כִּי תִּהְיֶיןָ לְאִּישׁ שְׁתֵּי נָשִּׁים הָאַחַת אֲהוּבָה וְהָאַחַת שְנוּאָה וְיָלְדוּ לוֹ בָנִּים הָאֲהוּבָה וְהַשְ נוּאָה וְהָיָה הַבֵּן הַבְכֹר לַשְנִּיאָה: (כא:טו)
If a man will have two wives, one beloved and one hated, and they bear him sons, the beloved one and the hated one, and the firstborn son will be born to the hated one. (21:15)
The holy sefer ‘Ohr HaChaim’ learns from this posuk that the person who is shamed inherits a large portion of goodness. ‘And the firstborn son will be...’, the Torah says with certainty [meaning, this will truly be, since she was hated, Hashem will benefit her first], as it states (Bereishis 29:31) 'וירא ה' כי שנואה לאה' – ‘and Hashem saw that Leah was unloved’, that Hashem saw the broken heart to support them’.
From his holy words we can understand how hard it is to bear shame, as the famous words of Chazal (Berachos 5b), ‘HaKadosh Baruch Hu is not suspected of punishing without justice’, and if it should happen that a person finds himself I a situation of shame and disgrace, logically it is because of his various sins, and there is no wiggle room at all. Still, when a person suffers shame and is filled with embarrassment from being degraded, HaKadosh Baruch Hu cannot suffer his pain, and He wants to benefit him.
Similarly, we see in the Gemara (Chullin 60b) that the moon wanted to lessen the light of the sun and complained to HaKadosh Baruch Hu, ‘Is it possible for two kings to use the same crown?’ and it was required to diminish itself, and it became wretched because it was diminished. Even so, once it accepted its punishment, it was not pleasing before Heaven, and He wanted to comfort it with all sorts of consolation. When it was not appeased, HaKadosh Baruch hu said that as it were, He would ask for atonement, and the offering of the goat every Rosh Chodesh is to aske for atonement, as it were. Still, HaKadosh Baruch Hu was not satisfied, as brought in the Midrash (Bereishis Rabbah 6) that He added many hosts to increase its value and to appease it.
This is a great encouragement [chizuk] to those contenders who are brought to shame and disgrace. They must know that their humiliation breaks the skies, and their screams rise up to Heaven. Even if they are wicked, and the ones insulting them are righteous, Hashem wants to bring them close and wants to benefit them, as brought in the Midrash (Vayikra Rabbah, Emor, 27), ‘G-d will look after the persecuted – even if a tzaddik chases after a rasha.’
As we find by the wicked Balaam, that even when he greatly angered HaKadosh Baruch Hu when he went to curse Israel, since he suffered embarrassment, he merited and even saved himself from death. But when HaKadosh Baruch Hu stood an angel in his way to block him and then opened the mouth of his donkey who rebuked him, he endured great shame from this, and he told his donkey (Bamidbar 22:29), 'כי התעללת בי לו יש חר ב בידי כי עתה הרגתיך' – ‘Because you have mocked me, if there were a sword in my hand I would now have killed you!’ But then when the angel spoke to him, he said (v. 33) 'כי עתה גם אתכה הרגתי ואותה החייתי' – ‘I would now even have killed you and let her live!’ That is, by rights it would have been fit to do the opposite of what you wanted, for you are the one deserving of death, and see there in Rashi who brings the concluding words of the angel, ‘But now, because she spoke and rebukes you, and you were unable to stand up to her rebuke... therefore, I killed her, so that they should not say, “This is the one that dismissed Balaam with its rebuke and he was not able to respond.”’ Rashi concludes: ‘For the Omnipresent takes pity on people’s dignity.’
You learn from this posuk that were it not for the shame that Balaam suffered from the words of the donkey, he would have deserved to be put to death immediately for the effort he was exerting to curse Israel. It was the same from his donkey that atoned for his severe sin, and even saved him from death, for the difficult pain of shame can even act as a substitute for death, Therefore, once the sin was forgiven and he was then fit again for life, they had to kill his donkey, for as long as it was alive, it served as a witness to his degradation, and because of his shame his life was not worth living.
You learn from here how nice is the power of shame, that even an impure and uncouth person and whose whole intent was to go to battle with Hashem and bring an end to His merciful children, still, the shame protected him, and allowed him to continue his evil schemes, he would have been put to death.
It is told that the holy Maggid of Mezritch had a student named Dr. Aharon Gordon. In his time, he had the reputation of being the expert in all aspects of healing.
In his youth, that student threw off the yoke of Torah and mitzvos, but one day he happened to be by the holy Maggid – it was known that he suffered all his days from illness and pain – to be examined and find relief from his illness. The Maggid approached him and said, “You heal my body, and I will heal your soul [neshama].” From then on he became one of those who came to the Maggid’s home who returned him with Teshuva, he elevated in avodah, until in time he was included in the group of students of the holy Maggid.
As mentioned, Dr. Gordon was an expert doctor, and he had a hard time understanding Chazal (Kiddushin 82a), ‘the best of doctors go to Gehinnom’, and he asked his Rav, the Maggid, to explain it to him. The Maggid told him, “Every doctor when presented with a case where he is unsure how to proceed, goes to ask advice of a doctor greater than he is. This is not so with the best doctor since there is no one greater than he, and he is embarrassed to ask someone of lower stature than him. Therefore, he makes decisions based on his own view, and sometimes these are life and death situations, and has he lowered himself and sought advice from another, the outcome might have been better. Therefore, his place is Gehinnom.”
But when Dr. Gordon left, the students could be heard asking for the meaning that applied to them. “Rebbe” they asked, “that which you said applies to him, what is the explanation for us?”
The Maggid patiently explained, “Sometimes bodily pain needs various medicine to heal them, the same applies to the pain of the soul. Every sin causes pain to the soul, and it needs a certain remedy to heal it. Some pain requires fasting, and some require other agony, Rachmana litzlan. All these remedies do their job, but they affect the body, and the person is weak from them. There is one remedy that heals the soul but does not affect the body. This is ‘shame and disgrace’. The lowliness from the shame is excruciating for the soul of the person, but on the other hand, the person is healthy and complete.”
The Maggid concluded, “Just as the remedy is the best of remedies, so is the gesture of the best of the doctors, and so, his place is in Gehinnom...”
This must arouse joy in the hearts of the embarrassed ones, for eventually they will come to exceptional atonement.
