Chinuch of Children for Mitzvos

The Breeding Ground for Future Generations

1. The most basic foundation of Klal Yisroel's existence throughout all generations, and particularly in our challenging generation, rests on the kedusha of the Jewish home and the enormous responsibility parents bear in the chinuch of their offspring. The mitzva of chinuch is not simply a defined halachic obligation; it serves as the spiritual fortification ensuring the continuity of the chain of generations in the path of our holy Torah and mitzvos.
2. Chinuch of children includes chinuch in Torah values and pure hashkafos faithful to our holy Torah. It also includes specific, practical, and fundamental halachos pertaining to every Jewish home at every moment, ranging from the dining table and how to act on Shabbos and Yom Tov to the details of day-to-day conduct.
3. With an understanding of the great necessity to present the clear, practical halacha, we are introducing a series of issues on the halachos pertaining to chinuch of children, their fulfillment of mitzvos, preventing them from issurim, and how they relate to the practical halacha with the reality of our times, e.g., preventing melacha on Shabbos, how long to wait between fleishigs and milchigs, giving a non-Jew's milk to a baby, feeding a child on Yom Kippur, eating before davening, etc. etc. We will start with some principles about this mitzva.
4. May it be Hashem's will that our words be accepted, and that in the zechus of raising the issue and keeping the halachos pertaining to children, we should see children and grandchildren involved in Torah and mitzvos with kedusha, tahara, desire, passion, enthusiasm, and joy.

Who Is Obligated?

1. The fulfillment of Torah and mitzvos was given to people with awareness and the capacity to have obligations. We find multiple sources and reasons for this in the words of the poskim.
2. "איש." Some cite as a source the many instances of the word "איש" regarding the fulfillment of mitzvos, the issurim of the Torah, and punishments. Chazal interpret the word "איש" to exclude children (גמ' סנהדרין דף ס"ח ע"ב, ב"ב דף קנ"ה ע"ב) from mitzvos, this as the source that children are patur from punishments and mitzvos (תוס' סנהדרין דף נ"ד ע"ב, רע"ב אבות ה' כ"א).
3. Logical reason. Some say it stands to reason logically. The Torah is a commandment to take on responsibility and mitzvos, and one cannot give commands to someone without a developed awareness or an independent mind capable of understanding the significance of his actions. A child's intellect is not complete or mature enough to take on the Torah's commands (רמב"ם מורה נבוכים ח"ג פי"ז, ובפיה"מ, ריטב"א מגילה דף י"ט ע"ב ד"ה חוץ).
4. Halacha I'Moshe miSinai. It is clear to all that a day-old infant cannot fulfill mitzvos. Thus, there must be some age at which a person enters the world of obligations. Just as the Torah established measurements for everything, e.g., a k'zayis, k'beitza, amah, etc., the Torah also established a "measurement" for the age of obligation in mitzvos. It is a halacha I'Moshe miSinai that the age of thirteen for a boy and twelve for a girl along with two adult hairs are the requirements to become a gadol and have a d'Oraisa obligation in mitzvos (שו"ת הרא"ש כלל ט"ז סי' א', מהרי"ל סי' נ"א).

The Chiyuv and Mitzva of Chinuch

1. D'rabanan. Although children do not have a d'Oraisa obligation in mitzvos, it is clear from the Gemara and poskim that there is a mitzva of chinuch. In other words, children must be trained to perform mitzvos according to their level of understanding. The mitzva to train children in mitzvos is d'rabanan (חגיגה דף ב ע"א, and Chazal associated it with various pesukim in the Torah (ח"א כלל ס"ו ס"ב, רש"י ותוס' ד"ה איזהו, רש"י סוכה דף מ"ב ע"א ד"ה חייב בלולב).
2. Some say Chazal derived the mitzva of chinuch from the pasuk "ולמדתם אותם את בניכם לדבר בם" (דברים י"א, י"ט) "ולמדתם אותם."
3. Avraham Avinu. Similarly, some understand Chazal derived it from the pasuk (בראשית י"ח, י"ט) about Avraham Avinu: "כי ידעתיו למען אשר יצוה את בניו ואת ביתו אחריו ושמרו דרך ה'" (משך חכמה שם).
4. "חנוך לנער." Another pasuk cited as a source for the chiyuv of chinuch is "חנוך לנער על פי דרכו" (משלי כ"ב, ו') (גמ' סוכה דף מ"ב ע"א, מ"ב סי' שמ"ג ס"ב).

