Bein adam la’chaveiro is a cornerstone of shalom bayis. By practicing bein adam la’chaveiro regarding one's real "friend", his spouse, he brings Shechinah into his home. When each spouse cares for the other this brings down Hashem's berachah and the Shechinah dwells among them. Many couples suffer from a lack of shalom bayis, and the following story can shed light on an essential solution.
I recently read an article by an Orthodox marriage counsellor (Mrs. Sarah Karmely) in which she related an incident regarding a woman whose marriage was beginning to sour. When she first married, life went relatively smoothly, and only became that much better when she gave birth to her first child. Delighted and eager to build a family, she and her husband were overjoyed when the child was born. It was not too long thereafter that she in fact was expecting her second child. But then life changed.
Suddenly losing his job, her husband was out of work and understandably troubled. With little money to provide for his family, his marriage life began to suffer. Tension and arguments became commonplace in the home and matters went from bad to worse. Continuing to search for work, after much time and effort, he finally found a job working at a construction site.
But their relationship within the home did not become any better. As the wife became quite upset and frustrated with life in general, she began despising her husband. Angry both at her husband and Hashem, she became less religious and contemplated running away from her husband. But already with one child and carrying another, she was reluctant to take such a drastic move.
She decided she would go speak to a local Rebbetzen. Perhaps, she thought, she could help her pull through everything. Sitting together with the Rebbetzin, she began to pour out her heart. “Is my marriage over? I don’t love my husband and I want to leave. What should I do?” Gently looking back at her, the Rebbetzin handed her a book.
Reading through the book, she was moved by one particular article which described a family in Yerushalayim with fourteen children in a two-bedroom apartment. Despite the cramped living quarters, the family was happy.
What was their secret? Every morning after breakfast the husband, who owned a Jewish bookstore, left to go to work. As he got up from the table and began to head out the door, his wife followed him. Looking on as her husband began walking away from the house, she placed her hand on the Mezuzah.
And then she began to bless him, “Hashem, please take care of my husband, protect him, bless him, give him parnassah [income] and grant him success.” When asked about her practice she answered, “Don’t you know? If a woman blesses her husband, he will have success. If she doesn’t, he will not.”
As she read this anecdote, it suddenly dawned on her. “Why am I being so selfish? My husband is doing the best he can; why should I be upset with him?” And so, she decided to implement into her life what she had read in the book. Every single morning, without fail, as her husband would head out the door to work on his construction site, she placed her hand on the mezuzah and blessed him.
One time, however, her baby kept her up all night. And, as could be expected, by the time morning rolled around and the time arrived for her husband to leave the house, she was still fast asleep. Her husband did not wish to awaken her, so he quietly left the house.
Immediately upon waking up and realizing what had happened, she ran to the telephone. Her husband did not have enough money to afford a cell phone, so communication was kept to the landline. Dialing the office of the construction site, a foreman picked up on the other end. “Can you please call my husband to the phone? I need to speak to him.” “Ma’am,” the foreman said, “your husband is on a scaffold right now and is three flights up. It is hard for him to come down to the phone now. Can you call back later?” “No, no, I must speak to him now,” she urgently pressed.
Receiving the message that it was his wife on the phone, the husband, wishing to maintain his shalom bayis which had been improving, descended from the scaffold and entered inside to answer the call. Picking up the phone, she began profusely blessing him and wishing him a wonderful day. Taking in the kind words of his wife, all the husband could say was, “Amen.” Hanging up the phone, the husband was glad he had come to the phone. His wife’s words touched his heart.
But he was even gladder he had come to the phone when he turned around.
Right before his eyes, the scaffold upon which he was standing just minutes before came crashing down. Shocked and not sure if he was dreaming or seeing reality, all he could think about was his wife and her berachos.
Sincerely asking that Hashem bless and protect another person goes a long way. And in particular, the heartfelt prayers and tears shed by a Jewish wife and mother for her family pierce the heavens. Bringing blessing to her husband and children, she not only protects them in the home, but even outside the home. Indeed, a Jewish woman’s prayer brings berachah, shalom, and hatzlocha.
