The Ben Yehoyada explains that R' Elazar ben Durdaya placed his head between his knees as a sign that he wanted to completely purify himself from all sins he had committed, so that through this Teshuva he would be clean and pure from any sin and transgression, as he was when he was in his mother's womb, where his head was placed between his knees.
Rabbotai, Rabbi Elazar ben Durdaya merited that the Gemara speaks about him and describes what, when, and how he acted – and seemingly, this is puzzling. There is no shortage of Ba’alei Teshuva who committed even greater sins, such as King Menashe, who murdered a thousand people in one day and placed an idol with four faces in the Beit Hamikdash! Unlike him, Rabbi Elazar ben Durdaya sinned by himself. He did not cause others to sin through his actions.
Another example can be found in R' Shimon ben Lakish, who became a Tanna! The Midrash says (Pirkei DeRabbi Eliezer, 43) we should see the power of Teshuva from Rabbi Shimon ben Lakish. He and his companions would accost and rob all travelers they encountered, but Resh Lakish then abandoned them, returned to Hakadosh Baruch Hu through fasting, Tefillah, Torah, and Tzedakah; never reverting to his sins. His Teshuva was accepted. On the day he died, his two former partners died as well, and were punished in Gehenom, while he was granted a share in eternal life. They protested before Hakadosh Baruch Hu that it was unfair, but He answered: “He repented in his lifetime, and you did not. Teshuvah is accepted only until death.”
If so, why does the Gemara go out of its way to describe R' Elazar ben Durdaya in such detail? R’ Chaim Friedlander writes in Siftei Chaim, we are commanded in the Torah: בְּכָל לְבָבְךָ לֹא הֶיך-וְאָהַבְתָּ אֵת ה' אֱ. The heart is the center of the body's vitality, and the source of all desires and passions, and a person is obligated to transfer the desires of the body to desire Hakadosh Baruch Hu.
וּבְכׇל־נַפְשְׁךָ means with self-sacrifice, and וּבְכׇל־מְאֹדֶךָ signifies to give all your wealth towards those ends. Rav Friedlander then brings in the words of the Maharal.
The Maharal explains that Elazar ben Durdaya, l’havdil, was so devoted to this sin that he gave his body, soul, and wealth for it. He traveled a long way to the far reaches of the sea, willing to endure the journey's hardship which breaks the entire body – thus, he toiled with all the heart and body, the opposite of בְּכׇל־לְבָבְךָ. He also risked his life to cross seven rivers with all their obstacles – thus, וּבְכׇל־נַפְשְׁךָ. And he also spent a large sum of money to fulfill his desire – thus, against the commandment of וּבְכׇל־מְאֹדֶךָ. He was entirely in the domain of sin without reservation.
The Maharal explains further: His name – אֶלְעָזָר בֶּן דּוּרְדְּיָא – indicates his essence. דּוּרְדְּיָא in Aramaic means wine dregs, which are even worse than vinegar which still has some use. These are the absolute waste produced by wine. When he sinned physically through immorality, he was called בֶּן דּוּרְדְּיָא, as he was entirely waste. Yet, אֶלְעָזָר – G-d helped! – for he was prepared for Teshuva. There was still a spark of holiness within him, making him a vessel for divine assistance, and thus he indeed merited divine help. At the time of the act, the sin itself caused him to repent – the Teshuva was caused by the downfall because when he was completely corrupted, Teshuva came to him so that he would not be lost. Despite the great downfall of such a sinner, there is abundant divine mercy to awaken his heart so that he not to cross a certain boundary. This is due to the promise made by Hakadosh Baruch Hu: ֹתָם לֹא־מְאַסְתִּים וְלֹא־גְעַלְתִּים לְכַל – I have not rejected them nor abhorred them to destroy them.
Rav Friedlander quotes his rebbe, Rav Eliyahu Dessler (Michtav Me'Eliyahu I, 233) that this promise is not only about the physical existence of Bnei Yisrael but mainly about their spiritual existence. This is the covenant Hakadosh Baruch Hu made with the Avot – that there would be a limit to the downfall, and when reaching a certain point, Heaven would awaken his heart. Through this divine assistance, one can repent and be rebuilt. But since free choice is not taken from a person, he has the possibility, chas v’shalom, to sever the last spark and lose his soul.
