Finding a Taste in Avodas Hashem
The eighth story in Sippurei Ma'asiyos has a similar theme to this lesson in Likutei Mohoran:
"Once there was a Rabbi who had no children. Eventually he had an only son who he raised and married off. The son would sit upstairs and learn Torah, as was customary among the wealthy. He would learn and daven constantly, but felt he was missing something, and he didn't know what it was. He felt no taste in his studying and prayer. He told this to two friends, and they recommended that he travel to a certain tzaddik."
Sometimes a person feels no satisfaction or chiyus, and he figures that this is due to his lack of avodas Hashem. It appears to him as if his life is going by without fulfilling any purpose. However, the truth is that this feeling of not achieving anything and seeing only his shortcomings comes from the fact that he has no chiyus and satisfaction from kedushah, similar to the Rabbi's son in the story.
The advice for this situation is travelling to the tzaddik and learning his sefarim. The tzaddikim open the window for us to receive the light of daas. They teach us that avodas Hashem is not a competition to see how much we can get done. Rather, the purpose of serving Hashem is to bring us to feel the light of emunah and kedushah in our heart to the point that it is as if we see Hashem with our own eyes. We sense the Presence of the Shechinah together with us as we learn Torah and fulfill mitzvos. As Rebbe Nosson says (Hilchos Masa U'Matan 4), "The reason we say 'lesheim yichud Kudsha Brich Hu u'Shechintei' before every mitzvah we perform is that our main intention in doing mitzvos is to bring us to emunah [that Hashem is close to us]."
Awakening Emunah with Every Mitzvah
In the darkness of the physical world, the only way to attach ourselves to the light of emunah is through fulfilling the mitzvos of the Torah. Every mitzvah has a unique power to purify our mind and heart in a way that we can feel the illumination of Hashem's Presence and awaken a deep ratzon for Him, which is the purpose of all mitzvos. Therefore, the Zohar HaKadosh calls the mitzvos the "613 Pieces of Advice," since all the mitzvos are ways to shine the light of emumah into our soul.
And even if we don't understand the secret meaning of every mitzvah, we can always grasp the general intention of unifying HaKadosh Baruch Hu and the Shechinah, which is an aspect of strengthening our hearts to connect and unite our chelek Elokah mima'al with Hashem.
Every person can live with this reality according to how much he awakens his emunah in the kedushah of the mitzvah he's doing. In particular, a person must believe in himself-that Hashem certainly pays careful attention to the mitzvah he's fulfilling and gets incredible pleasure from it. This inspires him to be attached to Hashem.
If a person must trust in Hashem's providence regarding his material obligations, all the more so he should trust in Hashem regarding his spiritual avodah. In other words, we must know and believe that Hashem certainly watches us and gets nachas from our avodah. This is the main foundation of fulfilling the Torah, as Reb Nosson says (Masa U’Matan 4): “Kabbalas HaTorah depends on believing in Divine Providence. Only then is it relevant to have mitzvos and aveiros, reward and punishment, since nothing is hidden from Hashem and nothing is concealed from His eyes. And He chooses [to give us] Torah and mitzvos that are done in this world."
Quenching Our Thirst through the Tzaddik's Teachings
However, as Rebbe Nachman says in this lesson, "All of this depends on coming close to tzaddikim, since they make guidelines and times so that we shouldn't be in a constant state of thirst." The reason for this is that the more we connect to the tzaddikim, the more our neshamah awakens with a yearning to feel the light of emunah. Thus, when we do a mitzvah or learn Torah, we focus our thoughts on our present avodah and we believe that the Shechinah is with us. Then, we naturally stop worrying about what we need to do afterwards.
But without this connection to tzaddikim, avodas Hashem becomes a constant thirst-we always feel the need to do more and we're never satisfied. It constantly seems like we can only get fulfillment from something else. For example, when we're davening in shul, we're thinking about doing hisbodedus, and when we're doing hisbodedus we're thinking about learning Torah, and when we're learning Torah, we're thinking about when we will be finished. Similarly, when we're helping out at home, preparing for Shabbos, and the like, it seems like we're missing out on time we could be studying.
This wheel spins around day after day to the point that we don't have any taste in our avodas Hashem. Even the good deeds that we accomplish have little value to us, and we lose our ratzon for the Creator.
On the other hand, when we come close to a true tzaddik, we receive a completely different feeling in avodas Hashem. We're constantly focused on the current mitzvah we're doing, since we're always yearning to be close to Hashem, and we can find that closeness in every good deed we fulfill.
Although we should certainly have a desire to do more for Hashem and achieve spiritual growth, it is just as important for us to find satisfaction from every aspect of our avodah.
With this, we can understand the words of the famous song Yedid Nefesh: נַפְשִׁי חוֹלַת אַהֲבָתְךָ, אָנָּא אֵל נָא רְפָא נָא לָהּ בְּהַרְאוֹת לָהּ נֹעַם זִיוֶךְ—my soul is lovesick for You, please Hashem, heal it with the revelation of Your sweet illumination." Even though we feel lovesick for Hashem and search to come closer to Him, nonetheless, the main healing for our soul is seeing His sweet light-finding the nachas we give to Him with what we've already accomplished and what we're doing right now. This is how we can escape excessive thirst by discovering closeness to Hashem at the present moment.
L'Ma'aseh-Practically Speaking
By connecting to tzaddikim, we awaken our emunah that Hashem gets incredible pleasure from every good deed we fulfill. Through this, we can find incredible satisfaction in avodas Hashem and yearn to accomplish more without feeling an excessive thirst that is never being quenched.
