A man came to a famous specialist. "So, who did you see before coming to me?" the doctor asked.
"My local general practitioner, Dr. Cohen," the man replied.
"Your GP?" scoffed the specialist. "What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort of useless advice did Cohen give you?"
"He told me to come and see you."
The man told his doctor that he couldn't do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
"Doctor, doctor, I think I am shrinking!"
"Well, you have to be a little patient."
I went to see the doctor about my short-term memory problem. The first thing he did was make me pay in advance.
A man walked into a doctor's office. He said to the doctor, “I've hurt my arm in several places.”
The doctor said, “Well, don't go there anymore.”
A guy walks into a bar, approaches the bartender, and asks, "Could I have a pint of Less, please?"
"I'm sorry, sir," the bartender replies, looking slightly puzzled, "I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?"
"I've no idea," replies the guy. "The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week, and he told me that I should drink less."
A man drank Coke with a long straw. His friend asked him, "Why do you drink Coke with such a long straw?"
He replied, "The doctor told me to stay away from Coke!"
A woman marched up to the receptionist at the doctor's clinic where she had her eye surgery the day before. "Someone stole my sheitel while I was having surgery yesterday," she complained angrily.
The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. "I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing," he said. "Why do you think it was taken here?"
"After the operation, I noticed the sheitel I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly."
"I think," explained the doctor gently, "that your cataract surgery was a resounding success."
"Doctor, doctor, I've swallowed the film from my camera."
"We'll just have to wait and see what develops."
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a clock."
"OK, just relax. There's no need to get yourself all wound up."
The doctor called Mrs. Cohen, saying, "Mrs. Cohen, I'm sorry to have to tell you, but your check came back."
Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
Whenever Mrs. Adler went to the doctor, she would complain about the long delays she always endured.
One day, after a long wait, her name was finally called, and she was asked to step on the scale. "I need to get your weight today, Mrs. Adler," said the nurse.
Without a moment's hesitation, she replied, "One hour and 45 minutes!"
Patient: Doctor, every time I drink tea, my eye hurts.
Doctor: Then take out the spoon.
Doctor: You've got diabetes, heart problems, and obesity.
Patient: Yeah, it runs in my family.
Doctor: No, it's because no one runs in your family.
I visited the doctor yesterday,
Doctor: You shouldn't eat anything fatty.
Me: So, no more burgers and chips?
Doctor: No, fatty. I said, you shouldn't eat anything!
What happens when doctors get frustrated?
They lose their patients.
Kosher and jewish jokes for the whole family Brought to you by Uncle Benjy, author of Laughter is the Best Medicine, available on Amazon
365 ROUTE 59, SUITE 23I AIRMONT, NY I0952
