Perhaps, the challenges you face can actually be reframed and seen as opportunities to reconnect with that part of you that you remember from the time when you got engaged, that authentic vision of yourself building a frum, “ruchniyusdig” home with a husband who shares those ideals. You may still experience difficulties, but remembering that part of growth is mesirus nefesh, being mevater in some areas in order to make more significant gains in others, will make it easier to confront them.
You describe a warm and deep connection with your husband, as well as the respect and admiration you have for him, and in truth, you have all the ingredients for a wonderful shalom bayis and a genuinely happy and ehrliche life. When you remind yourself that being connected to Hashem via struggle and effort is part of life, the way life is supposed to be, you will be’ezras Hashem find the strength and determination to look at your challenges in a different way and grow from them.
I believe that the day will come when all the efforts you invested and all the trappings of this world that you gave up will be your genuine source of satisfaction — and that you will be grateful at having been given the challenge and the opportunity to become your real self.
