Women’s Chiyuv of Havdoloh
21. Some poskim say women have a chiyuv of Havdoloh just like they have a chiyuv of Kiddush from the posuk “זכור את יום השבת לקדשו.“ Since women are subject to the mitzvos of “shmiroh,” they are subject to the mitzvos of “zechiroh” (שו"ע סי' רצ"ו ס"ח).
22. Others say they are potur since it is already after Shabbos when Havdoloh is made, and thus, Havdoloh does not have the same rules as hilchos Shabbos (רמ"א שם), i.e., it is like any other time-bound mitzvas asei, and women are potur. This then gets into the machlokes among the poskim whether women can make brochos on time-bound mitzvos asei and the machlokes if the chiyuv of Havdoloh is deoraiso or derabonon (above, 1).
23. Based on this, the poskim rule that women should not make Havdoloh for themselves (רמ"א). They should do whatever they can to hear a man say Havdoloh, but if no man is available to motzi a woman, she can say Havdoloh for herself and be motzi other women and drink the wine so that she does not lose the mitzvoh of Havdoloh. This relies on the poskim who hold a woman can obligate herself in Havdoloh (ב"ח, מג"א, מ"ב סקל"ה).
24. Therefore, if a woman lives alone or her husband comes home after tzeis and she needs to eat something, she should do whatever possible to hear Havdoloh from a man, such as a neighbor, rather than make Havdoloh herself.
25. Man who was yotzei being motzi a woman. A man who was already yotzei his chiyuv of Havdoloh should not say Havdoloh to be motzi a woman – why should he get into potential sofeik brochos to be motzi a woman? It is better for the woman to say Havdoloh for herself since at least she fulfills an aspect of her own chiyuv (מ"ב סקלו").
26. Therefore, when a man hears Havdoloh in shul or from a rebbe, he should have in mind not to be yotzei so that he can be motzi his wife at home at Havdoloh (מג"א, מ"ב סי' רצ"ו סקל"ג).
27. Stipulation [tenai]. If one does not know if his wife heard Havdoloh yet, he can stipulate that he is only being yotzei his chiyuv Havdoloh in shul if his wife or family members already heard Havdoloh from someone else, as many poskim hold this is an effective stipulation (ע"פ שו"ע סי' תפ"ט ס"ג, שו"ת שואל ומשיב מהדו"ד ח"ג סי' ק"ז ועוד). Still, it is better lechatchiloh not to rely on this (שו"ת שלמת חיים סי' קצ"ט).
A Woman Drinking the Havdoloh Wine
28. The minhag is for women not to drink the Havdoloh wine (מג"א סק"ד, מ"ב סי' רצ"ו סק"ו). The reason for this is because the Eitz Hada’as was a grapevine, and Chavoh squeezed wine from the grapes to give to Adam Horishon to drink. Since Chavoh wanted to separate herself from Adam Horishon through wine, women do not drink wine at Havdoloh (של"ה מס' שבת תורה אור אות צ"ט).
29. This is only a minhag; it is not forbidden. Therefore, in a case where a woman makes Havdoloh for herself, she can and should drink the Havdoloh wine. That is better than not saying Havdoloh at all [and she does not need to worry that she will grow a beard..]. If she specifically does not want to drink it, she can give it to a chinuch aged boy or girl to drink. If she has no other option, she can use chamar medinoh for Havdoloh (above, 14).
