The Beautiful Middah of Patience While Awaiting Salvation
Patience Is Critical for Bitachon
Reinforcing Our Bitachon
A quality that is crucial to develop and internalize so that we may experience proper bitachon in Hashem is the middah of סבלנות, patience. If a person doesn’t properly cultivate this middah, he will never be able to trust completely in Hashem. He’ll be stuck somewhere along the way, and his bitachon will never be complete.
A person may start out with a good attitude, saying to himself, “I’ll turn to Hashem and be completely calm. And even if I determine that it’s right to turn to another person for a favor, I will do so in an indifferent manner... not placing all my hopes in this person.” This may work in the beginning, but as time goes by, and he doesn’t see his salvation, he may begin to think, “I did everything I was supposed to do, and nothing happened! I need a yeshuah! I davened, I pleaded, I implored... and nothing happened. When will it come?! All these thoughts of emunah and bitachon are nice in theory... but this is real life! I need to take care of my affairs....”
Bitachon Must Be Accompanied by Patience
Of course, our primary avodah must be to simply believe in Hashem and to rely upon Him. “I don’t need to see how things play out or how they work—because I am satisfied with the knowledge that Hashem is running my life. I am allowing myself to be led from Above. I feel content and serene, just like a suckling child at his mother’s side. If the Ribbono shel Olam says ‘no,’ then I don’t need it. Things don’t necessarily need to go my way.”
But, l’maiseh, even after reiterating our trust in Hashem, we can often engage in exaggerated hishtadlus because we’re impatient for the yeshuah to come. For this reason, it is crucial to have the middah of patience. The question is only: How do we instill bitachon in a person who doesn’t have it?
Sometimes, we hear people say: Why are you in such a rush? Why are you so pushy? Have patience. The problem with this is that yelling at a person to have patience won’t imbue him with newfound patience....
The Anatomy of Impatience
Let’s think about some examples that happen all the time, so we can understand what really transpires within us when we’re impatient. In this way, we will hopefully learn how to acquire this important quality.
Suppose a person has an important meeting, and he must arrive there by a certain time. But he hits traffic on the way, and there’s no way to get there quicker. What goes through his mind? Usually, he becomes angry. He may say that he’s just stressed—but when we look deeper, we will find that instead the person is really upset and angry about the situation.
The next thing he does is to look for someone or something to blame. Sometimes, a person will blame himself for not setting out in time or for not rescheduling the meeting. Sometimes, it’s the fault of the driver in front of him for driving so slowly. And other times, when there’s no one left to blame, it’s the fault of the government for not maintaining the roads properly.
But if we’re really honest with ourselves, we’re angry with... the Ribbono shel Olam! Why? Because “Nothing I want to do goes smoothly. Everything must come with difficulty. I needed to meet with this person last week already, and this is the third time we rescheduled the meeting... and now I can’t even get there! Why?!”
The Doctor’s Waiting Room
The same applies to waiting to be seen by a doctor. It happens all the time. We show up for our nine o’clock appointment on time, but another patient came a few minutes earlier and cut in front of us. This person looks around for whom to blame. “Why did this person cut in front of me?!” Or “I should have come earlier to the appointment.”
Sometimes, we’re so upset that we don’t have the presence of mind to realize with whom we’re upset. But, at the root, we’re angry at Hashem for designing this failure.
Pained with Impatience
A similar thing happens when we daven for a yeshuah and it takes time to arrive. He davened for a shidduch, and not one new suggestion came up. It’s not “as if” nothing happened; Nothing happened! And this person becomes angry. “Not one shadchan acknowledges me or my child.... Am I a bookcase on the wall?! What is this?!”
The same happens when a person, chas v’shalom, loses his money. He is so sad and disenchanted. “When I had money, everyone smiled at me and greeted me. All of a sudden, like magic, everyone forgets about me... no one is interested in me or willing to help me....”
We don’t judge people who are experiencing painful times. But we must understand that such thoughts come because we forget that the Ribbono shel Olam cares about us and thinks about us. He wants what is best for you, and He only wants to help you! He never abandoned you—but because it’s been a week since you davened for the yeshuah, and you haven’t seen results yet, you’ve already severed your connection with Hashem.
