JOKESJOKES
Three robbers are on the run from the cops. They run down an alley and find three boxes and decide to hide in one each. The cops arrive at the first box, they kick it, and he shouts, "Woof woof!" The cops decide it must be dogs and move onto the next box. "Meow meow!" the next one exclaims. The cops shrug, thinking it is cats and move on to the next box. "POTATOES!" yells the last one.
A smug state highways employee stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for a possible new road." The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field." The employee said, "I have the authority of the state government to go where I want. See this badge? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on farmland." So, the old farmer went about his farm chores. Later, he heard loud screams and saw the state highways employee running for the fence. Close behind was the farmer's prize bull. The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets and was gaining on the employee at every step! The old farmer called out, "Show him your badge!"
I saw a notice outside a police station that read: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY. So, I went in and applied for the job.
A detective was questioning a burglary suspect. "Where were you between five and six?" the suspect asked. "In kindergarten!" he replied.
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says, "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses." The woman answers, "Well, I have contacts." The policeman replies, "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"
A state trooper pulls over a car and walks over to the driver. "Today's your lucky day," he says. "We have a program to promote seatbelt use. I pulled you over because you were wearing your seatbelt. You will receive a reward of $5,000. So, what are you going to do with the money?" The man thinks for a moment and answers, "I think the first thing I will do is go out and get a driver's license." His wife in the front passenger seat screams out, "Oh for goodness sake, Officer, don't listen to him. He always talks nonsense when he's drunk." The commotion wakes up their friend in the back seat. He sees the officer and screams at the couple, "I told you we wouldn't get far in a stolen car." And then there is a banging from the trunk, followed by a voice, "Ay amigos, did we cross the border yet?"
A police officer pulls over a woman for speeding. Officer: License and registration, please. Driver: It must be in here somewhere... (rummaging in her handbag) Officer: Ma'am, I haven't got all day. Driver: What does the license look like? Officer: It's small & rectangular and has your picture on it. Driver: Oh! Here it is! (Hands over her mirror to the officer) Officer: If you would have told me in the beginning that you're a police officer...
Brought to you by Uncle Benjy, author of Laughter is the Best Medicine: Kosher and Jewish Jokes for the Whole Family, available on Amazon.
