Although Our Strong Urges Need to Be Broken, Sometimes They Can Be Channeled Positively
People who work on their Middos and break their Retzonos can be Zoche to great Nissim, and just like they break their Tevah (nature), Midda K'neged Midda Hashem will break the rules of Tevah for them, like K’riyas Yam Suf. (Seforim HaKedoshim). But not always is a person meant to go against his nature. Sometimes, it’s appropriate to channel your Yetzer Hara and use it for good, like for example Dovid HaMelech, who used his ‘lust for killing’ for killing the Pelishtim.
Hesitating Can Make Improper Desires Disappear
When a person has a Yetzer Hara for an: אֵשֶׁת יְפַת תֹּאַר, he is permitted to marry her, but he must wait; first she has to cry in front of him, and try to look ugly. The same with fighting our own bad Retzonos. Sometimes you need to keep hesitating and trying to understand the stupidity of your anxiety, or your Kin'ah, Ta'ava, Kavod, and Ka'as (anger) issue, and hopefully it will disappear.
In the next section of our Parsha, we have a: שְנוּאָה less loved wife, whose son is older than the beloved אֲהוּבָה, and we have to go against our Ratzon and give the: בֶׁן הַשְנוּאָה son of the less loved wife a double: יְרוּשָה inheritance, since he is the Bechor. Then in the next section we have a: בֵן סוֹרֵר וּמוֹרֶׁה (wayward son), in which you have to cause your own child to die! A Yid has all kinds of daily Retzonos. Sometimes you need to give in at least momentarily, since it’s too difficult to fight. Some people may need to learn Torah with one hand, and a Pepsi Cola in the other hand!
And sometimes you had better give in, since your Shalom Bayis or job may be at stake if you don’t...
Always Talk About Positivity, Until the Entire “Culture” Of Your Family Is to Be Happy and Positive
The Torah foresaw how a negative situation can worsen, and the: בֵן סוֹרֵר וּמוֹרֶׁה (wayward son) is killed now, since he is on a negative path. יָּמוּת זַכַאי, וְאַל יָמוּת חַיָב סנהדרין עא ב Let him die now, while he is still innocent, and not later when he’ll become a danger to society. I once knew an extremely problematic family in Eretz Yisroel, with 5 children off the Derech, and all kinds of mental illnesses. It didn’t make sense to me, since the father seemed 100% okay. One day, he revealed to me that his grandfather had once been in a severe accident, and spent his life in pain, Rachmana Litzlan.
The family was constantly involved in admiring and glorifying the elder Baal Yissurim, and this father admitted to me that he developed way too much respect for Baalei Yissurim, and subconsciously he secretly desired a life with pain, Rachmana Litzlan. It is so important to always talk about positivity, until the entire “culture” of your family is to be happy and positive.
Yissurim Need to Be Appreciated in A Positive Way
However, talking all day about the (positive) Tzidkus of others can also be negative, since it invites envy, resentment, and depression. The best thing is for each person to constantly work on Sameach B'chelko, to admire the qualities that Hashem gave him, and to appreciate your Yissurim in a positive way, until you’re full of pity for those who don’t have your type of Yissurim. With the right Ma’amarei (“sayings” of) Chazal, you can prove any situation to be the most ideal in the whole world.
During Y'mei HaDin Nothing Is More Valuable to Help You Than Bizyonos
Rashi says that a person who receives 39 Malkus doesn’t stand or sit; he bends. We can suggest that bending is the stance of Hachna'a, which is the Ikar part of Teshuva. “Bending” and giving in and asking M’chila (forgiveness) even when it isn’t comfortable, is a big Yesod. Also, the Torah says: וְנִקְלָה (the person receiving Malkus has been disgraced) which teaches a new Halacha, that if a person breaks loose and runs away during Malkus, his is Patur (off-the-hook and he will receive no lashes) because he had Bizyonos! (Gemara). Here comes a Rasha who deserves punishment because he sinned, despite being warned, yet, Bizayon saves him!