D'rabanan Mitzvos

1. There is a chiyuv of chinuch even for d'rabanan mitzvos, whether mitzvos based on something in the Torah or mitzvos that are enactments of Chazal not based in the Torah (שו"ע סי' ק"ו ס"א ומב"ש שם, וע"פ מ"ב סי' קפ"ו סק"ד). There is also a chiyuv to stop children from doing d'rabanan issurim (מ"ב סי' שמ"ג סק"ג).

Mother's Chiyuv in Her Children's Chinuch

1. Keeping mitzvos. Some poskim say a woman is not obligated in her children's chinuch (תוס' ישנים יומא דף פ"ה, מג"א סי' שמ"ג סק"א, מחצה"ש שם, שו"ע הרב סי"ד) [this is understandable according to the reason that chinuch is a Halacha I'Moshe miSinai only given to the father (see above, 8)]. Even if a woman is patur, she still fulfills a mitzva in her children's chinuch (מ"ב סי' תרט"ז סק"ה, מטה אפרים שם אלף למטה סק"ה).
2. However, most poskim hold a woman is also obligated in her children's chinuch for mitzvos (מחה"ש שם, מ"ב שם, מ"ב סי' תרט"ז סק"ה, סי תר"מ סק"ה, חקרי לב סי' ק"ח). A mother is certainly obligated in her children's chinuch if there is no father (א"ר סי' ת"ה אות ד', מ"ב שם סק"ה) ל"ע.
3. Yiras Shamayim. With respect to yiras Shamayim and matters of avodas Hashem and pure hashkafos, all agree the mother is also chayav in her children's chinuch, as the posuk says, "ואל תטוש תורת אמך" (חוט שני ח"ד פצ"ה סק"א). Some cite.

Chinuch of Daughters

1. Just as there is a mitzva of chinuch for sons, there is a chiyuv of chinuch for daughters in their mitzvos (רש"י פסחים דף פ"ח ע"א, מחה"ש סי' שמ"ג סק"ב, מ"ב שם סק"ב, משך חכמה שם).

Reason for the Mitzva of Chinuch

1. The reason for the mitzva of chinuch is to accustom children to kedusha and grant them habits of kedusha so that when they reach the age of mitzvos, they will be used to it and ready to fulfill them properly according to halacha (רש"י סוכה דף ב' ע"ב ד"ה מדרבנן, חגיגה דף ו' ע"א ד"ה קטן, ריטב"א מגילה דף י"ט ע"ב). Habits become second nature (מאירי חיבורר התשובה מאמר א' פ"ג) so there is a chiyuv to train both sons and daughters, each in the mitzvos commanded to them.

Principles in the Chiyuv of Chinuch and Preventing Issurim

Mitzvos Asei and Issurim

1. There are halachic differences between the mitzva to give a child chinuch in performing mitzvos asei and the halacha that one must stop a child from doing issurim. These halachos depend on multiple factors: 1. The child's stages of development and understanding of his actions; 2. How the issur is done: is the child doing it on his own and for himself or are adults actively providing the issur to the child? 3. The identity of the person: is the chiyuv to stop a child only on the parents or on everyone? Because of this, we will begin by defining some principles on the topic which will serve as a cornerstone for the various halachos we will discuss as we continue this series, focusing on things that apply on a daily basis.
2. According to his understanding. It should be noted that while we will discuss different ages, it is not the age that is the determinant but the discernment and development of the child. Nevertheless, we will mention ages applicable to the average child and his classification so that a person has something to compare to and by which to assess the level of each child.
3. Mitzvos asei. The age at which one must train a child to perform mitzvos asei is when the child understands what a mitzva is and how to perform it in practice, each mitzva according to its context. For the average simple, non-complex mitzva, it is around age six, depending on the level of discernment. A child this age is termed by the poskim as having reached the age of chinuch (יעב"ץ במגדל עוז תעלה ג', מ"ב סי' ע' סק"ו, סי' קכ"ח ס"ק קכ"ג, סי' רס"ט סק"א, תקנ"א בשעה"צ סקצ"א).

