As the Days of Awe proceed and Yom Kippur looms ahead, many of us begin to feel the pressure. The Shofar blast that closes Ne’ilah is near, and the question grows louder in our minds: “Have I really changed this year? Have I truly prepared?”
There’s no shortage of resources to guide us, including classic sefarim, insightful shiurim, hands-on workshops, and inspiring emails. But for those who come in during the final stretch and ask, “Can you tell me in simple, practical steps how to change?” here it is.
Step 1: Choose a Character Trait.
The Rambam writes that repentance is not just relegated to actions, such as immorality or theft. It likewise includes our character (Hilchos Teshuva 7:3). So ask yourself honestly: what trait do I need to refine this year? Is it anger? Impatience? Jealousy? Write it down. Let’s use this example for the time being: impatience.
Step 2: Identify Your Test.
Now describe the situation where this trait most often shows up. Start with the word “When...” Example: When my spouse asks me to repeat something I’ve already said, I grow impatient. This becomes your personal test for the year. It becomes your avodah.
Step 3: Define the Ideal Response.
Next, write out how you would respond when you’re at your best. Make it measurable. Example: I’ll take a deep breath and repeat myself without frustration. This becomes your concrete commitment for the year.
Step 4: Write Your Inner Script.
Jot down the thoughts that will help you succeed in the moment. These are mindset cues or your personal mantras. Example: “Just because I said it doesn’t mean they heard it.” Or, “My spouse deserves my patience.” It doesn’t need to be poetic. It just needs to work for you.
Step 5: Make It a Conversation with Hashem.
At the top of your page, write a short note to Hashem. Tell Him why you chose this trait, why it hurts that you’ve fallen short in this area, and why this specific growth will help you come closer to Him. Then sign it at the bottom. Make it personal.
Step 6: Make It Visible.
Tape this page to the side of your night table, so it’s the first thing you see each morning. Worried someone will read it? Find a way to encode your thoughts, or use handwriting that is uniquely legible to you. Track your progress each day or night. Create a system that is simple, consistent, and yours. This becomes your Success Card.
And when the year is over, take that card, tuck it into your machzor, and show Hashem what you’ve done. If you’ve followed these steps with sincerity, you’ll have made real progress. It will not be perfect, but it will be full of effort and heart.
Then tell Hashem, “This helped me come closer to You. I’m ready for my next challenge.” Because that is what this season is really about. Not perfection, but progression; not guilt, but growth.
And that is the simple, practical way you can identify and implement real change for your upcoming year.
