Question: For years I have struggled with guilt, always feeling bad. When I make a mistake, it takes me a long time to let go of the guilt and remorse. Maybe it’s good to feel this way—perhaps it helps me avoid repeating the same mistake? Or maybe that’s just what I tell myself, since it’s hard to change my ways.
Answer: There is an urban legend about a U.S. Navy battleship traveling on the high seas. It spotted a light in the distance and, assuming it was another vessel, ordered it to move aside. The reply came back, requesting the battleship to change course. Annoyed, the captain repeated the command with greater force: the smaller vessel must move. The answer: “We are a lighthouse. YOU must change course—or crash into the rocks.”
We all have our own “lighthouses.” Without realizing it, we keep crashing into the rocks. Take, for example, a man who opens a restaurant serving the food he enjoys. Customers are scarce, but he assumes: “If it tastes good to me, it tastes good to everyone.” His mistaken belief is his lighthouse. When we encounter such a lighthouse, we must change course.
The Tzemach Tzedek teaches: “Chassidus brings light and illumination into everything, shedding light even on the undesirable—to become aware of one’s own baseness exactly as it is, in order to correct it.” (HaYom Yom)
Mistakes are normal. Awareness of them is healthy. A bit of regret is constructive, guiding us to grow. But to be stuck in guilt is harmful. The key is to correct what needs fixing and proceed with energy and optimism.
A helpful technique: when guilt arises, ask yourself two questions—What can I learn from this mistake? and What small, positive action can I take right now to correct or grow from it? Once you’ve answered and acted, you’ve turned the mistake into growth. At that moment, remind yourself: “I’ve changed course. Now I can let go.” This practice transforms guilt into progress and frees you to move forward with strength and joy.
Every situation is divinely orchestrated for our growth. Mistakes, too, can become springboards for progress. Shift your perspective: see mistakes as opportunities for development. Permit yourself to leave the guilt behind. With determination, you will succeed.
Aharon Schmidt, marriage & individual counseling: www.aharonschmidt.com.
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