We want to tap-in to the joy of Purim, but there are constantly things that disturb our simcha.
The days of Purim are finally here. We’ve been anticipating the opportunity to enjoy the celebration of this holy yom tov and tap in to its uplifting message of happiness. After a long, dark, and cold winter we’re ready to break out with ecstatic joy. But there’s one problem. It seems as if things are always going wrong and we’re constantly suffering. Our kids are constantly complaining and whining in our ears and our spouse doesn’t do what we ask. We are always tired and exhausted, and our coffee is not strong enough. Every morning it’s unbearably cold outside and we get stuck in terrible traffic on our way to work or kollel. Our back hurts and we feel uncomfortable. We never have the money to buy the things we need. Nothing ever goes our way, and life seems like one continuous headache.
In truth, we all know that in this generation, we really have it good. Almost anyone living in a First World Country, even if they are considered poor by modern-day standards, has an incredible abundance of wealth compared to the Jews of hundred years ago. When we look back to the suffering our ancestors had to go through in Europe, our life seems like a joke. How could we complain about such petty things? How could we let every small inconvenience tick us off? Nonetheless, even when we’re able to recognize the luxury of our lives, we still can’t shake off this feeling of suffering. We know that we should be grateful and content with all the amazing blessings that Hashem has given us, but we can’t find a way to rise above all the disturbances around us. So, we’re constantly angry and frustrated and we fail to connect to the extraordinary joy and celebration of Purim. Even on Purim itself, we often find that things aren’t going the way we wanted, and we get upset.
The reason we suffer is because the Haman inside of us tells us that we are so incredibly great. He tells us that we deserve a lot of things. We deserve to have a life in which everything goes just as we planned. Unfortunately, we fall for his trap. Then, when we inevitably don’t get what we want, our whole life gets disrupted. We can’t handle the disappointment, and the bigger we are, the more the little disturbances drive us up the wall. Arrogance is the source of all suffering in this world.
By deflating Haman’s bubble of arrogance, we can sneak underneath and escape all of our problems.
However, there is a way out. Instead of trying to rise above our problems and eliminate them, we can lower ourselves down and sneak underneath them. When we deflate Haman’s bubble of arrogance and realize how great Hashem is and just how small we truly are, then every moment of our lives we recognize the incredible blessings that Hashem is giving us. Every time we say a bracha over food, it is an opportunity to remember how much Hashem loves us, and how fortunate we are to have something to eat. Every time we say “asher yatzar” is an opportunity to remember just how fragile our existence really is, and how with His great compassion, Hashem sustains every day.
Humility is absolutely essential to being happy and living a good life. The smaller we make ourselves, the less things can bother us. If someone sits in our place in shul, it’s not a problem. Shul is not our house, it’s Hashem’s house. We can sit somewhere else. And even when things go wrong in our own home, we remember that our family is the greatest gift that Hashem could ever give us, and all the brokenness and hardship is just a part of doing the most unbelievably important avoda of raising a Jewish family.
Also, through humility we don’t get so caught up with physical discomforts. Since we don’t expect to always feel just right, it’s okay when we’re tired, or we have a little pain. Similarly, regarding money we are truly happy with our portion. We realize that no matter how hard we’ve worked, at the end of the day, our paycheck comes straight from Hashem. Without His help, we would never be able to sustain ourselves and support our family. We can thank Hashem and be happy for every single dollar we get!
We must know that there are constantly going to be problems in life. The nature of our existence in this world is that Hashem always gives us challenges in order for us to do teshuvah. The main teshuvah that we must do when we find things are not going our way is simply to let go – let go of our plans, let go of our importance, let go of our arrogance. Then, we will find the ability to handle everything that we have to go through with a smile on our face. The difficulties of our life are still there, but they can’t affect us anymore. Life is no longer completely out of order, since we know that this is precisely the order that Hashem wants it to be.
Kavod is essential to our existence.
However, for many of us this seems like an extremely difficult thing to do. We’ve spent our whole lives attached to Haman and our kavod seems essential to who we are. How could we just get rid of it?
The answer is that we’re not supposed to get rid of it entirely. Instead, we’re supposed to look for the Source of real kavod – Hashem! The cause of our arrogance is, in fact, our lack of self-confidence. Since we fail to see just how precious and invaluable we are in Hashem’s eyes, we have to try to cover up our insecurity with arrogance. Since we feel so deeply broken and distant from our Creator, we have to make up for this by building our honor and importance in this world. But once we realize the amazing splendor and kavod that we receive from Hashem, we no longer need the false kavod of this world, and we can be truly strong and confident in everything that we do.
