An example of a person who’s misguided in the concept of הבריות רוח הימנו נוחה הבריות רוח הימנו נוחה in the other extreme is the person who comes to a family simchah, and instead of sitting with his loved ones and spending time with them, he sits with his nose in a Mishnayos, not giving his family a second glance. This causes a feeling of unpleasantness all around him. Or, he doesn’t attend the simchah at all because the next morning he plans to awaken early to learn. “I don’t go to events,” he says. Kevias ittim l’Torah must be at all costs, and this is his mesirus nefesh... to miss out on family simchos. But this comes at the cost of kibbud av v’eim, and at the cost of family togetherness.
“How will I be able to keep my learning schedule if I’m constantly going to simchos?” he complains. He also uses this excuse when his wife asks him to take a child to the doctor. He used to think that the proper path is one that האדם מן לו ותפארת לעושיה תפארת שהיא כל, brings glory to him as well as to humanity (Avos 2:1). But then he learned that everything is really all about הימנו נוחה המקום רוח. “This is the right thing to do! Kevias ittim is non-negotiable! You think people won’t understand?! Or course they’ll understand!”
In the past, he would say, “I don’t care what people think.” But he had an issue with the האדם מן לו תפארת, that his actions should bring glory to humanity. Now that he has learned the words of the Chovos HaLevavos, who teaches that it’s all about הימנו נוחה המקום רוח, he tells himself that the Ribbono shel Olam will implant favorable feelings about him in people’s hearts. All his brothers-in-law will surely appreciate him and say, “We don’t know what we did to deserve as relative who’s such a masmid!” He doesn’t need to do anything to please and satisfy them. All he needs to do is to serve Hashem.
This is a great mistake that an unwise person may make when taking this principle too far.