Rabbi Elazar ben Durdaya reached the lowest level – only the remnants of that spark remained in him, and he reached the edge of the boundary. Then, Heaven sent him one last opportunity, an awakening to repentance – “See, you have reached the final boundary; if you cross it, you uproot even the last spark from yourself, and nothing will remain of you.” Thus, the lowest level was the trigger for repentance, preventing him from falling further! From the very mouth of the prostitute came the awakening, even though she told him he had already crossed the final boundary and could no longer return, he understood that now was the very last opportunity, and if he did not repent now, he would never be able to return through Teshuva again.
In the memorial book for Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz ztz”l, it is recounted that in one of his sichot on Erev Yom Kippur, Rav Shmuelevitz mentioned that he went to daven at the graves of the tzadikim, but felt his Tefillah was not answered. On his return from the grave of the Ohr HaChaim Hakadosh, he passed by the monument יַד אֲבְשָׁלוֹם – the monument erected by Avshalom, son of David HaMelech, as stated: כִּי אָמַר ... אֵין לִי בֵן בַּעֲבוּר הַזְכִּיר שְׁמִי וַיִּקְרָא לַמַּצֵּבֶת עַל שְׁמוֹ וַיִּקְרָא לָהּ יַד אַבְשָׁלוֹם עַד הַיּוֹם הַזֶּה׃ Avshalom had taken and built for himself a monument during his lifetime, which is in the king's valley because he said, "I have no son, this will memorialize my name." He named the monument after himself calling it, "the place of Avshalom." It remains until today.
Avshalom and the Power of Forgiveness
Avshalom was the son David HaMelech – from a beautiful captive woman – who sought to kill his father. David HaMelech was forced to flee and even composed a Psalm about it: מִזְמוֹר לְדָוִד בְּבָרְחוֹ מִפְּנֵי אַבְשָׁלוֹם בְּנוֹ. David HaMelech, the Melech HaMashiach, was forced to hide in caves because his son was chasing him! Avshalom had long hair, and one day, one of David's friends came to inform him that his son Avshalom was caught by his hair – his head detached from his body, and he died. Any other father in the same situation might have immediately said שֶׁפְּטָרַנִי מֵעָנְשׁוֹ שֶׁל זֶה בָּרוּךְ, but what did David HaMelech say?
וַיִּרְגַּז הַמֶּלֶךְ וַיַּעַל עַל־עֲלִיַּת הַשַּׁעַר וַיֵּבְךְּ וְכֹה אָמַר בְּלֶכְתּוֹ בְּנִי אַבְשָׁלוֹם בְּנִי בְנִי אַבְשָׁלוֹם מִי־יִתֵּן מוּתִי אֲנִי תַּחְתֶּיךָ אַבְשָׁלוֹם בְּנִי בְנִי׃ ... וְהַמֶּלֶךְ לָאַט אֶת־פָּנָיו וַיִּזְעַק הַמֶּלֶךְ קוֹל גָּדוֹל בְּנִי אַבְשָׁלוֹם אַבְשָׁלוֹם בְּנִי בְנִי׃
The king began to tremble and went up to the room over the gate and wept. And this is what he said as he went, "My son Avshalom. My son, my son Avshalom. If only I had died instead of you. Avshalom my son, my son. ... The king covered his face and the king cried out loudly, "My son Avshalom, Avshalom my son, my son."
Instead of blessing Hakadosh Baruch Hu for his salvation, David Hamelech says בְּנִי בְנִי eight times! And why? The Gemara (Sotah 10b) explains that seven times were to raise Avshalom from the seven levels of Gehennom, and the additional eighth time was either to bring his head closer to his body or to bring him to Olam Haba.
In his talk, and as described by Rav Reuven Grossman in Moach VaLev, Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz stood silently for a long time next to this monument of Avshalom, contemplating it thoughtfully. To the astonishment of his companions, he suddenly appeared to be davening. His companions looked at him and asked, “What is there to daven for at this monument?! Avshalom was a corrupt man, a murderer, a pursuer, a transgressor! His father had to raise him seven levels to rescue him from Gehennom!” At that point, Rav Shmuelevitz told them what he davened, and how it was effective: “Ribbono Shel Olam, when a person says to his friend 'I forgive,' it is merely words. Only a father, when he says 'I forgive,' his forgiveness is true forgiveness. See David HaMelech, how much he was pursued by his wayward son and how much pain he suffered because of him, and yet, as a father, he forgave. Ribbono Shel Olam, You are a Father and Your forgiveness is true forgiveness, please, say 'I forgive'”
Free Will and Taking Responsibility
The Ye’arot Devash says that Rabbi Elazar ben Durdaya wanted to remove from himself the responsibility for his sins and blame his environment. He said, "Mountains and hills, ask for mercy for me." Meaning, they are the cause of his sins, therefore they should ask for mercy for him. They replied that he is mistaken, for they cannot awaken a person to nullify the words of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. On the contrary, the word of Hakadosh Baruch Hu will stand and they will pass, as it is written כִּי הֶהָרִים יָמוּשׁוּ – For the mountains shall depart.
