Of course, Korach got it over the head right away because he started up with the wrong person. He chose the very worst man to start up with! Had he been suspicious, let’s say of some ordinary Jew in the wilderness, it wouldn’t be a mitzvah but he wouldn’t have ended up in the ground right away. Korach started up with Moshe Rabbeinu, however – that’s like touching an electric wire of 100,000 volts.
But you can be sure that it’s still a very great peril to suspect any Jew. Every frum Jew, even if he’s not Moshe Rabbeinu, is beloved by Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Which Jew? The most foolish fellow. The fellow with all faults. He’s ugly. He’s rude. He’s mean. He doesn’t smile at you. He blocks your driveway. He won’t give you a raise. Still, Hakadosh Baruch Hu loves him with an intense and fiery love.
So he’s not a 100,000 volt live wire but he’s tremendous, and therefore it’s a very dangerous proposition to be suspicious of any frum Jew. I'm not talking now about the reshaim; I'm not talking about being melamed zechus on wicked people – that I'll leave to somebody else bigger than me. But the frum Jews, the shomer mitzvos – all of them – those are the ones Hashem loves; and therefore one of your big jobs in this world is to be an oheiv tzedek, to want to find the good in your fellow Jew and to always judge him favorably.
Pulling Weeds
And that means we have to get busy because it’s impossible to do this if you don’t work at it. It won’t happen if you're a lazy man. יּƒ̇¿ﬠָבַר ≈לˆﬠָ ׁ̆יƒ‡ ≈ ה„ׂ¿̆ ﬠַל – I passed by a lazy man's garden, said Shlomo. He didn’t pull out the weeds as soon as he saw them growing, and so, what grew in his mind? יםּƒחֲ רֻ ל פָנָ יוּסּ וּכָ – Brambles are growing, all kinds of poisonous roots.
It means that unless you are always busy weeding out, then poison is growing. And so, as soon as the thought comes into your mind that you don't like that person, so you must do something about it. You can't be an ish atzel! Instead of letting that seed sprout, right away you have to try to uproot it. And therefore, whenever you have some grudge against somebody, if you wish to emulate Hashem, you must try to be like a lawyer and find every kind of excuse to justify him.
A Healthy Imagination
Even if you know that he did something wrong, you could say as follows: “It could be he didn’t realize it was wrong.” You can say, “He didn’t know how serious it was. Maybe he’s ignorant. Maybe he doesn’t know how great the sin is.” If he did something to bother you, so you have to get busy weeding – “Maybe his boss yelled at him today.” “Could be he’s worried about parnassah, about his children.” You overlook whatever it is and you wipe it from your mind. Instead of being lazy and letting it grow poisonous roots, you exert your imagination to transform what seems to be an act of irresponsibility, an act of sin, and you interpret it in the very best way.
That’s an extremely important function among Jews. We have to be misgaber on this yetzer hara of trying to find faults in our neighbors and in our mechutanim, in our daughters-in-law and sons-in-law, and everyone else we come in contact with.
What is a Woman?
You can’t think of any excuse? Maybe you don’t know how to think. Among the requirements of being dan l’kaf zechus is, ַיﬠƒּ‚ַּׁ̇∆̆ „ﬠַָך¿חֲ ב≈ר ̇∆‡ יןƒ„ָּ̇ ַל‡ֹוֹמו ̃ ¿מƒל – don’t judge the fellowman until you’re in his shoes (Avos 2:4). Like a man once told me; if a child makes a mistake and breaks something, don’t get excited too much. Because if you were a child, you would also break things.
So let’s say your wife likes to talk. So you say, “Why does she talk so much? It gets on my nerves.” So wait until you’re a woman, then you’ll judge her. A woman is expected to talk; Hakadosh Baruch Hu made her that way. She couldn’t be a mother otherwise. And so instead of letting that complaint stew in your thoughts, pull out that weed right away. Because every person should be judged according to his condition. And you’ll never understand his condition.
Planting Flowers
Now, besides for pulling out the weeds, a person has to get busy planting flowers. Like we said before, just to leave it empty is impossible. Because new weeds will grow. And so you must begin planting fruit saplings and all good things. It takes work. Did you ever see a gardener planting his tomatoes? He gets on his knees, in the dirt, and he works at it.
It’s not always easy but if you work at it you’ll succeed. Instead of being chorshei ra, people who are plowing bad thoughts, the possuk continues, „ח∆ ס∆ טו ֹב ׁ≈ י̆¿חו ֹר ̇∆מ¡‡ו∆ (Mishlei 12:20). It means that those who think good thoughts will be rewarded with even more good thoughts. Those who want to walk in the ways of Hashem – Hashem is always thinking good about us – and make an attempt to think the right thoughts about fellow Jews, they’ll succeed; habo litaher misaayin lo and it will become easier and easier.
Yagata, Matzasa
Remember, we're not talking about ma'asim now – we're talking about correcting the mental attitudes; about learning how to think good thoughts about your fellow man. It’s a big job and I’m far away from that myself. I'm saying this not for you; I’m listening to it myself as I’m saying it. But let’s listen and maybe a little bit of it will stick to us.
