Tiny Steps – The Giant Leap of Teshuva
At last the mishkan was complete and the days of the inauguration began. Hashem commanded Moshe Rabeinu about the korbanos that were to be brought during these seven days, and one sacrifice was the "par chatas"- a sin-offering for atonement. The question is, what was this atonement for? What did K'lal Yisroel do wrong? Says Rashi – perhaps someone donated something that was stolen; that's why we need to bring this korban chatas.
We all know that if a person steals, teshuvah doesn't help until he returns the stolen goods. So, if this korban is coming to atone for stealing, how can atonements be obtained if the stolen goods weren't returned? Also, are we really suspecting klal Yisroel of stealing and donating stolen materials for the mishkan? It wasn't an obligation to donate; it was optional. Also, these people were all rich because they just came out of Mitzrayim with all the spoils and riches from the Egyptians. So, why would they steal?
The Imrei Emes is brought down in Sefer Mishchas Shemen that Rashi is not talking about real stealing. Rather, the concern is that some may have donated to the mishkan when they really didn't want to donate. They were upset to give it; it was hard for them to depart from their money. This is a type of gezel. Giving away something against your will is a tinge of stealing. Maybe because of the peer pressure they ended up donating for the mishkan, but their heart wasn't in it.
Now, why would it help to bring a korban for stealing? The Chovos Halevovos in Shaarei Teshuva Perek 10 says that if someone took what doesn't belong to him and he doesn't remember from whom he took it, what should he do? He should do proper teshuvah – confess, regret with all his heart and accept that he will never do it again. Then Hashem will put the thought into the person that you stole from to forgive you, and that will be your kapara.
Rav Chaim Kaufman in Mishchas Shemen says that over here, too, Hashem will put wisdom into the people who were stingy, who donated unwillingly to the mishkan. Says Hashem: Bring a korban chatas and that will put into your brain the thought that "maybe I should have given to the mishkan with a pure heart, I was stingy, I was only thinking about myself..." That is teshuva, and so whatever they didn't want to donate became as if they did want to donate it and there was no gezel anymore.
We see from here that all a person has to do is to try his best and Hashem will do the rest. How many times do we want to do a mitzvah but it's difficult and we worry how are we going to get there. In truth, though, all you have to do is try, bring the korban, and Hashem will transform your thoughts. This concept is true in all areas of life. You have to put in the effort and Hashem will walk you to success.
Someone once came to a gadol and said, "I can't stop smoking on Shabbos. What should I do?" The gadol told him, "If chas v'shalom you have to smoke, at least don't extinguish the cigarette. Save yourself at least that melacha". It wasn't even a few weeks later that this man completely stopped smoking on Shabbos. How did it happen? He was addicted! But because he tried his best to do what he could, Hashem enabled him to succeed all the way. This is what the torah is teaching us. Take little steps.
Rav Shimshon Ostropoli says over the gemora that "gedola teshuva shemagaas ad kisay hakavod" – teshuva is great that it reaches all the way to the throne of glory. He says a remez - take the letters of kisay hakavod and do like "na, nach,Nachma Nachman meuman". First kaf, then kaf samech, kaf samech aleph, kaf samech aleph heh, kaf samech aleph heh kaf, kaf samech aleph heh kaf vais, kaf samech aleph heh kaf vais vav, kaf samech aleph heh kaf vais vav daled. All that is gematria 713, which is the same numerical value as the world "teshuva". What does this all mean?
Says the Mishnas Yosef – the way to do teshuva is only by taking small steps. You cannot get to the kisay hakavod by taking one huge jump. You need to take small steps. Ki, kisay, kisay ha, kisay hak, kisay haka, kisay hakov, kisay hakavod. That is the only way to get to the kisay hakavod. Take only one or two kabalos at a time.
The days of teshuva are compared to a mikva. If someone throws you into a mikva, automatically you become pure. So too, by passing through these holy days of the yomim noraim, we will become purified. There is a gematria from the Bnei Yissoschar. In order for a mikva to be kosher it has to have 40 sa'ah and there are 24 lugin in one sa'ah. 24 times 40=960 lugin. What is the significance of 960? If you have a meat dish and a mouse falls into it, usually if there are 60 times of kosher versus the non-kosher, then the non-kosher is considered null and void. However, by a "berya"- a complete creature - it doesn't become null and void ever, even if you have 1000 times versus it. So says the Bavli. However, the Yerushalmi says that if you have 960 times versus it, the heter can be mevatel the issur.
We are a "berya" and there 960 hours from Rosh Chodesh Elul until after Yom Kippur. So we are going through the mikva of these holy days. The gematria of Tishrei with nekudos is 960. Tishrei is 910. Under a tav is a chirik; that's a yud – 10. Under shin is sheva – 2 dots; that's 20. Reish is tzeirei - 2 dots = 20. That is 50. 910 + 50 = 960!
Rav Pam would say over from the son of the Kovna Rav the mishna in Yuma – Rav Akiva would say "How fortunate are you, Yisroel... just as a mikva purifies the impure, so too Hashem purifies Yisroel..." And he brings 2 pesukim: "Mikva Yisroel Hashem" and "V'zarakti..."- I will sprinkle on you the purifying waters. Why do we need 2 pesukim?
There are 2 kinds of purifications corresponding to 2 types of teshuva. If you go into a mikve, you are only tahor if you immerse yourself totally in the waters. If there is any chatziza at all, you are not tahor, even if only one hair is sticking out. When it comes to immersing in a mikve, it's all or nothing. That's a teshuva sheleima - a complete teshuva. Then there is the purifications of the para aduma. If one sprinkles the water of para aduma on you and only a drop of water touches you, you are tahor.
These correspond to 2 kinds of teshuva. The first kind of teshuva is where one says, "This year I will totally change. I will not waste a second from now on. I will never speak lashon hara. I will not come late to shul ever from now on..." That's a teshuva sheleima, a complete repentance, but it's not realistic. Then there is another kind of teshuva, it's not a teshuva sheleima but it is recognized. That is, you take one area in life and purify it. For example, "from now on, once a week I will make sure to have kavana by bentching". Once a person touches the purifying waters of teshuva, he will gain a certain level of purity. We have to take one small step. Rav Shach once told someone to be mekabel to say one bracha of bentching from a siddur - because that is realistic. We need to take upon us a kabala that is realistic and can last.
The yetzer hara says to do everything at once because he knows it's not going to last. The Chofetz Chaim was very excited when he heard about the invention about elevators, that you push 1 button and it takes you all the way up. So too, by avodas Hashem we only have to take one step and Hashem takes us all the way up. That's also the significance of shofar - you blow into a small hole and the blast comes out from the wide hole. We have to make little changes, just a tiny hole, and Hashem widens it for us. May we be zoche to purify ourselves during these awesome days and achieve a lasting teshuva.
