This week’s parshah begins with Hakadosh Baruch Hu telling Moshe Rabbeinu to count Bnei Yisrael in such a way that “there will be no plague among them.” The sefer Emes l’Yaakov explains the words of the passuk, “Ki sisa es-rosh Bnei-Yisrael ... venasnu ish kofer nafsho...” as a lesson in how to help one’s fellow Jew do teshuvah. A person who is absorbed in his ego and sees himself as perfect is simply incapable of engaging in the self-examination needed to mend his ways. A person who sins very often becomes arrogant, and a person who is full of gaavah cannot see what he needs to correct. Therefore, if you want to uplift such a person, you sometimes need to break him just a little first. Ridding oneself of gaavah is the work of a lifetime, but it’s necessary in order to do teshuvah.
The story is told of how R’ Yonasan Eibeschutz was once davening in a certain shul and noticed a man repeating over and over to himself the words, “Venafshi ke’afar lechol tihyeh—my soul should be as dust to everyone.” Later during davening, this man was given a certain aliyah and from his expression it was obvious that he resented not being given a greater honor. R’ Yonasan approached him and asked him in mock wonder: “But I heard you repeating what a nothing you are...” The man looked surprised. “That was between me and Him. But between me and that galgan—that’s something else entirely!”
Being humble enough to admit that you’re wrong is not easy. I once heard from an old Yerushalmi Yid, quoting his melamed from many years previously, “Sometimes, you’ll hear someone say: ‘You know what? You’re right.’ But you’ll never hear anyone saying: ‘You know what? I was wrong...’”
Being unable to admit that you’re wrong isn’t always just arrogance, however. People with very low self-esteem are just as unable to look honestly at their mistakes, because they feel that admitting to the slightest flaw makes them totally worthless. We have to know that it’s okay to make a mistake, that doing the wrong thing isn’t the end of the world, because we can apologize, feel regret, and fix things.