We should together listen to what my rebbe said. I had a rebbe once, a great rebbe, and he once told us that a person is not one thing – he’s a bundle of things. I remember it like yesterday; I heard him say that sixty years ago. “A person is not one middah,” he said, “he’s a bundle of middos.” So one thing might be not good, but something else is good in him. And therefore, if we’ll look, we’ll find. But if we’re busy looking only for what’s wrong, we’ll find that too and we’ll be failures.
Here’s a man who is roidef achar hakavod, he loves kavod. He’s a ba’al ga’avah, he thinks much of himself. You want to judge him? Weed out those thoughts and look for good things; he has good things, I guarantee it. And you should spend time on that, absolutely. I recommend even that you should buy yourself a notebook and keep notes; a person’s name and a few good qualities about him. A few lines and then another name and his good qualities. And then another name and so on. And you should review that notebook often; make chazara on it.
Home Work
Now, this program, like I said before, is for everyone, for all of your fellow Jews. But it’s especially for a spouse. Today we get reports that husbands and wives are fighting all the time. And in some parts of town people are going crazy – in certain modern neighborhoods it’s divorces and divorces and divorces. A tragedy! What’s going on here? The world is going crazy!
So a man said to me, “Well, after all, there’s a din of get in the Torah, isn’t there?” Meshugeneh! There’s also misah in the Torah and funerals in the Torah. Misah is a tragedy and gittin are a tragedy.
Now when you speak to couples, right away you see that our subject is very important. I spoke today to a couple of women. They called me up to tell me their husbands are no good at all.
Everyone’s Wrong
One of them said, “It’s his fault. There’s no other way out.”
“What’s the trouble?” I asked.
“He’s so mean to me,” she says, “He’s inhuman.”
Now, if I ask him, I'm sure he’ll give me a report about his wife. She doesn’t do her work. She looks for trouble. She’s criticizing me, nagging, this and that.
Everybody thinks they’re right! And they’re all wrong because they are all sinning against this great quality which Hashem said you should try to gain, to judge your fellowman l’kaf zechus, to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Seek Righteousness
You’re going to say, you can’t find good in your wife? You can’t find good in your husband? Come on! Come on! That’s nothing but wickedness! It’s not true at all!
A wife does many things for her husband and he should think about that and appreciate her to no end. And even if your wife said something that seems wrong to you, so what? Maybe it’s because she doesn’t feel well today. Maybe she didn’t sleep well or some other trouble she has that’s bothering her, that’s why she’s letting it out on you; but she doesn’t really mean any harm – she forgets about it right away – so be melamed zechus.
Appreciate the Working Boy
The same with a husband. When a husband comes home from work and says something nasty, the wife should say to herself, “He worked very hard today. There was competition; maybe the supervisor was persecuting him. My husband didn’t mean any harm.”
And then after she pulls out the weeds, she begins to plant. “Look, my husband is an ish ne’eman.” She reminds herself that he goes to work every day. Now, he’d like to sit home. He’d like to go the beis hamedrash and learn. He feels like he’s wasting his life in the shop where he’s working but he’s doing it out of loyalty to his family.
There are so many loafers today in the world, unfortunately. Some people go to Atlantic City and loaf. Some people go to shtiblach and loaf. They don’t learn a word. And your husband is a decent man. He’s working, supporting his family, giving away his life. His life! Every week he comes home and he gives her money. So she thinks about that and appreciates her husband. That’s how married people must live, and that’s how all people should live. They should always try to give each other the benefit of the doubt and always attempt to explain that the other party meant well.
Korach: The Planting Lesson
So we come back now to one of the great lessons we learn from Korach. That great tragedy was the result of this error of Korach being dan Moshe Rabbeinu l’kaf chovah; to the side of guilt. Instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt, Korach let that seed of suspicion and distrust grow wild and you know what happened at the end – it was a tragedy of tragedies. ıָר∆‡הָ ַ חּ̇¿פּ̇וַָיהƒפּ ̇∆‡ – And the earth opened its mouth and swallowed up Korach. It was a stunning blow for the whole Am Yisroel. “Korach?! If it can happen to such a man, it can happen to us too!”
And the entire nation got busy learning the great lesson that one of our functions in life now is to take this garden of our mind and to develop it to the best of our ability by planting seeds of being dan es chaveiro l’kaf zechus, of trying our utmost to judge your fellow man with a meritorious balance and to think well of him always. Because that's the purpose why you came to this world; in order to plant an orchard of delectable peiros and a garden of beautiful flowers in your mind.
Have A Wonderful Shabbos
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Let’s Get Practical
Planting The Right Seeds in The Garden of Positive Thought
This week I will spend one minute every day thinking only positive thoughts about someone I am close to. I will try to think about several specific positive attributes, in order to view that person in a favorable way. If I’m married I will choose my spouse; otherwise I will choose a parent or a rebbi. I will devote this minute to think only positive thoughts about this person and push away any negative thoughts.
This week’s booklet is based on tapes: 463 - Downfall of a Great Man | 881 - Bileam’s Message | 906 - Cultivating the Garden of The Mind | 960 - Military Service in Hashem’s Army Listen: 718.289.0899 Press 1 for English and 2 for Thursday Night Lectures