If your salvation comes right away, and you receive parnassah from sources that you couldn’t even have fathomed, then you remember that Hashem loves you and has compassion for you, but since nothing happened immediately after you davened, and you don’t have patience, you immediately forget that the Ribbono shel Olam is the greatest, most merciful One—and you become angry at Him, which causes even more severance and untethering from Hashem.
Waiting Patiently with the Knowledge That “You’re Already Helped”
Impatience Severs the Connection
Sometimes, a person develops an attitude of “practicality.” He doesn’t become angry or resentful. He simply says, “I’m not going to wait around... I will take what I need with my own two hands.”
It’s like asking your friend to get you a glass of water. “Can you get me a glass of water?” you ask. But this person doesn’t hear you. So, you ask louder, “Can you please get me a glass of water?” If he doesn’t respond the second time, you get off the couch and you retrieve it yourself! “I’m not going to wait until you finish your phone call. I’ll just get it myself.”
But when we have this attitude toward Hashem—Who knows what we need, and precisely when we need it—it’s a terrible thing. This person feels that he davened, and he wasn’t listened to. A whole week passed by, and nothing (discernable) happened! You know what?! I will take care of it myself!”
Have Patience with Hashem
This person says, “Someone wronged me terribly, and I restrained myself for a week and didn’t tell him anything—because I davened that the matter should become resolved. I said, I will give it one more chance. I will daven to Hashem for it to be resolved. But several weeks have passed, and nothing happened. So, if it won’t go the easy way, I’ll take matters into my own hands.”
But it’s a shame to think this way—because it leads to being disengaged and disconnected from Hashem. He may have waited a week, but had he waited one more day, he could have had everything he wanted, with serenity and ease. The Ribbono shel Olam would have resolved the situation without him going to war against the other person. You would have had the money as well as peace. But you couldn’t wait—because you didn’t feel that the Ribbono shel Olam would resolve it for you.
A true ba’al bitachon is prepared to wait even twenty years! Yes, it’s difficult. But he knows that he can’t take care of it himself in any case. “The Ribbono shel Olam is listening to my tefillos, and if I didn’t get it yet, it means that I don’t need it yet. And if I try and take it myself, it will bring me no good.”
It’s Already Resolved
Ehrliche Yidden of past generations would say, “After I have davened, the matter is as good as resolved! I did what I needed to do—and every time I think about doing something else about it, I’ll remember that it’s already done!”
The ba’al bitachon doesn’t sit with a watch, checking to see how long it takes the Ribbono shel Olam to respond to him. “It’s taken care of, as far as I am concerned.” And if a person feels that this feeling is wearing off—if he doesn’t feel the serenity that he felt right after he davened—then Chazal tell us that we must daven again! Daven again — and remember that the matter is resolved.
Don’t Grab
Patience means that once one has davened, he must reiterate to himself, “I have already done everything I need to do. I have already been helped. The Ribbono shel Olam is taking care of the matter for me.” There’s a danger that as we await our yeshuah, we may lose our connection to Hashem because we haven’t yet gotten what we need—and through this impatience we may ruin everything that we accomplished with our davening. We may ruin our accomplishments in one of two ways: Either by becoming angry and impatient with Hashem, or by trying to take matters into our own hands.
We repeat: There’s no prohibition against asking another person for help, but throughout this we must remember that we’re not reliant on that person. If after we have davened, we feel upset or impatient, or restless and itching to take matters into our own hands, we must know that we’re in danger of losing what we have attained through turning to Hashem, because we have now turned away from Him. If a person sees himself engaging in impulsive behavior, or if he’s prone to anger, lashon hara, or bothering other people, he must take hold of himself.... Where are you going? Can’t you wait for the Ribbono shel Olam?!
Everything Can Be Resolved Smoothly
Two Yidden had an important matter to resolve, but they felt that if they did what they needed to do, it would offend one or both of their parents. They were very torn about what to do.
The truth is that the matter could be resolved without any offense to the parents! But how? I don’t see a way! This question is valid only when we think, “I must do it, and this is my only way of doing it!” If you believe that after you have davened, the Ribbono shel Olam will take care of it, then it’s entirely possible that He will do so without any violation of kibbud av v’eim. Since the Ribbono shel Olam is the only One who can help me—He will do so in the best way possible.
