Mrs. Goat: “Honey, we’re going to have a baby!”
Mr. Goat: “You’re kidding.”
The nurse told the parents of a newborn, “You have a cute baby.” The smiling husband said, “I bet you say that to all the new parents.” “No,” she replied. “Just to those whose babies really are good-looking.” The husband asked, “So, what do you say to the others?” The nurse replied, “The baby looks just like you.”
Hey Meir smarty pants, what do you call a group of baby garbage bins? A litter.
There was a dad who tried to keep his wife happy through labor by telling jokes, but she didn’t laugh once.
Know why? It was the delivery.
A couple is having a baby soon. After learning they’re having a boy, the husband says, “Let’s name him Pete!” But the wife says, “Honey, we’re having twins.” The husband replies, “Well, we can call the second one RePete.”
Levi and Mendel are sitting at a table together and there are two pieces of cake left, a big one and a little one. They sit there for a while and finally Levi takes the bigger piece of cake.
Mendel : That wasn’t very generous of you!
Levi : Why, which one would you have taken?
Mendel : I would have taken the smaller one, of course!
Levi i: Well then you got it.
A guy goes to see his psychiatrist. “Doctor, I had the weirdest dream. I was talking to my mother, but she had your face! I was so freaked out, I couldn’t get back to sleep. I tossed and turned all night. Finally, I got up at seven o’clock, made myself a slice of toast and some coffee, and then came right over here.
Doctor, what do you think the dream means?”
The doctor is quiet for a long moment and then she says, “A slice of toast and some coffee? You call that a breakfast?”