In other words, it is human nature to desire respect and honor. Not only that, but kavod is actually the source of our nefesh (soul). We simply can’t live without it. However, we have to choose whether we’re going to look for the kavod that our ego wants, or are we going to look for the true kavod in Hashem’s eyes? Is our self-confidence dependent on the approval we receive from this world, or do we get it from its true source in Heaven?
The greatest honor in the world only comes from the King of all Kings!
When we decide to look for kavod in Hashem’s eyes, our entire life transforms. We no longer care about what other people think about us. We don’t need to show off to other people our incredible physical wealth by buying fancy things. Similarly, we don’t need to show off to other people our spiritual wealth – i.e. the things that we’ve accomplished in Torah and mitzvos – since we already have the approval from the One Whose approval really matters: The King of all Kings!
If someone insults us or disgraces us in any way, we don’t get upset. We know that Hashem loves us and appreciates us, so hurtful words can’t destroy our spirit. We are beaming with self-confidence, but without a drop of arrogance, because we know that just like Hashem gives us unique kavod and honor, so too, He gives it to each and every Jew. This is the key: not to put ourselves down and destroy our kavod, rather to build ourselves up with the real kavod that comes directly from the Master of the Universe Himself! Through this we can achieve true humility and be able to take all of the difficulties of life in stride with a smile on our face, while at the same time we can be strong in our avodas Hashem and cherish our true value.
Our clothing is a manifestation of our kavod, through which we express from whom we are trying to receive recognition.
This is the message of Parshas Tetzaveh. This parsha describes all of the spectacular clothing of the Kohen Gadol and the Kohanim. Clothing is itself a manifestation of kavod, like the verse says, “Hashem ruled as King, He clothed [Himself with] grandeur.” In addition, the gemarra says that Rebbe Yochanan called his clothing “his kavod.” So too, we are the sons and daughters of the King of all Kings and we must dress appropriately. If the prince and princess go around in tattered clothes it speaks badly about the King Himself. Just like the Kohanim and especially the Kohen Gadol were instructed to wear extraordinarily beautiful clothing as they served Hashem in the Beis HaMikdash, so too, whenever we go to daven in shul before Master of the Universe, we must make sure that we are wearing our most respectable clothes.
On the other hand, we see that the main way that a person expresses his arrogance is through what he wears. The entire world of models and fashion is all a competition of the ego to display one’s great beauty and kavod. Unfortunately, the non-Jewish culture heavily influences us to think that we must also buy the nicest suits and outfits in order to show off our wealth and physical beauty. This is clearly not the kavod that we’re looking for.
So, what are we supposed to do? We can’t wear rags but we also shouldn’t try to dress extravagantly in order to receive kavod from other people?
The answer is, as mentioned before, that just like kavod is essential to our soul, so too, it is essential for us to dress honorably. However, the difference between us and the non-Jewish world is that we shouldn’t wear our fancy clothes to get respect and recognition from others. Instead, we should do so solely for Hashem’s sake! Dressing like a prince or princess should be an expression of how much we realize our self-worth in Hashem’s eyes. Since we know just how important we are to Hashem, we know that we have to dress appropriately. Since we know just how precious our avoda is to Him, we know that we have to show Hashem respect and kavod by wearing honorable clothing. We are representatives of the King. We are His most treasured servants, so we must have the right uniforms.
A Freilichin Purim!
The theme of the Megillah is the struggle between the clothing of tumah and the clothing of kedusha.
When we take a close look at the Megillah, we see that this is the theme around which the entire story revolves. In the beginning, the Megillah describes the massive wealth and abundance of Achashverosh. It goes into incredible depth to depict all of the wondrous clothes and vessels that were used at the feast, painting for us a fantastic picture of the extravagant arrogance that took place. The midrash even says that the king profaned the holy garments of the Kohen Gadol and the keilim of the Beis HaMikdash by using them at the feast. All of this was in order to entice the Jewish people to participate in the temptations of this world and destroy any hope that was left of getting out of exile.
