A Better Boycott
A Rabbi is walking down the street in New York when he is shocked by a sign hanging in front of a building. The sign reads, "WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 HAMAS TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE ISRAELI"
Enraged, the Rabbi walks up to the building to go inside and yell at the owners, but he is stopped by a smaller sign saying, "THE CHEVRA KADISHA (Hebrew Burial Society)."
Hands of a Surgeon
Joe Sullivan, an architect, watched a mechanic remove engine parts from his car to get to the valves. Michael Goldfarb, a surgeon, waiting for his car to be repaired, walked over to observe the process. After they introduced themselves, they began talking, and the talk turned to their lines of work.
"You know, doctor," said the architect, "I sometimes believe this type of work is as complicated as the work we do."
"Perhaps," Dr. Goldfarb replied. "But let's see him do it while the engine is running."
Birthday Blues
Herman Cohen was horrible with birthdays and anniversaries. He couldn’t remember them for the life of him so he decided to compile a list so that every time he turned on his computer the dates would be highlighted on screen. Even this didn’t work well enough so Herman went to a computer store to find a software program that would do the job.
He approached one of the sales clerks who looked more senior. "Can you recommend something that will remind me of birthdays and anniversaries?" Herman asked.
"Have you tried a wife?" he replied.
Famous Last Words
A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a rabbi are discussing what they would like people to say after they die and their bodies are on display in open caskets.
Priest: I would like someone to say "He was a righteous man, an honest man, and very generous."
Minister: I would like someone to say "He was very kind and fair, and he was very good to his parishioners."
Rabbi: I would want someone to say "Look, he's moving."
