Q. Why did the base runner feel like garbage?
A. Because he got thrown out.
Q. Who plays baseball in your living room?
A. The home team.
Q. Who turns the lights on and off at the ball park?
A. The switch-hitter.
Q. Why did the baseball player practice milking cows?
A. Because he heard he was being sent to a farm team.
Q. Why are the longest sports articles about pitchers?
A. Because a pitcher's worth a thousand words.
Q. Why are baseballs white?
A. Because they keep getting hit into the bleachers.
Q. Why did the baseball coach buy a big broom?
A. Because he wanted to sweep the World Series.
Q. Why do baseball fans wear casual clothing?
A. Because ties aren't allowed in baseball.
Q. Why didn't the runner get to second base?
A. Because he was single-minded.
Q. How would you feel if you ate home plate?
A. Homesick.
Q. How did the baseball player die?
A. He choked up on the bat.
Q. Where do baseball players clean their bats?
A. In the bat-tub.
Catching the late bus
I usually work the evening shift, finishing close to 11:30 p.m. I normally have to run to catch the 11:30 bus. Last New Year’s Eve, I finished work and raced to catch the bus, but by 12:10 it still hadn’t come, so I figured I’d likely missed it.
I turned to a man who had been waiting alongside me the whole time and said, “Sir, how long have you been waiting?”
He looked at his watch and said, “Since last year.”
Career Goals
Little girl: "Daddy, what do you have to do to become a doctor?"
Daddy: "You have to do well in school, take a lot of math and science, get into an excellent college, then go to med school, and follow that with an internship and a residency. Then you can start your own practice. Honey, you’re so smart, you can be anything you want to be."
Little girl (after some thought): "What do you have to do to be a queen?"
Good Question
How can anyone be lactose intolerant when we all live in the Milky Way?
Dental Appointment
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 50-odd years ago.
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. Hmmm.........or could he???
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School .
"Yes. Yes, I did. I had a Mustang." He gleamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1973. Why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely.
Then that old, wrinkled man asked,
"What did you teach?"