Stopping Him from Doing an Issur

1. Under three. A child who is not yet three years old does not understand things. Thus, if he does an issur—even an issur d'Oraisa—on his own for his own purposes, there is no chiyuv for even his father or mother to rebuke him or stop him, as he does not understand when told something is assur to do (או"ה הובא במג"א סי' שמ"ג, הגר"ז, ומ"ב שם, שו"ת אז נדברו ח"ו סי' נ"ז).
2. Over three. However, after three years old, children are considered to have understanding to a degree, in that they understand when told something is assur to do or eat because we are Yidden, and they are capable of following instructions. At that point, the halacha that the parents must rebuke them and stop them from doing issurim takes effect even though they have not reached chinuch age and still do not understand the reasons for issurim and the like. See below (36).

Issur to Actively Feed Forbidden Food

Issur to Feed ["איסור ספייה"]

1. Although the chiyuv of children's chinuch in performing mitzvos begins when a child reaches chinuch age [approximately six years old (above, 21)], and the chiyuv to stop a child from doing an issur begins when he understands the significance of someone teaching him it is assur to do something [approximately three years old (above, 23)], there is an issur d'Oraisa to feed or actively give issur to a baby or to have him do a forbidden action, even if he is one day old. This is paskened in Shulchan Aruch (או"ח סי' שמ"ג).

Source of the Issur

1. The Gemara learns this issur to feed from multiple pesukim in the Torah, e.g., in the context of insects "לא תאכלום" (ויקרא י"א, מ"ב) which Chazal darshen to mean, "Do not feed them" to children (גמ' יבמות דף קי"ד ע"א). Similarly, the pasuk says "כל נפש מכם לא תאכל דם" (ויקרא י"ז, י"ד) and Chazal darshen, "Do not feed it to children." Similarly, the pasuk says "אמור ואמרת" (ויקרא כ"א, א') to caution gedolim about the children, i.e., not to allow a child Kohen to become tamei meis.

Reason for the Issur

1. Not to create a habit. Some say the reason for the issur to actively feed assur food to a child is so that one does not accustom him to doing aveiros, which will lead him to want to do those aveiros even when he grows up (תרומת הדשן כתבים סי' ס"ב).
2. However, others hold it is a decree of the Torah without a known reason (חת"ס או"ח סי' פ"ג, שו"ת אחיעזר סי' פ"א).

For an Issur D'rabanan

1. Assur. Some say the issur to feed a child assur food applies even if it is only an issur d'rabanan (רמב"ם פי"ז מאכ"א הכ"ז, תוס' ר"ה דף ל"ג ע"א ד"ה תניא). The Shulchan Aruch seems to hold this way (סי' שמ"ג) as does the Shach (יו"ד סי' פ"א סקכ"א).
2. Mutar. Others say there is no issur to feed a child something assur d'rabanan if the child needs it, even if the child already reached the age of chinuch (רשב"א בשבת דף קכ"א ד"ה ש"מ, ר"ן יומא פ"ח, מג"א סי' ש"מ סק"ה, הגרע"א מהדו"ק סי' ט"ו, שו"ע הגר"ז שמ"ג ס"ז).
3. In practice. In principle, the poskim are machmir l'chatchila not to give even an issur d'rabanan to a child. However, if there is a great need or if it is for a mitzva purpose (רע"א שם) and for the child's needs, there is room to rely on the meikel opinions (ביאה"ל סי' שמג).

