We emphasize, accept, respect, and love patients who are physically ill. Yet when it comes to mental illness, many of us shut down. Many people who struggle with mental challenges—chemical disorders, depression, and all other forms of mental challenges—feel that if anyone finds out the truth about them, they will be shunned for eternity. They feel they can’t talk to anyone, because nobody will lend them an ear or a heart. They feel that nobody will be there for them. In their minds, we blame them for their problems. As one young man suffering from mental illness told me: “My father told me, ‘Just snap out of your issues and get back to normal living. Enough!’”
This is deeply tragic. People do not choose these types of challenges; they are the result of G-d’s choices. What they need most is the feeling that they are not victims of the devil, destined to a miserable life. They are powerful souls (neshamos) who can bring light into the abyss of darkness. Our acceptance, respect, and affection for them helps them empower themselves and see themselves from another vantage point.
I heard the following story from the person it happened to. There was a young woman struggling with mental illness. It was very serious, to the point that she was suicidal. After a long ordeal and hospitalization, and much advice from the Lubavitcher Rebbe, her father thanked the Rebbe for “schlepping her out of her deep darkness.”
The Rebbe responded: “She was in no dark place that I needed to take her out from there.”
When she left the hospital, the Rebbe wrote to her: “From now on, may you serve G-d with joy and gladness of heart.”
Trust me, the Rebbe knew very well the seriousness of her condition. He was deeply involved in her entire journey, down to the electric-shock treatment given to her. But, in my opinion, the Rebbe was attempting to give her the feeling that he will never look at her as this “dark, scary soul.” He will look at her as a shining piece of G-d who was sent down to this world with infinite power, sent into a very deep space of darkness in order to reveal light there. The Rebbe reminded this person that she is an ambassador of G-d, not a victim of the devil.
Till today, this woman, who has many challenges, lives with a deep sense of purpose, joy and dignity. This is not about denial and being naive. On the contrary, it comes from a broad, sophisticated and Divine perspective, where we do not run away from trauma, pain, and mental illness. We have the courage to stare them in the eyes, and to see the pure light of those souls struggling with something they did not choose.
We have to change our paradigms about mental illness. Admittedly, sometimes it is very difficult. Unlike the physically ill, individuals with mental illness often say and do very hurtful things to people who love them most. Yet, we must remember, that they are not bad or malicious people; some of them possess the biggest hearts you will encounter on our planet. They were given a trying challenge, beyond what most of us can even fathom. Nor is it our role to become supermen who will heal them. We can’t heal them. They must find the tools within themselves (of course with the guidance of true experts in the field) to make their lives manageable and meaningful. But we can embrace them; we can be here for them; allow them to be open with us—and treat them with the dignity they truly deserve.
Stop the Stigma of Mental Illness
Rabbi YY Jacobson