This is the exact same thing that the non-Jewish world is trying to do to us today. Everything is so flashy and glamorus – the clothes, the cars, the watches, the jewelry, etc. The modern world is doing its very best to completely distract us from our purpose in life and entice us with the spectacular colors and tastes of this world. This is because right now, just like during the times of the Megillah, the redemption is imminent. We are so close to the end that the Other Side has to do everything possible to stop us from serving Hashem and bringing the Geula. Their main strategy that was very effective in those days and today as well, is that they seduce us with the clothing of arrogance by making it seem so delightfully enjoyable.
However, as we all know, at the end of the day it is not enjoyable at all! In fact, it is mamash Gehinom, not only in the Next World, but in This World as well. This is why the Sages explain Achashverosh’s name to mean, “Ach-Rosh – a big headache!” When we fall for the temptation of false kavod, our life is going to be filled with such suffering that it will feel like we are being constantly beaten in the head by all of our problems and things that don’t go our way.
Nonetheless, there is incredible hope, since we have the amazing help of Mordechai and Ester! Even in the face of the extravagant feast, Mordechai stayed strong in his faith in Hashem. He even went down to the feast in order to rescue the Jews who were lost in the arrogance of Achashverosh. Rebbe Nachman explains (Likutei Mohoran I, 56) that this was also the role that Ester played by letting herself be taken into the king’s palace. While king Achashverosh thought that he was going to be able to overcome her kedusha and swallow her up into his glamorous world of kavod, she was courageously strong in her attachment to Hashem and Mordechai, until in the end, it was precisely through her that the Jewish people were saved from being lost in the physically and spiritually destructive hands of Haman.
In addition, even when Mordechai faced immense pressure from the goyim and Jews alike to bow down to Haman, he was incredibly defiant and refused to do so. This captures the idea in a nutshell. Haman’s entire existence was the essence of arrogance, which we see throughout the Megillah and in particular from the fact that he made himself into avoda zarah. Nonetheless, despite his great wealth and honor, he simply couldn’t find a way to be happy, only because one person – Mordechai – wouldn’t bow down to him. From here we see just how ridiculous our ego can be and how much deep and constant pain it causes us. We could have everything in the world that we want and desire, but because of our arrogance, one tiny little thing that doesn’t go our way can completely destroy our lives!
On the other hand, Mordechai didn’t care the least bit about his kavod in the eyes of others. He didn’t care that the whole world hated him for sticking to his beliefs. How did he have the courage to stand against such opposition? The answer is that he believed very strongly in the amazing kavod that he received from Hashem. It didn’t matter that he was all alone in his defiance, because he was not alone at all. He had the approval of the King of all Kings!
Later on when Haman’s decree to kill the Jews was announced, Mordechai took off his respectable clothing and wore sack-cloth. Although, as mentioned before, Jews should dress respectably, this was an extremely unique situation. The Jewish people were so far lost in the external world of false kavod that Mordechai had to make a stark point in order to wake them up. He did this by removing any semblance of kavod from his garments. Through this, he was indeed able to arouse the Jews to do teshuvah which in the end brought about the redemption. [Note: Perhaps, without knowing it, this is the reason why we dress up on Purim – to awaken within ourselves the desire to change our perspective on the external clothing that we wear.]
Then, the turning point of the Megillah was when the king summoned Haman and asked him what should be done for someone the king wanted to honor. Thinking of himself, he replied that such a person should wear the king’s royal clothes and be led through the streets on the king’s horse. Thus, once again, Haman was trying to take the clothing of kavod and use it for his own ego. However, the king – who as the Sages say refers to the King of all Kings – gave the clothing to Mordechai instead. Through this, the true greatness of the tsaddik and the Jewish people which until now had been utterly hidden, was revealed to the entire world.
Our job in this world is to constantly remind ourselves of the outcome of the Megillah, and to know and believe with all of our heart that the exact same thing is going to happen to us individually and to all of Klal Yisroel as a whole. Although right now it is not clear to us where the true kavod is – since the brilliant splendor that Hashem gives us is completely hidden and despised by the modern world -- nonetheless, deep in our soul we must believe that we are indeed Hashem’s treasured nation, and the real kavod can only come from Him Himself. It is only a matter of time before the true honor of the Jewish people will be revealed to the entire world.
With this in mind, we can really be happy on Purim, and the rest of our lives! No matter where we are and what happens to us, we can rejoice in the awesome kavod that we receive from Hashem on this spectacular day. All the little things that don’t go our way during the Purim celebrations can’t bother us, since we’ve got the Biggest Thing – the Master of the Universe – praising and honoring us at all times.
This article is dedicated in loving memory of Sarah Dina bas Tzvi
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