“And he wrote her a bill of divorce” (24:1)
Nothing is sadder than family break-up. Divorce is the scourge of our modern world. In all sectors of the community, divorce is on the rise. In some areas, more people now get divorced than stay married. Prenuptial agreements are par for the course. More and more couples enter marriage with fewer and fewer expectations.
The Torah acknowledges that not all marriages will be successful. If necessary, it gives us the mitzvah of divorce with a document called a get. The concept of "till death us do part” is not really a Jewish idea. However, divorce, while being a mitzvah, is no source for joy.
Judaism teaches that when a couple gets divorced, the mizbeach (holy altar) weeps. How are we to understand this idea that the altar weeps? Nothing in Judaism is merely poetic. And why specifically should it be the altar that weeps? Why not the Tablets of the Covenant? Why not the husband’s tefillin? Why not the wife’s Shabbat candelabra?
Probably the greatest source of marital disharmony is misunderstanding the purpose of marriage. The secular paradigm, enshrined in every fairy tale, from the Brothers Grimm to the Brothers Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, is that the princess finds the prince of her dreams. She finds total fulfillment in Prince Charming, and he finds everything he wants in her: Beauty, poise, intelligence, money, someone who puts the top on the toothpaste. Everything!
Marriage is a Machine for Giving
But marriage is not about finding someone to fulfill you. It’s about finding someone you can fulfill. Marriage is a machine for giving. Marriage is about living the principle that you are not the center of the world. In the Book of Genesis, the Torah says, It is not good for man to live alone. When you live alone, you only have one person to give to — yours truly. The world revolves around you. You are the center of the universe.
The mizbeach is the place where man gives to Hashem. Man gives of his best and offers it to his Creator. The word korban (woefully inadequately translated as sacrifice) derives from the root “closeness.” When you give, you become close. When you take, you distance yourself.
By Itself Salt is Nothing
The Torah tells us that no korban could be offered on the mizbeach without salt. Salt is the archetypal giver. Salt has only one purpose: to give taste to something else. By itself, it is nothing. When a person sees himself as salt, when he sees the whole purpose of his existence is to give, he has added the vital ingredient to his marriage. He has added the spice of life.
Reprinted from the Parshat Ki Tetzei 5783 email of OHRNET – The Orh Somayach Torah Magazine.