Afterward, he thought that the sin is due to the abundance of heaven and earth, which are opposing and contradictory things, and when they act in unequal ways, they will also produce an inappropriate thing (for things that do not agree will produce something unacceptable to the good). So, he blamed them for the sin and rebellion as if it was intertwined in his nature, and they also said it is impossible to nullify the word of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, for they will pass into chaos, as it is written כִּי־שָׁמַיִם כֶּעָשָׁן נִמְלָחוּ – For the heavens shall vanish away like smoke... and the word of G-d will stand. Even if they act in an unblended natural way, nevertheless they cannot produce a rebellious and wayward son against the word of Hakadosh Baruch Hu which is higher than them.
Afterward, it was suggested that a person's fate is determined by their astrological sign, with some born under a sign destined to be righteous and pious, while others are born under a sign that leads to immorality and wickedness. As decreed by their sign, so shall they be, for who can contend with the stars of the heavens? Therefore, it was judged that the sun and moon are causes of sin, as they create beings with a nature inclined to sin through desire and rebellion. Yet, even they responded that they cannot annul the decree of Hakadosh Baruch Hu and His commandments, stating that they too will be nullified by the word of Hashem, as it is written וְחָפְרָה הַלְבָנָה וּבוֹשָׁה הַחַמָּה – Then the moon shall be confounded and the sun ashamed.
Then it was considered that perhaps the decree comes from the twelve constellations, for according to a person's birth under their influence and gaze, as they incline towards the earth, so shall the person be, whether for good or bad. As the astrologers have said, they are the ones who give a person the will and choice, whether for good to pursue wisdom and discipline, or for evil to pursue desire and the excesses of lust. Therefore, the matter of the sins was attributed to them, but they too answered that their power is insufficient to annul the commandments of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, for they will pass and be gone.
The Ye’arot Devash brings it all together and presents a powerful yesod. A person is endowed with בְּחִירָה חָפְשִׁית – free will or free choice, from Hakadosh Baruch Hu at birth, and nothing in the world can prevent them from doing good or evil, for this is decreed by the wisdom of the Boreh Olam, to give a person the choice without any hindrance from any of His creations, whether great or small. A person should not rely on falsehood to say that they are the cause of their downfall. For one alone is strong enough to choose the path they desire, whether the path of good or not to disdain evil, for Hakadosh Baruch Hu has placed before them two paths, and nothing prevents or compels them at all. Therefore, R’ Elazar ben Durdaya realized that the matter depends only on him, and he is the one rebelling against the commandments of Hakadosh Baruch Hu without reason or compulsion. Thus, he placed his head between his knees and cried until his soul departed, and a heavenly voice proclaimed that he is prepared and ready for life in Olam Haba.
We learn that a person should not blame anyone else for their sins, but only themselves. Rav Chaim Friedlander presents a wonderful yesod: Elazar ben Durdaya understood that to gain the merit of existence, he could not rely on mountains or hills, the sun or the stars, etc. The matter depends solely on him – they awakened him from the heavens, so surely there is another way. As long as he attributed his potential for rectification to external causes, he was not yet ready for true Teshuva.
I heard from a great person who learned a wonderful insight from the story of Elazar ben Durdaya, which is a great yesod in the human psyche. A person's nature, when dissatisfied with their spiritual state, is to quiet their conscience and attribute the matter to various reasons. "If I had a good friend, a good study partner, a good neighbor, etc., I would learn better," but these are merely excuses. Such a state is very dangerous because one loses all motivation for self-change, as they believe their spiritual state depends on factors beyond their control. It is merely self-delusion that salvation will come from elsewhere, and this is one of the ways of the Yetzer Hara to calm a person by convincing them that the matter does not depend on them, and they themselves cannot do anything about it.
Indeed, a person's true salvation is when they reach the realization that the matter depends only them; then they will see that all excuses are false excuses, and before Hakadosh Baruch Hu, they cannot make any such claims.
