In the case of the wayward son, it is written, "He does not listen to the voice of his father and the voice of his mother." The Or HaChaim asks, with grammatical precision, why the verse uses the word “does not” in the form with two letters nun instead of the simpler form with just one letter nun. This phrase—“he does not listen”—actually appears twice: “He does not listen to the voice of his father and the voice of his mother" and "He does not listen to our voice." What is the difference between the two forms?
The Or HaChaim explains that the form with two nuns emphasizes that it is not just that he does not listen, but that the ability to hear has been removed from him. In his words, “the knowledge and ability to hear what is being said to him has been taken away.” He is simply incapable of listening. Based on his explanation, we can say that if the Torah had written the simpler form, the word would have been interpreted as a verb, but now that it says the form with two nuns, the word is interpreted as a noun—the child is not in the category of one who listens, as if it were saying that he is not wise.
To better explain his meaning, the Or HaChaim uses a parable:
Perhaps it is to hint that when a person crowns the evil inclination within themselves, the ability to understand and hear what is being said to them is removed, because the evil inclination stands at the doorway of the heart and prevents these things from reaching the soul. This is because they would compel the evil inclination to leave. I gave a parable about this: A king had gatekeepers who were thieves and bandits, and when people came to complain to the king about them, is it possible that these gatekeepers would grant them permission to enter and bring charges before the king? So too is this matter.
This is what it means when the verse says, “When a man has... he does not listen,” meaning he [the wayward son] is deprived of the capacity to listen, because the words do not reach him due to the barrier sitting between the two entrances of the heart, as the sages said.
1. Berachot 61a: Rav said: The evil inclination is like a fly and it sits between the two entrances of the heart.
THE PARENTS' RESPONSIBILITY
First, it says that he "does not listen" at all—he is entirely deprived of hearing, deaf on a deep, internal level. Then it adds, “to the voice of his father and the voice of his mother”—this is something additional. This implies that he has lost the ability to hear the voice of God, the spiritual Father, and the voice of Knesset Yisrael, the spiritual mother. And who caused this? The parents themselves, as it says, "He who spares the rod hates his son."
The main point here, in simple terms, is that the ones to blame in this story are the parents. The parents are the ones who deafen the child's inner ear. When they neglect to supervise and educate him, they turn him into someone who is deprived of the ability to listen. Once he is unable to listen, it naturally follows that he cannot hear their voices, because he simply does not have the capacity to hear at all.
2. Proverbs 13:24. See the Or HaChaim’s own words on Deuteronomy 21:18.
EDUCATION AND THE YOKE
This core idea here is captured in the word “hears”, which is a well-known acronym for “the yoke of the Kingdom of Heaven”. Without proper education to instill acceptance of this yoke, there is no hearing at all. The phrase "He who spares the rod hates his son" refers to the necessity of parental authority.
This ties back to what was mentioned earlier, that the recognition at the age of three involves acknowledging three authorities—this is the foundation of accepting the yoke of authority. Before the age of three, it's impossible to demand acceptance of this yoke, but at this point it is possible, and it depends on the parents.
Ultimately, all the responsibility lies with the parents, and this is especially evident in the child's ability to listen, which is the child's capacity for understanding and perception. We must avoid, God forbid, reaching a state of "he does not listen," which reflects a flaw in the acceptance of the yoke of Heaven. If there is a problem with the children, it is the parents who are to blame. Today, any therapist would likely agree with this. There is a snowball effect here, which the sages describe as “one mitzvah leads to another mitzvah,” or its opposite.
3. Avot 4:2.
