The Satmar Rebbe zt”l, author of Vayoel Moshe, once expressed in his sharp style: “It is tolerable that these young people think they are ’wiser‘ than their parents, but that they believe themselves to be more ’mature‘ than their parents—that is unbearable!”
My father, the tzaddik and gaon, zt”l, author of Ma‘adanei Hashulchan, was orphaned from both his parents at the young age of eight. When his first daughter was born, he wished to name her after his mother a”h, whose name had not yet been given by anyone in the family. However, his mother-in-law, my grandmother, may she rest in peace, wanted the baby to be named after her mother.
My father zt”l, went to consult Rav Shmuel Deutsch zt”l, from whom he frequently sought advice. The Rav advised him that since he was living with his in-laws and benefiting from their hospitality (kest), it was proper to honor his mother-in-law‘s wishes. This was in accordance with the halachos of honoring parents (Yoreh De’ah, siman 240:24 and Pischei Teshuvah there, se’if katan 20), which also apply to in-laws, and out of gratitude for their kindness, her request should take precedence. Furthermore, naming the first child after the mother‘s side is customary. The Rav assured him that, being young, he would likely have more children, and indeed, my father named his daughter as his mother-in-law wished.
Years later, when my sister reached marriageable age, a match was found with an excellent young man who was perfect for her. The groom’s mother, however, bore the same name as my father’s late mother. Had my father named his daughter after his mother, as he originally intended, this match would have been impossible due to the prohibition of a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law sharing the same name, as stated in the ethical will of Rav Yehudah Hachassid (siman 23). Thus, it became clear in hindsight how hashgachah pratis guided the child‘s naming, demonstrating that everything is orchestrated from above in every detail.
