Toil in Avodas Hashem
Chazal say, אגרא צערא לפום, Hashem gives reward in accordance with the hardship. When it is hard to perform a mitzvah, the reward will be greater. This also applies to the teshuvah and the improvement we seek to attain during these days of Elul. It is very hard to change our ways, which makes our teshuvah so precious to Hashem. Because change and teshuvah are so hard to do, kabbalos tovos are very important. It is a tangible, clear direction toward improvement.
There is a surprising Gemara (Chagigah 5:), which says, יום בכל עליהן בוכה ה''הקב שלשה, "Hakadosh Baruch Hu cries over three people every day." One of the people for whom Hashem cries every day is the one who doesn’t have time to study Torah, and he studies Torah regardless.
This Gemara is difficult to understand because we would assume that Hashem would be happy with a person who is moser nefesh to study Torah study. Furthermore, the Yismach Moshe zt'l (Yayin HaRekach on Shas) asks that this Gemara will cause people to be less devoted to Torah study, since there are people who toil in Torah, even though they don't have time to do so, and their intention is to create a nachas ruach for Hashem. But if they hear that their studies cause Hashem to cry, they will surely stop. They want to make Hashem happy, not sad!
The Yismach Moshe answers with a Taz (Orach Chaim 288:2) who quotes a Chazal that Reb Akiva was once crying on Shabbos, and his students were shocked because it is forbidden to cry on Shabbos. He replied that his crying brings him pleasure. The Taz explains, "I think that due to his great deveikus with Hakadosh Baruch Hu, his eyes would shed tears. We find in Zohar Chadash that Reb Akiva would cry a lot when he read Shir HaShirim..."
The Taz is saying that Reb Akiva wasn't crying out of sadness; he was crying from the pleasure of deveikus. The Yismach Moshe explains that when a Yid doesn't have time to study Torah, but he overcomes all challenges and finds time to study Torah, Hashem has immense pleasure from this. He loves the person and draws the person near to Him. This deveikus causes Hakadosh Baruch Hu keviyachol to cry from pleasure and joy.
Let this remind us of Hashem's great joy whenever we are moser nefesh to serve Him and whenever we have mesirus nefesh to do teshuvah, even if the teshuvah lasts only for a short time. These moments of mesirus nefesh and teshuvah draw us close to Hashem.
A bachur went off the derech, r'l, but then he began the process of teshuvah. Gradually, he was returning. When the yom tov of Shavuos arrived, he refrained from doing melachos, and for him, this was a great accomplishment – a step in the right direction. After Shavuos, he told his Rav, "I kept Shavuos, but I was occupied with סור מרע, not doing any aveiros on this day. I am jealous of all the others who were also occupied in the טוב עשה, performing the mitzvos of the day. I didn't go to the beis medresh to daven like they did. I didn't stay up learning Torah like they did..."
The Rav replied that he doesn't have to be jealous of others because he passed a difficult test, and that makes his "little", greater than their "lot". The Rav said, "When there was a Beis HaMikdash, the levi'im played music. It inspired people and caused a deep yearning for Hashem. There were also kohanim in the Beis HaMikdash, who were slaughtering animals, placing their fingers into the blood, and sprinkling it on the mizbeiach. Now, let's consider who performed a greater avodah before Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Was it the service of the Levi'im, whose music inspired people to very high levels of deveikus to Hashem or was it the service of the kohanim who brought the korbanos? It is certain that the kohanim's service was greater because בדם אלא כפרה אין, atonement comes from the blood of the korbanos. About the korbanos, it states ריח ניחוח, that it created pleasure for Hashem. This is because Hakadosh Baruch Hu's primary nachas ruach is when a Yid deals with blood, which represents toil in avodas Hashem. To us, the blood appears dirty, but it represents a service full of hardship and toil when we overcome our bad tendencies, and this is what creates a nachas ruach for Hashem.
