Teshuvah m'Ahavah During Elul
We find that Moshe Rabeinu ascended to Shamayim three times, remaining there each time for forty days. The first time was immediately following Matan Torah which was on ז' סיון. He came down on Shivah Asar b'Tamuz when, upon witnessing the חטא העגל, he shattered the Luchos. He went up again the following day י"ח תמוז, and descended on כ"ט אב. Finally, he ascended on Rosh Chodesh Elul and remained on High until יום כיפור, when the Yidden merited full atonement for the Cheit ho'Egel.
Chazal tell us that during the first set of forty days, (which were immediately after Matan Torah), Hashem was in a state of appeasement. Likewise, during the last set of forty days, (which ended on יום כיפור) Hashem was also appeased by Klal Yisrael and forgave them willingly. During the second set of forty days, though, Hashem was still angry at Klal Yisrael for having worshipped the Egel (רש"י דברים ט', י"ח). In other words, while Hashem had already forgiven the Yidden before Rosh Chodesh Elul, He was still in a state of fury due to the חטא העגל. On Yon Kippur, however, Hashem pardoned the Yidden b'Simchah [more willingly, so to speak]. Based on this, it is said in the name of tzaddikim, that the Avodah of חודש אלול, which leads up to Yom Kippur, is to merit being forgiven with Simchah. Thus, during the month of Elul, one is more likely to reach the greater level of Teshuvah which is תשובה מאהבה, doing Teshuvah out of one's love for Hashem.
The great advantage of this, as Chazal tell us, is that זדונות נעשין לו כזכויות, the sins which were committed deliberately are transformed into merits, as though the person had performed Mitzvos (יומא דף פ"ו עמוד ב').
At first glance, it seems strange that a sin which was committed with the intention of going against the Torah, should be converted to positive deeds. How is that possible? One explanation given is as follows. As we know, each מצוה we do creates a Malach - an angel. Through a מצות עשה - a positive Commandment - we create a good Malach. Conversely, from an Aveirah, an 'evil' Malach is formed. Thus, when one does תשובה מאהבה, the Malach created through that particular sin is transformed into a 'good' one. Thus, the Aveirah, although it may have been done with malicious intent, is considered like a Mitzvah since the angel created by it, is now a good one.
I Am to my Loved One
It should be noted, though, that Rav Meir of Apta zy"a, writes that in order to attain the madreigah of Teshuvah m'Ahavah, one must first do Teshuvah mi'Yirah. Only once he has repented out of Fear, will he merit to do Teshuvah me'Ahavah, as reward from Above (אור לשמים פרשת שלח).
With this idea in mind, we could perhaps explain another insight. One of the well known רמזים given for Elul, is the pasuk in Shir Hashirim "אני לדודי ודודי לי", I am to my loved One and my loved One is to me (שיר השירים ו', ג'). Based on the above, we could very well understand why Elul is hinted specifically in this pasuk. In this pasuk כנסת ישראל declares its allegiance to Hashem, expressing its love and commitment to Him. Thus, it is indeed this particular pasuk within which אלול is hinted, since, as explained earlier, it too is a time of love and closeness to Hashem.
The great tzaddik Rav Yisrael of Ruzhin zy"a (founder and patriarch of the Ruzhiner dynasty), offered his own novel roshei teivos of the word אלול. It alludes to five fundamental ideals in Avodas Hashem, both in one's attitude bein adam l'Makom[-between man and Hashem-], and in dealings of man with his fellow people.
The first letter, Tav (ת) refers to "תמים תהיה עם ה' אלוקיך", you shall be wholehearted with Hashem your G-d (דברים י"ח, י"ג). This is the commandment of relying totally on Hashem [refer to last week's issue for a lengthy discussion on this subject]. The following letter, Shin (ש) is for "שויתי ה' לנגדי תמיד" (תהלים ט"ז, ח'). Next, the Vav (ו) indicates the Mitzvah of "ואהבת לרעך כמוך", love your fellow Jew as yourself (ויקרא י"ט, י"ח). The Beis (ב) represents "בכל דרכיך דעהו", You shall know Him in all your endeavors (משלי ג', ו'). This means having an intention of l'shem Shamayim [for the sake of Heaven] in all we do. And finally, the letter Hei (ה) signifies "הצנע לכת עם אלוקיך", serve Hashem your G-d with modesty (מיכה ו', ח'). This too is in line with the discussion above, since it also emphasizes the vital importance of living with a conscience of closeness to Hashem.
May we all merit to do a proper Teshuvah, and with Hashem's assistance, even achieve some level of Teshuvah m'Ahavah.
גוט שבת