Stopping Him from Doing Issurim

Under Three, for His Own Purposes and Enjoyment

1. On his own. If a child eats forbidden food for his own enjoyment or does forbidden melacha on Shabbos for his own purposes, one is not obligated to rebuke and stop him if he does not have the capacity to understand, e.g., he is less than three. Even his father and mother do not need to stop him—even if it is an issur d'Oraisa—as he does not have understanding and he is acting for his own purposes and of his own accord (רמב"ם פי"ז מאכ"א הכ"ח, שו"ע או"ח סי' שמ"ג ומ"ב שם).
2. Putting it in his hand. However, there is an issur d'rabanan for a gadol to place something forbidden in his hand—even if he is just giving it to him to play with—out of concern the child will end up eating it; this is like actively feeding it to him (מ"ב סי' שמ"ג סק"ד).
3. Instructing him to eat. Similarly, it is assur to instruct the child to eat something forbidden or do forbidden melacha on Shabbos even without placing anything in his hands, as it is like feeding him (מ"ב סק"ד).
4. Giving permission. Sometimes a child under the age of three asks his father or mother for permission to eat or do something assur and will wait for them to give permission. Most poskim hold that giving permission does not involve the issur of feeding something assur since the child is the one initiating and doing the action and it is for himself (ריטב"א יבמות דף קי"ג, שו"ת נשמת שבת ח"ז סי' תע"ו).
5. Placing it in front of him. Placing something assur in front of a child without putting it into his hand, and similarly, putting in front of him something involving assur melacha on Shabbos without instructing him to do the melacha, is not considered the issur of feeding according to most poskim, so if the child acts on his own and for himself, there is no chiyuv to stop him (רשב"א יבמות דף קי"ג, מ"ב סי' תר"מ ק"ה ושעה"צ סק"ח, אג"מ יו"ד ח"ד סי' ט'). However, if it is clear to the gadol that the child will take the thing he puts in front of him, there is strong reason to say it is assur under the issue of feeding (שו"ת חת"ס או"ח סי' פ"ג).

Over Three, for Himself

1. If a child is above three and can understand when told he may not eat something or do assur melacha on Shabbos, even if he eats something assur or does assur melacha on his own and for himself, he must be stopped from doing the issur—by anyone if it is an issur d'Oraisa, and by his parents if it is only an issur d'rabanan (רמ"א סי' שמ"ג, חיי אדם, מ"ב סק"ז).

For an Adult

1. If a child does assur melacha on Shabbos for the benefit of a gadol, he must be stopped from doing the melacha (שו"ע או"ח סי' של"ד סכ"ה) even if he cannot understand and is less than three, and even if he was not asked to do it. Other people's chiyuv to stop him is a chiyuv d'rabanan, while his parents' chiyuv to stop him from doing melacha is d'Oraisa, as a father is commanded to ensure his children who are ketanim do not do melacha (שעה"צ סי' שמ"ג סקנ"ד, שו"ת חת"ס או"ח סי' פ"ג).

טמטום הלב

1. Assur food. It should be noted that according to some, even when there is no halachic chiyuv to stop a child from eating something assur, it is proper to prevent him from eating assur foods because these foods cause "timtum halev" [a negative spiritual effect] and cause the child to have a bad nature (מהרש"ל יבמות פי"ד ס"ז, ש"ך יו"ד סי' פ"א סקכ"ו). Because people are not so careful about this today, many children abandon the Torah path for a bad path, do not have yiras Shamayim, and do not accept rebuke or mussar (פר"ח סי' פ"א סקכ"ו).

Mitzva of Chinuch for Gadol Child

Only Ketanim

1. The mitzva of chinuch is only for ketanim, who do not have their own obligations. A gadol child, however, has already left his father's domain and has his own chiyuv to keep the mitzvos and issurim. Thus, the father is patur from the chiyuv of chinuch (נזיר כט: וברא"ש שם, ב"י וב"ח סוף סי' רצ"ז, פמ"ג או"ח סי' ל"ז א"א סק"ד).

Mussar

1. All this is only with respect to the chiyuvim of the mitzva of chinuch. However, a father still has a chiyuv to correct his son if he sees his son not acting properly. If a father does not object to his son, the father is punished. He is no worse than any other Jew, and Chazal say (גמ' שבת דף נ"ד ע"ב) that whoever has the ability to object to the members of his household and does not do so is held responsible for their aveiros (מ"ב סי' רכ"ה סק"ז). Whoever is not careful with his children and household members and does not caution them and constantly oversee their ways until he knows they are free of any aveiros is a sinner, as the pasuk says, "ופקדת נוך, ולא תחטא" (רמב"ם סוף הל' סוטה, שו"ע אבהע"ז סי' קע"ח סכ"א).