Remember! There is nothing as valuable as Bizyonos to help you during Y'mei HaDin V’haRachamim. So thank Hashem all day for all those extra Bizyonos during Elul, and don’t complain about them, Chas V'shalom (and certainly don’t take N'kama). You are being saved from serious issues, Chas V’shalom, thanks to your precious Bizyonos. All kinds of pain, humility, and a: לֵב נִשְבַר broken heart does wonders for your soul, especially if you accept and appreciate them.
Appreciating Your Yissurim Gives Them “Soul” and Meaning
Chazal say: תְפִלָה בְלֹּא כַוָּנָה כְגוּף בְלֹּא נְשָמָה davening without Kavana is similar to a human body without a Neshama. The same is true with Kabalas Yissurim. If you have Kavana, i.e., you don’t just “roll with the punches”, but you have Kavana and Simcha and thought about the pain that Hashem gives you, then everything going on in your life has meaning, it has a “Neshama”.
And when a person keeps Chazzering (reviewing) Seforim and Ma’amarei Chazal that glorify the greatness of Torah, his learning has a totally different meaning. The same is true with Hachnosas Orchim, Nichum Aveilim, Bikkur Cholim, Tz'niyus, and Kedusha. They say that when he had a guest, R' Baruch Ber Zatzal would repeat again and again: "אַן אוֹרַח, אַן אוֹרַח" A guest! A guest!
If you put a drop of pond water under a microscope, you will see tiny microbes (water creatures like amoeba and paramecium). Both are tiny, live, moving creatures. They swim and swallow each other, and divide and multiply. There is a ball-like nucleus inside them, and when they divide, each new amoeba also gets a nucleus.
At the Nucleus of Our Avodas Hashem Is Our Neshama and Heart
Everything needs a Neshama; like the sap of a tree, which gives the tree life. This is why: רַחְמָנָא לִיבָא בָעֵי “Hashem wants our heart” is so important. Even if you’re lacking in Avodas Hashem and in doing Teshuva, the main thing is the Neshama; i.e., the nucleus, which is the Ratzon (your positive desire)! And by Korbanos in the Bais Hamikdash, throwing blood is all over the place, and it is the biggest Mitzva. Perhaps the reason for this is because the blood is the Neshama (הַדָם הוּא הַנָפֶׁש) and the essence and the lifeline. Every time a Cohen throws the blood, it symbolizes glorifying the Ratzon Tov of a person. Blood comes from the heart. We show Hashem with the throwing of the blood that our Ratzon is to be good! Now we have a totally different perspective to all the blood being used by the Korbanos.
Keep Learning Mussar Even If You Don’t See Results
Learning Mussar can be discouraging, especially when you don’t see it affecting your actions. R’ Chatzkel Levenstein Zatzal encouraged learning Mussar despite this since the actual Limud HaMussar is a big Zechus. People are impatient and want results. They have no idea of the Chashivus of their tiniest Ratzon.
During the Nuremberg Trials in Germany 1946, 10 top ranking Nazis were all hung on one day. They all had different reasons for their murderous unspeakable actions. The worst of these ten was Julius Streicher, who was the editor of Der Sturmer, the virulent antisemitic newspaper, which was the most popular antisemitic propaganda.
He had no remorse whatsoever, straight until the very end of his life. רְשָעִים אֲפִלוּ עַל פִתְחָה שֶׁל גֵיהִנוֹם אֵינָם חוֹזְרִין עירובין יט א Even when standing at the doorway to Gehinom, Reshaim do not change. Although all the 9 others were involved in the actual killing of Jews, and he was just involved in educating the masses to do their evil, he was the worst. We can suggest that sometimes a mind that is always occupied in evil is a worse situation than actually doing evil.
Your Thoughts and Desires to Learn Mussar During Elul May Be More Valuable Than the Actual Doing Teshuva!
