Problem at The Shul (Synagogue)
Rick wanted to get into the Shul [synagogue] In Gants Hill, London on Rosh Hashanah, but without a ticket they don't let you in. Rick pleads, 'Look, I just want to give a message to Morris in there.' The man at the door says, 'Sorry sir, you've got to have a ticket.' Rick replies, 'Just let me in for one minute, then I'll be right out.' 'Alright,' says the man at the door, 'but I better not catch you praying.'
The Jewish Vet
Rabbi Gamliel is out walking by Canoe Lake in Southsea, England early one morning and hears shouts of distress. He sees and hears Ruth, an elderly lady and one of his flock, calling for help and wringing her hands as her small dog has jumped into the water chasing a duck, and is now trapped in weeds and drowning. Heroically, Rabbi Gamliel wades into Canoe Lake and emerges, dripping, with the small dog. 'Oh thank you, thank you,' cries Ruth. 'Are you a vet?' 'A vet, a little vet?' responds Rabbi Gamliel, 'I am soaking.'
Who Deserves The Toy
Benjamin, father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his children together to ask which one should have the present. 'I am going to give this prize to whoever is the best boy in the house. Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?' Ben asked. Five small voices answered in unison, 'OK, Dad, you get the toy.'
Apple
There's an old rabbi who wants to try pork before he dies. But, being an Orthodox rabbi, he can't eat pork in his community, so he goes to a restaurant 50 miles away. On the menu is a dish called "Suckling Pig" so he orders it and they bring it out on a beautiful tray with an apple in its mouth. Just as he's about to take his first bite, in walks Goldberg, the president of his congregation. Goldberg says, "Rabbi, what are you doing? What are you eating?" The rabbi replies, "Goldberg, can you believe this restaurant? I order a baked apple and this is how they serve it to me!"
