In this week’s parshah, the Torah teaches us, “Vesamachta bechol hatov ... atah vehalevi vehager asher bekirbecha — And you shall rejoice with all the good ... you and the Levi and the stranger who is among you.”
The Chasam Sofer teaches an important lesson from these words. In order for a person to be satisfied with what he has, he has to know his place. There are always people who have more than we do — this is the Levi, who serves Hashem on a higher level — and people who have less — the ger. When we look at those who have more, we should be thinking about how they are probably doing more as well, which makes them more deserving. When we look at those who have less, however, we should be filled with gratitude for what we have that they don’t.
Approaching life like this helps us to guard against arrogance, to be grateful for what we have been given, and to feel a sense of obligation to be doing better. It is also key to enabling us to reach the madreigah of “Vesamachta bechol hatov.”
Unfortunately, people often do the exact opposite, comparing themselves to those who have more and complaining, and then looking at those who have less and patting themselves on the back and reassuring themselves that they must be doing amazing if they are more blessed. Hashem often gives us opportunities to overcome the middah of arrogance, if only we remember to look out for them.
We can see this clearly with our children. People often take credit for their children’s accomplishments and enjoy and even expect the nachas, telling others how much they invested in their chinuch. When things don’t go so smoothly, however, they find fault with the entire world and refuse to take any responsibility for what went “wrong.”
Other parents do things the right way. When they have difficulties, they don’t look for someone to blame — themselves or others. They realize that they don’t deserve anything and ask Hashem to help. And when they see nachas, they thank Hashem for it. “Thank you, Hashem, for my child who’s learning, for the one who has such good middos, for the child who’s such a pleasure to be around...” They don’t take anything for granted.
Then there are parents who would have taken success and nachas for granted... if not for the fact that they have one child who is more challenging. In almost every family with several children, there is one child who is a bit more challenging. It’s often those challenging children who teach us to invest more in our chinuch and who remind us not to take the accomplishments for granted. It’s normal to experience challenges with one or more children, and it’s important to learn how to deal with them.