One should not say "If only I had" – such thoughts only paralyze a person and hinder their ascent. From the heavens, they only ask each person to serve Hakadosh Baruch Hu with the tools they have, but, to utilize all the tools they have. It is told of Rav Naftali Amsterdam ztz”l who said to his teacher, the Gaon Rav Yisrael Salanter ztz”l: "If I had the head of the Sha’agat Aryeh, the heart of the author of Yesod V'Shoresh HaAvodah, and the good traits of our master, then I could serve Hashem." The Gaon replied: "Naftali! You, with your head, with your heart, and with your traits, be Rabbi Naftali; you can truly serve Hashem!" In the place where one sits and learns, with his talents, and with all his difficulties (and they are many), he is required to make the utmost effort possible. When a person reaches the genuine realization that אֵין הַדָּבָר תָּלוּי אֶלָא בִּי – The matter depends solely on me." Only then does the door to their ascent open.
When Elazar ben Durdaya initially made all the calculations and sought salvation in various ways, he did not return, but when he reached the realization that the matter depends only on him, he achieved complete Teshuva. He received divine assistance and knew how to utilize it to rise in one hour from the depths of his sins to become a complete Ba’al Teshuva.
If so, we learn that Teshuva depends on the person themselves, and one should not attribute the matter to others. Another example of this is found with Adam HaRishon. After he sinned and ate from the Eitz HaDa’at, Hakadosh Baruch Hu asked him: הֲמִן הָעֵץ אֲשֶׁר צִוִּיתִיךָ לְבִלְתִּי אֲכָל מִמֶּנּוּ אָכָלְתָּ – Did you eat of the tree from which I had forbidden you to eat? How did he answer? הָאִשָּׁה אֲשֶׁר נָתַתָּה עִמָּדִי הִוא נָתְנָה לִי מִן הָעֵץ וָאֹכֵל – The woman You put at my side, she gave me of the tree, and I ate. The moment he did not take responsibility for the sin and blamed his wife, his opportunity for Teshuva vanished!
The same with Cain and Hevel. After Cain killed his brother, the Midrash (Tanchuma Bereshit 9:5) details the dialogue: Hakadosh Baruch Hu asked Cain, “Where is Hevel, your brother?” He answered: “I do not know – am I my brother’s keeper? You are the Guardian of all, yet You ask me about him?” The Midrash compares this to a thief who steals at night and is not caught in the act. In the morning, the guard seizes him and asks, “Why did you steal those utensils?” The thief replies, “I am a thief, and I acted according to my trade – but you are the guard! Why did you neglect your duty? And now you question me?!” So too, Cain said, “Yes, I killed him. But it was You who placed the Yetzer Hara within me. Since You are the Protector of all, why did You allow me to kill him? If You had accepted my sacrifice as You did his, I would not have grown envious!”
Rav Chaim Friedlander explains what happened after Rabbi Elazar ben Durdaya accepted responsibility. A heavenly voice declared: “Rabbi Elazar ben Durdaya is prepared for life in Olam Haba.” He then wept, saying: “Some acquire their world over many years, and some acquire their world in one hour.” Why did he cry? Not out of envy – that others toil for years while he attained his world in a moment – but out of self-reproach. He recognized the immense power of Teshuva, and what can be achieved in even one hour when a person seizes the divine help offered. If such a wicked man could rise in an instant from the depths of sin to be called “Rabbi,” how much more so for us – if we dedicate not just an hour, but days, months, and years, how far could we reach! And why have we squandered so much time? In Olam Haba, they will show us what might have been accomplished in even one hour and will hold us accountable. This is why Rabbi Elazar ben Durdaya cried: for the wasted opportunities, for failing to make use of the vast divine assistance that Hakadosh Baruch Hu grants to each of us.
Each year, Hakadosh Baruch Hu gives us 960 hours from Rosh Chodesh Elul until Yom Kippur, so that we can take responsibility for our actions and return to Him through Teshuva! Don't blame others – not your spouse, not your friends, not your job, not your environment, not anyone else. Take responsibility for your actions and say: "It depends only on me!" This is what the Torah tells us at the beginning of our Parsha: כִּי תֵצֵא לַמִּלְחָמָה עַל אֹיְבֶיךָ – When you go out to war against your enemies. Yes, it is very difficult to overcome the Yetzer Hara! But if you take responsibility for your actions, you will naturally merit: וּנְתָנוֹ ה' אֱלֹהֶיךָ בְּיָדֶךָ וְשָׁבִיתָ שִׁבְיוֹ – And Hashem, your G-d, will deliver him into your hand, and you will capture prisoners from him!
If we know how to take responsibility for our actions, Hakadosh Baruch Hu will grant us complete Teshuva, and we will merit the complete Geula, speedily in our days, Amen and Amen!