But this requires patience on our part. We must daven constantly and remember that it’s Hashem Who will resolve everything for us.
The Original Sin: Taking Before It’s Time
The Sin of Adam HaRishon Was Impatience
The idea of patience is one of the fundamental principles in Yiddishkeit itself. Chazal tell us that underlying the sin of the Eitz HaDaas was the impatience of Adam HaRishon. He ate from the Tree of Knowledge before the time was ripe. The sin took place on Friday. Had he waited until Shabbos, he would have been permitted to eat from the tree!
Likewise, regarding the sin of Dovid HaMelech with Bas Sheva, the Gemara tells us that she had been ordained since Creation to marry him. But he approached her prematurely, before the time.
Sometimes, we have a feeling that something will come to us. And the reason we feel this way is because it is indeed meant for us, and this is why we have such a strong feeling about it. But we must wait for the right time. Adam HaRishon couldn’t wait, and he wrought eternal damage through his impatience.
We All Make This Mistake
So often, our mistake isn’t in what we pursue, but the impatience with which we go after it. It could have come to us in the sweetest way... but we lost our wits along the way. We felt, “You think I’m going to wait for you to get here?! I’ll take it myself!”
The Sefarim HaKedoshim tell us that every time a thief illicitly steals something, he would have gotten it regardless. But because he didn’t wait, and he took it in an illicit way, he must pay for committing the crime.
It’s not easy to wait patiently—because we have the urge to do something while we wait. But we can work on this and overcome this urge through emunah and tefillah and by constantly remembering that the Ribbono shel Olam knows what we need, and He remembers us always. And every time the emunah wears off, we must daven again—ויתפלל יחזור—so that we reawaken our feeling of patience with the Ribbono shel Olam.
Korach Was Impatient
The Arizal tells us that the sin of Korach was likewise taking something that was really meant for him—but before its time. We know that the לויים will serve as כהנים when Mashiach comes. Korach wanted to bring about the Final Redemption and Complete Rectification of the world, and this is why he desired the כהונה. But he was premature—and that is why he lost everything.
This underscores the point that the sefarim teach us: When a person feels drawn to something, it usually has a connection to his soul. But our avodah is to wait and be patient, in the belief that if it’s really meant to come to us, the Ribbono shel Olam will give to us. There’s no need to take it before the time.
We must understand that this is a tremendous nisayon: to bolster our patience, to restrain ourselves from doing too much to take things before the Ribbono shel Olam deems it time. If a person is patient, he won’t become angry with Hashem, and he won’t feel the urge to take matters into his own hands. He will avoid both reactions, and thus he will remain connected to the Ribbono shel Olam—a connection that will ultimately bring him everything he needs, in the sweetest possible way.
Forcing Fate
This sugya of patience with Hashem is essentially strongly connected to the prohibition of הקץ דחיקת, forcing redemption before its time. The yeshuah will come, and it’s waiting for us. But it must wait for the right time. The only way we can hasten the redemption is through tefillah. Any attempts Yidden undertake to bring about redemption through their own efforts has ended in catastrophe. We cannot bring גאולה on our own!
If a person engages in such efforts, he has abandoned the Ribbono shel Olam, and this will only delay the redemption.
We must understand that when we’re impatient, we are, by definition, angry with the Ribbono shel Olam. We have forgotten that the Ribbono shel Olam remembers us constantly, and we have forgotten that Hashem is interested in us and always does what is best for us. We have forgotten to submit ourselves to the Divine Plan. And if we forget these fundamental things, we sever our connection, and this delays the yeshuah, R”l.
Conversely, if we reiterate to ourselves, again and again, that the Ribbono shel Olam cares deeply for us, loves us, and accompanies us every step of the way... if we recall instances of Hashgachah Pratis that we have lived through... then we will hold onto our patience, no matter how long it takes for the yeshuah to come. We don’t become angry, and we aren’t inclined to grab what we want—and this way, we will indeed see the sweet blessings and salvation that only the Ribbono shel Olam can give us, through His generous and benevolent Hand.
