A positive word can positively affect a person, even if it was not intended. When a person hears positive words, they fill them with energy and enthusiasm. This story is relayed by R’ Elimelech Biederman, who says that this story was told to him directly from the rebbi who it happened to.
There was a child with many challenges. He didn’t get along with his friends and was misbehaving in all areas. Whatever he did went sour. At home, he didn’t listen to his parents, only causing them stress and tension. When his father questioned him on what he was learning, he couldn’t recall anything, and he didn’t understand anything his father tried to go over with him. In short, things weren’t going well for him at all.
When the time came for the fathers to meet the rebbi, the boy’s father expected the worst: how his son disturbs the class, how he doesn’t listen, and how he must get him help...
When it was this father’s turn, he sat down at the rebbi’s desk and introduced himself as the father of Shlomie. The rebbi’s face lit up. “Shlomie! Shlomie is one of the best boys in my class. He is such a pleasure to have and a pleasure to deal with. He understands everything that I teach him, and when there are boys that don’t understand, he’s the go-to boy that all the boys turn to. I’m so privileged to have Shlomie in my class.”
The father assumed that the rebbi was giving him the standard introduction before he dropped the bomb on what Shlomie was really like, but the rebbi just continued praising Shlomie to no end.
Understandably, the father was shocked. “Is he sure that he’s talking about my son?” the father thought. “I hadn’t known this about him. All I know about him is that he is such a troublemaker.”
“Are you sure you got the right Shlomie?” the puzzling father asked the rebbi.
“Of course,” the rebbi replied. “Shlomie is my pride student.”
Well, the father was assured that there was no mistake, and thus he went home very happy to have been spared the embarrassment he had been expecting. But what made him even happier was the fact that the son he thought was a failure was essentially succeeding. By far, this was more exciting than anything else.
Upon returning home, his son anxiously approached him, asking what his rebbi had said about him. To Shlomie’s surprise, his father repeated his rebbi’s unending praise and accolades. “Your rebbi said that you’re the star of the class, and that the entire class benefits from you. He is very proud of your excellence, and he just wants to see you continue growing and exceeding.”
Hearing this, Shlomie thought to himself, “If that is how my rebbi views me, then I must not be as bad as I think. If he views me so, I must live up to my reputation.” From then on, he turned over a new leaf in his life. He started putting in his all, trying to stand to his name.
The end of the story doesn’t have to be told, but as you probably guessed, the rebbi had indeed confused the two Shlomies in his class. Nonetheless, the mistake turned out to be exactly what Shlomie had needed to hear, and it was what turned his life around.
This recalls a question that came to the desk of the mashgiach, R’ Chatzkel Levenstein. Boys in the yeshiva came to question the custom of the friends of the chosson making a sheva brachos for him, where they get up and praise him. Many times, they get up and exaggerate with praises that are far from the truth, showering the chosson with traits he’s never exhibited, and they were concerned about m’d’var sheker tirchak. They thus approached the mashgiach for his opinion on this matter.
R’ Chatzkel replied with sharp words: “This generation has a sickness. No one praises anyone else. People don’t express to each other how they are respected. The only time they do so is by a sheva brachos. And now you’re coming to uproot that too? It is the only thing left over from the days in which compliments were given freely, and we must not get rid of it.”
From the words of R’ Chatzkel, we see a powerful thing. We need inner pride, and he was not going to let it go, however much it may have been over-exaggerated when delivered.
