Yitzi goes to a New Year’s Eve party. He’s having a great time but after a while he realizes he lost his wallet. Yitzi’s not a shy guy, so he stands up and says “Excuse me! Excuse me! I lost my wallet with $500 in it. I’ll give $50 to whoever finds it!” From the back of the room comes a voice, “I’ll give $75!”
One day Mrs. Kvetch, was looking after her six-year-old when he fell off a playground slide and hit his head. Worried that he might have a concussion, she checked him all night. Every hour, she'd gently shake him and ask, "What's your name?" Soon, he began moaning in protest each time she entered the room. When she went in at 5:00 A.M., she found something white on his forehead. Leaning close, she saw a crayon-scrawled message taped to his forehead. It read: "My name is Daniel."
A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted his cardiologist - Dr. Simon Goldstein in his shop. Dr. Goldstein was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?" Goldstein, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new." "So how come I make such a small salary - and you get the really big bucks? You and I are doing basically the same work!" Dr. Goldstein paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic, ''Try doing it with the engine running."
Shlomo walks into 'Harry Kosher Butchers', goes over to Harry and says, "So, Harry, I hear that you're something of a betting man." "Yes," replies Harry. "Well," says Shlomo, "You're a tall man, so I bet you $50 that you can't reach those pieces of meat hanging on those hooks up on that wall." "I'm not taking your bet," says Harry. "Why not?" says Shlomo, "I thought you were a betting man." "I am," says Harry, "but the steaks are too high!"
