We know that anger can severely affect one’s speech. At times there are those who may even express their anger with obscenities. On the other hand, soft speech can help one even when one is angry as the Orchos Tzadikim writes silence neutralizes anger as does a soft voice. Therefore, if a man feels incipient anger building up in him he should be silent or speak softly and not raise his voice in anger. It is said that when the Chofetz Chaim would talk very softly, that meant he was angry about something at that moment.
We see an allusion that speech and anger are bound one with another: רוח refers to speech like Targum Onkolos writes רוח ממללא, a speaking spirit. רוח is also related to ריח, smell. This fits well, as אף, anger also means nose, the organ of smell. It is also interesting to note that the organ of speech and smell (the mouth and nose) share the same function as one can breathe through both of them.
A few years back on Erev Rosh Hashana there was a festive meal taking place in a yeshiva. What was the cause for such an extravagant celebration before judgment day? One of the boys in the yeshiva would get angry frequently. The year prior he spoke with his Rebbe who encouraged him to work on his anger in the upcoming year and even offered him $500 if he would control his anger. Then his Rebbe said, “I have confidence that you will be successful and so here is an envelope of $500.” The following year in Elul he returned the envelope to his Rebbe, telling him that he tried hard but was unable to succeed. The Rebbe asked him how often he got angry to which the boy replied that there were 48 days that he got angry. The Rebbe told him, “I call that success because it means that on 317 days (of the 365 days of the year) you controlled your anger. Not only should you keep the money, we will have a meal to celebrate the accomplishment.” And so, on Erev Rosh Hashana they made an elaborate festive meal.
Let us conclude with one more story on this topic. A wife once recorded her husband surreptitiously when he got angry at the children. When things calmed down she emailed him the recording and wrote, “I thought you may want to know what you sound like when you get angry at the kids.” When he heard the recording he was shocked. This galvanized him to improve himself in this area.
Shaar Hakaas, s.v. כשאדם שרוי.
Breishis 2:7.