Like Chazal say: הִרְהוּרֵי עֲבֵירָה קָשִין מֵעֲבֵירָה יומא כט א thinking bad thoughts are worse than doing the actual sin. מִדָה טוֹבָה מְרוּבָה How much more is this true in a positive way! Don’t make away with all your thoughts and talks and trying to learn Mussar during Elul. This might be extremely valuable in being Zoche B'din on Rosh Hashanah, especially since: רַחְמָנָא לִיבָא בָעֵי Hashem wants our intentions. By Hashem, the main thing is your desire to change, and your striving and learning extra Mussar. The famous Klal (rule) of the Chovos Halvavos, Rabeinu Yonah, and Madregas HaAdam: Just do the best you can, and Hashem will give you Siyata D’shmaya.
Being Broken About Your Hopeless Teshuva Situation Has Tremendous Value in Shamayim
The Chazzan on Yamim Nora'im starts off with: הִנְנִי הֶׁעָנִי מִמַעַשֹּ I am destitute of good deeds, and the Mishna in Taanis says that a: ץ"שַ בְעֵת צָרָה Chazzan who leads the Tefila during difficult times has to be a broken person (בֵיתוֹ רֵיקָם). If you are broken about your Teshuva situation, since you haven’t found realistic solutions to get rid of your sins, this itself has tremendous value in Shamayim.
“I wish I would learn and/or daven better” or “Improve my Bain Adam La'chaveiro” or “Stop those lifetime Kin'ah, Ta'ava, Kavod, and Ka'as (anger) problems”; all this is priceless on Yom HaDin. So keep learning extra Mussar, keep saying Orchos Chaim of the Rosh, and have Bitachon. You’ll be Zoche to a great new year, with Hashem’s help. כְתִיבָה וַחֲתִימָה טוֹבָה K’siva Va’chasima Tova
The Feeling of Stress or Pressure Is a Type of Confinement and “Mitzrayim”
We are commanded to remember how Hashem punished Miriam with Tzora'as (for speaking Lashon Hara about her brother Moshe) “on the way, when we went out of Mitzrayim”. What does Yetzias Mitzrayim have to do with the Tzora'as that Miriam had? Actually, Yetzias Mitzrayim is mentioned everywhere. We are nice to Ani'yim (the poor), the Ger, the Yasom and Almana; all because of Yetzias Mitzrayim.
מִצְרַיִם Mitzrayim comes from the word: מֵיצַר Meitzar, i.e., boundaries, limitations, far’kvetched, narrow minded, and pressure (לַחְצַנִי), and we left Mitzrayim to come to Eretz Yisroel, which is: אֶׁרֶׁץ טוֹבָה וּרְחָבָה שמות ג ח a wide and spacious land, with: אֶׁרֶׁץ נַחֲלֵי מָיִם ח ז relaxing and moving waters, אֶׁרֶׁץ זָבַת חָלָב וּדְבָש flowing with milk and honey, אֶׁל הַמְנוּחָה וְאֶׁל הַנַחֲלָה יב ט the Menucha (resting place) and Nachala (hereditary land), and Rashi in Parshas Eikev describes how much easier it is for your fields to get watered in Eretz Yisroel than in Mitzrayim.
Yetzias Mitzrayim Means Bitachon & Simcha & Calmness Like a Baby in His Mother’s Arms
That’s why Shabbos is connected to Yetzias Mitzrayim, because it is a time of Menucha and Simcha, similar to “Yetzias” (leaving the confinement of) “Mitzrayim”. And the Torah mentions allowing: רוֹצְחִים murderers to run away to: עָרֵי מִקְלָט Arei Miklat (cities of refuge) next to Yetzias Mitzrayim; as if to say: Let them go there! Mitzrayim is loaded with Tzim'tzum, hatred, and jealousy, like it says: וַיָקֻצוּ מִפְנֵי בְנֵי יִשְרָאֵל שמות א יב the Yidden were like thorns in the eyes of the Mitzri'im (Rashi).