Reb Avraham Pollak zt'l, the mashgiach of Slabodka, asked the Chazon Ish zt'l, "Why do we go through the process of teshuvah in Elul and during the yamim noraim? When Cheshvan comes around, we will return to our old selves!" The Chazon Ish answered that it is all worthwhile for a few days of closeness to Hashem. A moment of teshuvah is significant, even if it doesn't last. At another time, the Chazon Ish explained that if it weren't for these days, we would easily fall "into the mud" of aveiros and bad habits. So, perhaps the teshuvah won't last, but at least it prevents us from falling even deeper into the quagmire of sin.
Someone asked the Slonimer Rebbe zt'l the same question. What is the purpose of Elul and teshuvah if it won't last? He replied that chimney cleaners bathe each night, even though they know they will become dirty again the following day. They still clean themselves because they appreciate the feeling of being clean. Similarly, during Elul, we strive for purity. Even if the effects are temporary, the effort is worthwhile. A moment of spiritual purity is precious to Hashem and to us.
Sailors use ropes to tie their ships to the pier. Since the ropes sit in the water and are subject to constant wear and tear, the sailors must change them quite often. Someone once watched sailors changing a torn rope for a new one, and he asked, "What is the purpose? Soon this new rope will also be worn out, and you will have to change it again." The sailors replied, "Do you have a better solution? If we don't tie down the ships, they will float away into the sea." Reb Chaim Friedlander zt'l told this mashal to explain the importance of Elul. We will likely drift away from our resolutions (kabalos tovos) for the new year, but we need Elul to anchor ourselves down on the path of improvement. Without Elul, we would undoubtedly fall away from Hashem. It is recommended that a person take on a kabbalah that is easy to keep. It can last for a long time if it isn't too hard. However, as we see now, even if chas v'shalom the teshuvah doesn't last, the process is in itself precious and has many benefits.
Reb Levi Yitzchak Bender zt'l related that after the petirah of the Chozeh of Lublin zt'l, a wealthy person came to the Chozeh's widow and asked her to sell him the Chozeh's yarmulka. The Rebbetzin agreed to sell it for two thousand gold coins. The wealthy man agreed to that price and went home to bring the money. Meanwhile, the Chozeh's Rebbetzin washed out the yarmulka. She figured that since the buyer was spending such a large sum of monarmulka should at least be clean. When the wealthy man returned with the money, she gave him the yarmulka. He said, "This isn't the yarmulka we discussed." She replied, "It is the same yarmulka. I just washed it." The wealthy man said, "I wanted the sweat-soaked in the yarmulka. That's why I agreed to pay so much money." He didn't want to pay so much money for the yarmulka, without the signs of the toil and effort that was in it.
Similarly, let us recognize that it isn't our beautiful deeds that Hashem enjoys most. It is the toil, the sweat that we invest in the mitzvos. It is the battles we wage against the yetzer hara that give the most pleasure to Hashem. Of course, when avodas Hashem is easy, we shouldn’t slack off. Don't think that these times aren't precious just because they come easily. We share a humorous story to bring out this point: A Chasan came to his rav after his chasunah and asked which arm he should put on tefillin. The rav was surprised by this question and asked, "Which arm did you use until now?" He replied, "I know that the tefillin goes on the left arm, but my wife tells me that I have two left hands. So, now I don't know which arm to put on tefillin." So, the left arm, which resembles tests and struggles, is very precious to Hashem. However, one must be cautious that he doesn't turn both arms into left arms. There will be times when avodas Hashem comes easy, and he should make sure to utilize these times properly.
This can be compared to a person who was r'l involved in a terrible car accident and broke many bones. He arrived at the hospital unconscious. He awoke weeks later, and everyone rejoiced. But now he had to undergo painful physical therapy, so he could move again like before. The therapist asked him to lift a paper cup. He only managed to lift it an inch or so; he was so weak. After a couple of weeks of no progress, the therapist decided it was time to become stricter with this patient.
