AGADAH (Rosh HaShana 6b): One’s wife will not die for the sin of "BAL TE'ACHER" (dafyomi.co.il)
QUESTION: The Gemara concludes that the verse, "v'Hayah Becha Chet" -- "It shall be a sin for you" (Devarim 23:22), teaches that the prohibition of Bal Te'acher (delaying the fulfillment of a Neder) affects only the transgressor and not his wife.
TOSFOS (DH Ela Im Ken) adds that when the Gemara in Shabbos (32b) says that one's wife may be punished if he fails to fulfill his Neder, it refers only to a situation in which the husband never fulfills his Neder. If he eventually fulfills it, his wife will not be punished for his delay.
The Midrash relates that Rachel Imenu died on the way to Eretz Yisrael because Yaacov Avinu delayed the fulfillment of his pledge to bring a libation of oil (Nisuch Shemen) to the Mizbe'ach in Beis-El. Many years earlier, when he left Eretz Yisrael to travel to the house of Lavan, he vowed to offer a libation on the Mizbe'ach upon his return (Bereishis Rabah 81:2; see also Rashi to Bereishis 35:1). Yaacov Avinu eventually fulfilled his Neder (before Rachel died), as the Torah relates (Bereishis 35:6-7).
The Midrash clearly implies that Yaacov Avinu's wife died as a result of his transgression of Bal Te'acher, even though he eventually fulfilled his Neder. How is the Midrash to be reconciled with the Gemara here? (KOHELES YAACOV (Rav Algazi); CHIDA in NITZOTZEI OROS to the Zohar loc cit.)
ANSWERS:
(a) The PERASHAS DERACHIM (Derush #3, DH uva'Zeh Yuvan) explains that the Midrash indeed argues with the Gemara (see TOSFOS DH mid'Ben, and SEFAS EMES here). The Tana'im of the Midrash maintain that transgressing the prohibition of Bal Te'acher does affect one's wife, as the Midrash states explicitly (in Vayikra Rabah loc cit.): "One who vows and delays his vow buries his wife."
(b) The KLI CHEMDAH (beginning of VaYishlach) suggests that the Midrash does not argue with the Gemara. Rather, Rachel Imenu died during childbirth, a life-threatening condition (as the Gemara mentions in Shabbos 32a). Since the attribute of strict justice is manifest at life-threatening moments, Rachel was unprotected from the ramifications of her husband's transgression of Bal Te'acher. Under normal circumstances, however, one's wife is not punished for her husband's sin of Bal Te'acher alone. (The Kli Chemdah offers another, intricate answer "Pilpul".)
(c) An original solution may be suggested based on the words of the MESHECH CHOCHMAH (VaYetzei 31:13; see also Meshech Chochmah to Vayishlach 35:8). In his Neder (Bereishis 28:22), Yaacov Avinu promised that upon his safe return he would offer Nesachim on the same "Matzeivah" that he had set up on his way to Lavan. When he finally returned, however, HaShem told him to erect a new "Mizbe'ach" and not to use the original Matzeivah (Bereishis 35:1 and 7).
The Torah forbids making a Matzeivah today because it is something which HaShem "has come to despise" (Devarim 16:22). Rashi explains that although the Avos built Matzeivos and brought offerings upon them, the practice became despicable to HaShem when the idol-worshippers imitated the practice and adopted it for the service of their idols. Consequently, one may make only a Mizbe'ach and not a Matzeivah. A Mizbe'ach is comprised of several stones, while a Matzeivah is comprised of a single stone.
Perhaps the idolaters adopted the practice of building a Matzeivah after they saw Yaacov build his Matzeivah for HaShem when he was on his way to the house of Lavan. This explains why Yaacov Avinu was permitted to make a Matzeivah when he left Eretz Yisrael but he was not permitted to use it upon his return. By the time he returned 22 years later, the building of Matzeivos had become a common practice among idolaters. (The verse which mentions the building of a Matzeivah in the context of Yaacov's return is merely a flashback to Yaacov's initial journey to Lavan; see Ramban and Seforno there.)
According to this explanation, one may propose that had Yaacov Avinu returned earlier to fulfill his Neder he might have been able to pour oil on the Matzeivah, because the idolaters had not yet adopted the practice. In the time that he delayed, the idolaters began to use Matzeivos in their idol-worship, and, as a result, he was unable to fulfill his Neder in its entirety (since he could not make a Matzeivah). His wife was punished not because he delayed his Neder, but because he was unable to fulfill it in its entirety.
