a “smoother ride” than him. But this is not Daas Torah! It’s Daas Baalei Battim (i.e., the opposite of Daas Torah), and as “frum” and “well-meaning they may be, they are still dead-wrong and are Kofer have no faith in Chazal who respect struggles more than those pure giants!
The Rambam in Hilchos Teshuva was aware of this crooked way of thinking (that we are all guilty of!). We cannot get past it unless we work hard to once-and-for-all appreciate the Tza'ar that we go through, in worrying about conquering our low-life lusts. The Rambam keeps emphasizing our holy Chazal who say that: םיִדְמוֹע הָבוּשְׁתּ יֵלֲﬠַבֶּשׁ םוֹקָמְבּ דוֹמֲﬠַל ןיִלוֹכְי םיִרוּמְג םיִקיִדַצ ןיֵא ברכות לד ב Baalei Teshuva are even GREATER than pure Tzaddikim! Those Tzaddikim can’t even stand near you!
The “strugglers” are always falling, and are always: הָבוּשְׁתּ יֵלֲﬠַבּ תַניִחְבִבּ a type of Baalei Teshuva, and their reward is incredible and almost impossible to believe! Shlomo HaMelech in Mishlei has a beautiful Passuk: רָז בַרָﬠְתִי אֹל וֹתָחְמִשְׂבוּ וֹשְׁפַנ תַֹרָמ ַﬠֵדוֹי בֵל משלי יד י No one else can feel the pain of your struggle, but the joy of your triumph will be felt by you alone. You may be full of bitterness with the pain & embarrassment of your struggles, but if you keep trying, then you are in a constant ongoing state of Teshuva.
And in the end, when you have shown that you didn’t give up despite your unending perpetual weaknesses, you will be Zoche to such Simcha and reward, that all those: םֶחֶרֵמ שׁוֹדָק born Tzaddikim will have no Shaychus with you, and they may not even be Zoche to even SEE your place in Gan Eden.
