Question
I have gained tremendously by learning how to calm my negative feelings (as explained in Getting To Know Your Self ). Is it possible to teach this as well to children, and is this recommended? And how can I teach it to children? Also, when children begin to mature, they have a greater need for social connection and having a group of friends. At that stage, is it appropriate to explain to them of the need for silencing their negative feelings [and to learn how to become “alone” in the soul], and bring them to this inner point?
Answer
A child should be taught about the “inner world” in the form of girsa d’yankusa, “the learning on a child’s level”. It’s like when we teach children to daven, make berachos, honor their parents, etc. and to do all these things on a “general” level. We learn Mishnayos with a young child on a “general” level, teaching him about general concepts, without trying to get him to understanding.
In addition to this, it’s good to get our children used to thinking about intellectual questions, as explained in “Getting To Know Your Children.” And every so often, it’s recommended to take our child to a quiet place and discuss intellectual thoughts with the child. Gradually, and according to the child’s current capabilities, we can allow a child to have some thinking time, observing him from a distance, and giving the child a point to think about. We can also provide a child with a pleasant, relaxing song to listen to. And every so often, the child can be trained to do this while sitting in the dark.
In this way, we can gradually train a child to have some access to the power of being “alone”, in a calm, relaxing manner, accompanied by listening to a relaxing song. Like this, the child learns about the power of “alone” in a pleasant manner.
These are the practical actions we can teach a child, and this is besides for all the other matters of hashkafah that we need to teach a child about.
